


The Memories Within

by xhookswenchx (ReluctantPrincess)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Swan Big Bang 2018, F/M, Memory Loss, cs babies, little pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-07-24 11:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 53,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16173725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReluctantPrincess/pseuds/xhookswenchx
Summary: Hey everyone! Here I am, ready to kick off the Captain Swan Big Bang with my tale! Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!After being pulled into Jefferson's hat, Emma wakes up in the hospital with no memory of how she got there. Everything she thought she knew has been flipped upside down by a handsome man who insists he's her husband.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is Canon Divergent. It follows Emma and Killian at the end of season 6. (Basically we’re ignoring the acid trip that was S7) They’ve been married for some time, and have four children. For those who haven’t read my little pirate ficlets, the kiddos are: Leia (6), Hope (4), Charlie (2), and Ivy (6 months).

**Chapter One**

"Papa!"  

Killian groaned. He didn't dare open his eyes in hopes that Charlie would just realize that it was not time to wake up yet.

"Papa!" It was a demand now, followed by a not so gentle patting on the cheek. "Papa! Phone!"

"Bloody hell," Killian muttered, realizing that his son was trying to alert him to the not so polite caller. He took a quick look at the clock and cursed under his breath.  

They'd been asleep ten whole minutes. Getting Charlie to sleep the first time took an act of God. He wasn't sure there would be a second chance.  

That was when Ivy started screaming.

"Phone! Papa! Mama phone!" Charlie shouted.

The phone stopped ringing. Thank heavens for small miracles.

Charlie didn't agree. He joined his sister in a chorus of wails. "Mama!" He whined.

"All right, lad," Killian sighed as he picked up the phone. "We'll call her back, just give me a moment."

He pressed the "Emma" button as he got out of bed to see to Ivy. When the call went to voicemail, he frowned. Had she called him at all? Was his son imagining things?  

No... he'd heard the phone, too. _Someone_ had called.

He picked up Ivy and tried patting her back. If she didn't calm down soon, the rest of the house would be awake and grumpy.  

That's when the phone rang again.

"Mama!" Charlie proclaimed.  

"Swan, it's three o'clock in the bloody morning. You woke the baby!"

Not technically true. _Charlie_ woke the baby. But he wouldn't have if Emma hadn't called.

And that's when he realized, Emma _hadn't_ called. The voice on the other end was male, and it didn't take long to realize what was going on.  

Killian could hear the tinny "Hello" after the phone fell to the floor. Charlie stopped crying and looked at the phone on the ground.

"Not Mama?" he asked, with a little pout.

"It's all right, lad," Killian said softly, trying desperately not to lose it right then and there. "Just lie down and I'll be right back."

For once, Charlie did as he was told. He laid back down and closed his eyes. Ivy was still sobbing and Killian needed to-

Needed to what? What was he supposed to do with a house full of kids and a wife in the hospital?  

_Henry._

He rushed down the hall to Henry's room, grateful that Ivy's cries didn't alert the whole house to the problem.  

"Henry, lad. Wake up." He didn't have to do much else, Ivy seemed to shock the young man into consciousness.

"Wha?" Henry blinked, looking as though he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not.

"I need to get to the hospital," Killian explained.  He hesitated a moment, not wanting to upset Henry, but needing him to know the urgency. "Your mother's been shot."

Henry leapt out of bed. "Okay, I'm up.  Gimme a second to find pants and we can-"

"You can't come."

"... Excuse me?"

"I need you to stay here."

It wasn't a surprise that Henry protested. "Hook, she's _my_ mother."

"And she's _my_ wife," he said.  "But that doesn't matter right now.  What matters is your brother and your sisters. I need you to keep an eye on them. I can't take them, and I can't leave them here alone."

He let out a sigh of relief when Henry nodded and took Ivy from him. "Just... let me know what's going on?"

Killian nodded, unable to find any more words. When he froze, Henry shooed him away, instructing him to hurry.  

He wasn't sure how he made it to the hospital. Logically, he knew he drove, but the entire trip was a blur. Just as the chaos around him when he stepped into the waiting room was also a blur. What was he supposed to do? They'd called him, wanted him to show up, but who was he supposed to speak with? Where was Emma?

"Killian!"  

He focused just enough to realize that Dr. Whale was flagging him down. The doctor didn't wait for any sort of response. He met Killian halfway, then practically dragged him down the hall. A million questions ran through his mind, but he was unable to voice any of them. Instead, he tried to listen to what Whale was saying, even though he knew he wasn't processing half of it.

"Emma..." he finally said. "Where is she?"

If Whale was annoyed by the interruption, or the fact that Killian likely hadn't heard a word he said, he didn't show it. He gave him a sympathetic look and, suddenly, Killian's stomach turned.

_Sympathy was never a good sign._

"I'll take you to her," Whale offered. "We managed to get the bullet and, fortunately, the damage doesn't look too horrible. I'm not saying it's not bad, or that we're completely out of the woods, but I'm optimistic."

"I'm sorry," Killian frowned. "What?"  

He could understand that the doctor didn't want to frighten him when he was already in a state of shock, but phrases like "not too horrible," and "it's bad" didn't seem to give anyone reason to be optimistic.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could hear Snow giving a hope speech.  

They stopped by a room with a closed door. Killian knew this had to be where Emma was. He immediately went to open the door, but Whale stopped him.

"Killian." There was a warning tone in Whale's voice. "I'm telling you right now that it's going to look bad."

Killian knew bad. Bad was almost losing his wife and child during childbirth. He was certain Whale remembered that all too well, too. Whatever this was couldn't make him feel as helpless as he did when he was being shoved out of the room while Emma went into surgery. It couldn't be as upsetting as seeing his daughter hooked up to all manner of machines in the NICU, fighting for her life.

"She's strong," he stated, though he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.  

"I know," Whale agreed. "And right now, she's fighting. Like I said before, it's bad, but not as horrible as it could have been. We're just not out of the woods."

He was hesitating.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"She's in a coma," Whale sighed. "For now, she's stable, but it's been a bit of a fight ever since she got out of surgery."

_Bloody hell._

"Let me see her," Killian demanded.

Whale opened the door and stepped out of the way. He stood back while Killian sat down next to the bed, but didn't leave the room.  

"She'll wake up, right?" Killian asked.

When Whale didn't answer, Killian turned to him. "Do you think she won't?"

Snow's voice chimed in again. While he appreciated the encouragement, he really wished he would only get the hope speech while she was actually around.

"I don't see any reason why she won't," Whale said slowly. "But I can't see the future. She obviously needs time. Why don't you stay with her? Maybe it'll help."

_Maybe._

Killian didn't like maybes.

Still, he nodded his head and thanked the doctor. Whale assured him that he could call if he needed him, then took his leave.

Killian turned his attention to his wife. He hated everything about this place, hated how helpless she looked. Most of all, he hated that he couldn't do anything but sit there and hope she'd wake up.

Carefully, he took her hand in his. "I'm right here, sweetheart."  

He hoped that she could hear him, but the lack of response made him feel she hadn't.

 _Shut up, Snow,_ he scolded silently, pushing away yet another hope speech.

Dammit, he'd have to call her parents in the morning. Worse, he'd have to go home without Emma and explain to their kids that Mommy wasn't coming back for the foreseeable future.

_Or forever._

"Bloody hell," he grumbled to himself. "Shut up." He'd much rather listen to Snow than the doubt that had begun to creep in.  

The sounds of the machines lulled him into a light sleep. It was fitful, and not at all restful. When the light of morning started filtering into the room, he groaned. A splitting headache had formed and every inch of his body ached from the uncomfortable sleeping position.  

A soft gasp caught his attention. He snapped up and looked at the door. Snow stood there, looking afraid and heartbroken.

"Henry called you," Killian guessed. He was grateful for that.

"You should go home," she said.  

"She needs me."

"You need rest," Snow reminded him. "And your kids need you, too. Go be with them, Killian. David's got the station covered, and I'll wait here until you get back."

"But-"

"I mean it."

There was no arguing with his mother-in-law when she went into "mom" mode. He always thought Emma got her stubbornness from her father, but her mother had quite the stubborn streak of her own.  

Reluctantly, he stood. "You'll call if anything changes?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Of course," she assured him anyway.  

He felt as though he was betraying Emma, leaving her behind. But he knew Snow was right. The children needed him - now more than ever.  

"I won't be long," he promised, though he knew Snow wouldn't dare let him back until he was at the very least, properly rested.

* * *

The house was quiet upon his return. It was a far cry from the chaos that had run rampant the night before. He wondered if Henry had said anything to the little ones, or if he'd only informed Snow and David.

He wanted to call out for Henry, but he also didn't want to wake up the children if they were still sleeping. Carefully, he crept through the house and found each room empty save for his. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of the children taking over his room. Henry was in the middle of the bed and all the others were cuddled up next to him.

They looked so peaceful. It killed him to know that in just a few short moments, their world would come crashing down.

No. He wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't lie, but he would do everything possible to make sure they had more hope than he did at the moment.  

Henry opened his eyes before Killian had to wake him. His face fell when he realized Killian was alone. "What happened?" he whispered, making a face when Ivy squirmed a little in her sleep.

He wanted to talk to Henry first. Get a chance to tell him everything before talking to the little ones.  

"Mama?" Charlie grumbled sleepily as he blinked awake.  

_Bloody hell._

Hope and Leia woke next, leaving only Ivy to continue snoozing away.  

"Where's Mama?" Leia asked.

Hope frowned when she looked around the room and didn't see Emma.  

Killian sighed and sat down on the bed. "Your mother is sick," he said, hoping the simplicity would explain enough until he was ready to tell them more.  

"Where is she then?" Hope asked. "She needs to come home and sleep!"

"She's... sleeping at the hospital..."

_If only that's all it was._

"Why don't we go get some breakfast?" Henry offered. For the moment, it staved off further questions for the time being. The children followed their big brother out of the room.

He was grateful that Henry was home. Without the lad, he wasn't sure he would have been able to handle everything. There would be more questions once the children were fed. For now though, he had some peace.

It was short lived.

Henry returned after a few moments, balancing Ivy in one arm, and a plate in his free hand.  

"I know it's not Hook approved," he shrugged, "but they're having Pop Tarts for breakfast. I brought you some toast. I know the last thing you want to do is eat, but you probably need something."

Eating was the last thing on his mind, but he took the food anyway. "Thank you, lad."

"What happened?"

He knew Henry would get right to it.

"She's in a coma." He didn't want to try and sugar coat it. Henry wasn't a small child. He needed to know as much as Killian could tell him. "Unfortunately, I don't have any answers. Whale keeps telling me he's optimistic, I just..."

"She'll be okay," Henry stated.

Killian wished he had that same optimism. Even after all his years with the Charming family, there was still that nagging doubt that stuck around.  

_She has to be okay._

"Your grandmother is there now," he said. "She wanted me to get some rest. You should see your mother."

“We both know that if I leave, you are not getting any sleep with all these kids running around.”  

“I’ll be fine,” he said. “Give me the baby and go see your mother.”  

He would bring the children later. Hopefully Emma would be awake by then.

Was that asking too much?

Henry relented and handed Ivy over.  

“I’ll send Grandma back to help with the kids,” he promised. “Now get some rest.”

Killian agreed, but the moment he heard Henry’s car pull out of the driveway, he got up and made his way downstairs.  

The children were all cuddled up on the couch watching cartoons. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was they were watching, only that Emma probably wouldn’t have approved of it.  

_“Too much television is never a good thing at their age,” she’d informed Henry on more than one occasion._

That didn’t really matter at the moment. They were calm, happy, and for a little while, they would be okay. That was the important part.

Hope noticed him first.  

She had announced she needed water and made her way towards the kitchen, only to almost run into him. She didn’t announce his presence to the others. When she looked up at him, he could see it in her eyes. Maybe he hadn’t explained everything, and maybe he’d never really be able to, but Hope knew something was very wrong. She was his sympathetic soul.  

He would have reached down to pick her up when she hugged his legs tightly, but Ivy was still sleeping soundly and he wasn’t quite ready for the chaos.

Without a word, she let go of his legs, took him by the hand, and led him into the kitchen. She pointed to Ivy’s infant seat,  only smiling when he set the sleeping baby down, then pointed to his chair. Not wanting to upset her, he obeyed.

Hope continued to remain silent, and for that he was grateful. He loved his children very much, but needed the calm that he’d never find if they were all aware that he was awake.  

He watched as his daughter messily gathered up a glass of juice and some Pop Tarts. She placed the food in front of him and sat in the next chair over. His stomach grumbled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten the toast that sat forgotten in his room.  

Hope looked at him expectantly and he knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. As much as he despised Pop Tarts, he finished both and drank the overly large glass of juice she’d poured.  

They continued to sit in silence as Hope wrapped her tiny little hands around his hook.

He’d tried so hard to keep his composure for the children, but nothing stopped the tears now. He made an attempt to cover his face, but Hope quickly climbed into his lap and put her arms around his neck. “It’s okay, Papa,” she whispered when he hugged her back just as tightly.  

She didn’t complain about being squeezed or even how long they’d sat there. He wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t crying.  

Hope would cry later. That’s how she worked.

“Thank you, lass,” he said once he’d composed himself.  

“Can I see her?” She asked.

“Not while she’s sleeping,” he answered. “Perhaps after she’s had a bit of rest.”

“You need rest,” she reminded him.

“Aye.”

“Come on.” She hopped off his lap and took him by the hand to pull him out of his chair. As she led him back into the living room, he slipped his hook under the handle of Ivy’s infant seat and carried her along.  

“Make room,” Hope demanded of her brother and sister. “Papa needs to rest.”

* * *

A light touch on his shoulder jolted him awake.  

“Sorry,” Belle apologized as the children giggled.

Wait. When did Belle-

“Leia,” Killian sighed as he sat up. _When did I fall asleep?_

“I’m sorry, Papa!” Leia cried. “I know I’m not s’posed to answer the door, but you weren’t waking up.”

“But it’s Belle,” Hope argued her sister’s case. “And you weren’t waking up.”

Killian shook his head. How could he be upset? “Let’s just be more careful in the future.” He wasn’t sure when he’d gone to sleep, but Ivy seemed to be just stirring, so he figured he couldn’t have been out long.  

Before he could even think about tending to the baby - who was so off schedule it was going to be hell fixing it - Belle had the little girl in her arms.  

“I’ve got this,” she said. When he tilted his head to the side in confusion, she laughed. “That’s why I’m here. Snow asked if I could look in on you and the kids. Two minutes later, Henry texted me to ask the same thing. So, I’m babysitting, and you’re sleeping.”

“You’re truly okay with them?” He asked. Not that he doubted Belle’s abilities. He just doubted the children would remain docile for much longer.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “Gideon has his swimming lessons today, so I’m not busy. Get your rest, then go back to the hospital.”

He thought about it for a moment. Why rest at home when he could be at Emma’s side? “Would you mind if I got my rest at the hospital?”

“Whatever you need, Killian.”  

There was a sadness in Belle’s eyes, leading him to believe that his mother-in-law had spilled everything. _Not that that_ was _a surprise._

“You’re gonna shower first, right Papa?” Leia asked. “You’re been wearing those same clothes since yesterday. Mommy doesn’t want you to be stinky.”

“I do _not_ stink,” he argued.  

Hope wrinkled her nose in disgust. “You kinda do.”

“Dirty pirate!” Charlie began chanting.

“Oh bloody hell,” Killian grumbled. “Fine. I’ll take a shower and change my clothes.”  

He cleaned and dressed as quickly as humanly possible, then made his way back downstairs. Hope didn’t let him leave without giving him a spritz of her favorite Barbie perfume. Once she decided he smelled good enough to leave the house, he was smothered with hugs and kisses.  

Only then was he allowed to go back to the hospital.  

Upon his arrival, Snow immediately gave him a disapproving look. He didn’t argue, but he refused to back down. Emma was _his_ wife, and he was going to be there for her no matter what. Besides, rest might come a little easier if he was next to her.  

Henry stood and offered his chair to Killian. “Lad-“

“I’ll sit on the other side,” he stated. “Don’t worry about it.”

Snow grumbled something about Killian needing sleep, but stopped her protesting when Killian asked her to help Belle with the children, reminding her that they needed extra love and some semblance of normalcy. He was pleased with how quickly she agreed to help. Not that he’d blame her for wanting to stay with Emma, but the room was crowded enough.  

“They know Emma is here,” he explained. “I didn’t want to frighten them too much until I had more answers, though. So  please don’t tell them everything.”

Offended, she rolled her eyes. “I can keep a secret,” she huffed.

Henry snorted out a laugh.

“Thank you,” Killian said, hoping to appease her a bit.  

It worked. Snow hugged them both, insisted she’d be back to check on them, then left the room.  

“She’s going to blow up your phone,” Henry teased after she was out of earshot.

“That’s all right,” Killian said softly. As often as they complained about Snow’s meddling, at times it could be very much appreciated. This was definitely one of those times.  

He gently took Emma’s hand in his and kissed the back of it. “We’re right here, luv,” he murmured. A small part of him was crushed when she didn’t wake even though he knew this was no sleeping curse.

Suddenly, a thought popped into his head. “Regina!”  

Henry raised an eyebrow. “What about Regina?”

_She could fix this, right?_

The look Henry gave him didn't give him much hope, and the fact that the lad was hesitating to even answer spoke volumes.  

In truth, Killian already knew the answer. Magic didn't work like that.  

"But maybe if she heals the wound?" Killian tried.

"We can ask, but if magic could fix everything, this hospital would be a lot emptier."  

That, he knew was the truth. Regina might not be too willing to put doctors out of business, but Emma likely would have at least tried.  

"We'll ask," Killian decided. Even though they both knew the answer, he would ask. Let Regina tell him no. It was better than staying silent and finding out far too late that magic would have been enough. "Call her up. She'll need to know anyway because at the very least, we'll need more of a budget to hire some backup at the station."

"She's in Oz," Henry said.  

"Already?" He vaguely recalled the sisters talking about a trip not too long ago. Something about bonding or some sisterly thing. When Henry nodded, he groaned. There was no telling when they'd get back, and getting a message across realms wasn't the easiest.

"Tiny's got beans," Henry offered. "I could go get my mom, she can do whatever she can, and then go back to her vacation with Zelena."

No. He wasn't letting Henry shoulder the responsibility. Emma was _his_ wife. She and Killian were supposed to take care of Henry, not the other way around. "I should-"

"Stay with mom," Henry cut him off. "She needs you here, and I'm fully capable of jumping a couple realms."

Arguing would waste too much time, so Killian just gave in and let Henry go. The sooner Emma woke up, the better. It wouldn't be long before the children started asking questions. Questions, he thought, would be easier than dealing with the other problems that could arise.  

Leia and Hope would understand. They would cry for their mother, and there would be difficult moments, but they were older. Killian could explain things when it came to them. The little ones, however... how did you explain things to a toddler who could barely string words together and an infant who didn't understand words at all?

Ivy had already proven to be difficult without her mother. Just a night away seemed to throw her off schedule and any further interruption might only aggravate the situation. The night before she'd been fussy and it wasn't until she was so unbearably tired that she finally just took the bottle she'd been refusing all evening.  

Exhaustion and a full belly hadn't stopped her though. She'd woken up several times and wailed loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.

Then there was Charlie. He was Emma's little shadow. Getting him to sleep was another feat. He was so used to cuddling with Emma before bed, that he cried until Killian finally called his wife. A quick FaceTime conversation appeased the little lad for a bit.

And then...

Killian squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Emma's hand a little tighter. It wasn't long after the call ended that-

He didn't want to think about it.  

"Mama?" A soft little voice wavered.  

Killian opened his eyes and, for a moment where he was caught between exasperation and disbelief, stared at his son. His two year old son who was suddenly sitting on Emma's bed where no one had been only a moment ago. "Charlie?"

Charlie looked over at him, then back at Emma. He gently patted his mother's cheeks and asked again. "Mama?"

"Don't do that, lad."

Of course Charlie would find his way here.  

When Charlie patted her cheek again, Killian reached to stop him. "I said don't." It came out a little harsher than he'd meant it.  

The tears came first, and then, the cries.  

In a panic, Killian tried to hush his son. He was certain Whale wouldn't care _how_ a child wound up in the room, just that he wasn't supposed to be there. Trying to remove him would likely prove to be a fiasco.

"Mama needs cuddles," Killian said softly, hoping beyond hope that Charlie would calm down.

"Mama?" Charlie sniffled.

"Aye." He shuffled the blankets a bit and made sure there weren't any IV lines or wires in the way and helped Charlie lie down. "You have to be quiet, lad. You're not supposed to be in here."

"Shhhhhhh." Charlie gave Killian a big, dimpled smile and cuddled up next to Emma. It wasn't long before he began to nod off.

Killian supposed it wouldn't hurt to let him stay there awhile.  

"Well, I don't know what you want me to do," an annoyed voice rang through hall. Great. Henry had already returned with Regina.  

Killian stood and met them outside. "While I appreciate that you've come to help, Charlie is in there and he's almost asleep. Could we keep it down just a bit?"

Regina rolled her eyes, but didn't argue.

He'd take it.

"Well, let's see," she whispered.

Killian stepped aside then followed her into the room. She didn't say anything for a long while as she looked at Emma and all the machinery she seemed to be hooked up to.  

"I can't do anything," she finally stated.  

"What the bloody hell do you mean by that?" Killian raised his voice.

"I mean, I can't do anything," she said again.

Henry cleared his throat and reminded them both of the sleeping toddler.

"And why not?" Killian growled, trying to be mindful of Charlie, but only growing angrier by the second. "What good are you if your magic is useless?"

"I'm going to let that slide, pirate. But only because you're obviously under a lot of stress."  

"Fix her!"

"I can't!"  

Charlie snapped awake and started wailing, bringing Whale running into the room seconds later.  

"He's not supposed to be here," he stated. "And you two need to keep it down. The entire wing can hear you screaming at each other."

"I've got Charlie," Henry said. Killian could hear him as he left, trying to explain to Whale that Charlie showing up was an accident.  

With the doctor distracted, and the screaming toddler out of the room, Killian tried to compose himself. He didn't need another lecture from anyone here at the hospital.

"Why can't you fix this?" he asked, quieter this time.  

"This isn't a magical problem," Regina explained. She had calmed down some as well. "The most I can do is heal her, and even that would be risky. The doctors have already done their job and I could screw that up."

"And the coma?"

"I can't just wake her up. If it were a curse, a magical solution might be possible. But it's not. It's a coma, and what she needs right now is time."

Time. It was something they were supposed to have more of, yet here he was, wondering if time had run out for them.  

_No. He couldn't think like that._

"Bloody useless," he muttered.

"Excuse me?" Warnings forgotten, her temper flared. "This is not my fault!"

"Well it isn't mine either!" he shouted.  

Regina was about to say something more, but the blaring of an alarm stopped her. Before Killian even had time to react, the room was full and a nurse was shoving them both out of the room and slamming the door.  

He tried to rush back in, but Regina stopped him. “If you make a scene, they aren’t going to let you back in there at all. Just let them do their job.”

“This is all your fault!” He snapped. “All you had to do was-“

“Was what?” Regina cut him off. “I already told you I couldn’t do anything without putting her at further risk!”

“Guys!” Henry returned -without Charlie- and stepped in the middle. “Nothing is going to get fixed this way.”

Killian hated to admit it, but Henry was right. Taking out his frustration on Regina wasn’t solving anything, and it certainly wasn’t making him feel any better. “What would you suggest, lad?”  

“We should go into the waiting room until they have something to tell us,” he said. He handed Regina a bean and thanked her for coming. “Mom, you can go back to your vacation if you want.”   

Killian echoed the “thanks” in a low mumble.  

“You come find me if anything changes that might give me the opportunity to help,” she insisted. Turning to Killian, she continued. “I really am sorry. If I could fix it, I would.”

Killian just nodded.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t grateful. He was. Regina could have just as easily blown them off. It wasn’t her fault she couldn’t do anything in the current situation. While that frustrated him, at least she’d made the effort.

Once Regina left, Henry took Killian by the arm and led him to the waiting room. “Just have a seat and I’ll find us some coffee or something.”

“Where’s Charlie?” Killian asked.

“Grandma’s got him,” Henry answered, though he seemed reluctant to say more.  

“Lad?”

“They put the cuff on him,” he said quickly, continuing before Killian could have another outburst. “It’s just temporary. They didn’t want him popping in unexpectedly and maybe making things worse. Just for now.  I promise.”

His blood boiled. How could they do that to him? On some level, he understood, but he and Emma had promised they would never put their children through that. Not that they’d allow them to play with magic unrestricted, but they would never punish them for their natural abilities.

Magic inhibiting wristbands were the worst from of punishment.

He didn’t have any personal experience with them, but Emma never had a kind thing to say about the object.

“It’s only temporary,” Henry said again. “And it’ll be okay. Mom will be okay.”

He hoped the lad was right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter two! As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!
> 
> UPDATE! Here is the first video from my amazing artist! http://downeystarkjr.tumblr.com/post/178925171113/i-have-been-so-excited-to-share-the-art-work-i

  _The Night Before..._

"Emma, I can pull the shift," Killian argued.  

Emma paid him no mind as she tried to get ready as quickly as possible. One of their deputies had called in sick -the bloody flu was going around- and it left the station in need of some last minute assistance.  

"You're still sick," she reminded him when he tried to convince her again. "Speaking of..." She disappeared for a few minutes, only to return with a glass of water and two large pills.  

He hated those damned things. All week she'd been making him take them, and while they  _ did _ make his symptoms a bit more bearable, he didn't care much for the strange side effects.  

"I need to be alert for the children," he protested. "And I'd rather not start hallucinating again." 

"That wasn't a hallucination," Emma said, rolling her eyes. "Honestly, Killian, you're worse than the kids. Just take your medicine like a big boy so I can go back to getting ready."  

"But-" 

"Henry is here and has already volunteered to help out." She raised an eyebrow at him when he started to complain again. 

_ Bloody hell. She meant business.  _

Reluctantly, Killian took the pills. "Good boy," she teased. 

"Don't I get a kiss?" he asked. 

Emma grabbed the blanket and threw it over him before kissing the top of his head. "I mean it," she warned. "Take it easy tonight. The last thing we need is for you to wind up in the hospital." 

He rolled his eyes. Miraculously, she kissed -rather than punched- him goodbye. "Be safe, luv," he murmured as she left the room.  

The medicine knocked him out faster than usual. Just as he'd predicted though, he needed to be alert for the children. Not long after he'd fallen asleep, Ivy decided it was time to wake up. He could hear Henry and the other three downstairs and realized they likely hadn't heard the fussing. 

Killian looked over at the clock and realized he’d been out longer than he thought. It was almost midnight. With a groan, he realized what was going on. Ivy was ready for a midnight snack, and Emma wasn’t around to deliver. 

Bottles usually weren't a problem. When Emma went back to work, Ivy had taken to them just fine. But at night, a bottle would never do.  

"Bloody hell," he grumbled. He shot a quick text to Henry asking him to get a bottle ready, then got out of bed and sluggishly made his way over to Ivy's crib. "Hey there, little luv," he said softly as he picked her up. "Your mother isn't here tonight and I'm not feeling well. Could you find it in your heart to be kind?" 

Ivy stopped fussing long enough to look up at Killian. The moment she realized he was  _ not _ Emma, she pouted.  

He knew the tantrum wasn't far behind.  

She threw a fit the second she saw Henry handing over the bottle. Being kind obviously wasn't in her agenda for the evening.  

"Why don't you give her to me?" Henry suggested.  

"I can handle my own baby," Killian snapped. 

"I'm not trying to say you can't, but you don't feel well, she's pissed off, and it's not a good combo. Just let me take the difficult one, and you can go tuck in the kids who are actually ready to calm down." He glanced at Charlie who was still jumping on the couch. "You take the girls and I'll handle the squirts." 

With a sigh, Killian agreed and transferred Ivy over to her big brother.  Almost immediately, she stopped crying and happily took the bottle when offered. 

"Come on, Papa," Leia said as she took his hand. "You need to go to sleep." 

"Aye, lass," he chuckled. "And so do you. It's rather late, isn't it?" 

"Mama said we could stay up," Hope explained. When Killian raised his eyebrow at her, she scowled and put her hands on her hips. “It’s the truth!” 

“It’s true,” Henry confirmed. “But now it’s late, and you should get some sleep.” 

She relented, and grabbed Killian’s hook, insisting they needed to tuck him in first. Both she and Leia led him back upstairs and to his room. “I’m supposed to be tucking you two in,” he reminded them, but they just giggled in response. 

He should have known the moment he was tucked in that the girls would join him. They had no intention of sleeping in their own rooms. “You need snuggles, Papa,” Hope said with a little laugh.  

For a brief moment, he worried they would use this as an excuse to stay up later and play, but within minutes, both girls were snoring. “Good night, little luvs,” Killian whispered before nodding off into a light sleep. 

He cracked his eyes open a bit when he heard footsteps.  

“Just putting Ivy to bed,” Henry whispered. “Do you want me to take the girls to their rooms?” 

“They’ll go when they’re ready,” he mumbled, falling asleep again. 

The next time he woke, the girls had left, and Henry was struggling to keep Charlie from making too much racket downstairs. Killian could hear the tantrum and subsequent pleading from Henry.  

Not wanting the little lad to wake the whole house, Killian dragged himself out of bed, did a quick check on Ivy and the older girls, then made his way downstairs.  

When he finally made it downstairs, he could see that Charlie was in full on meltdown mode.  

“Sorry,” Henry apologized. “I’ve tried everything hoping to calm him down, but he just wants Mom.” 

“That tends to happen,” Killian sighed. “Let me take him.”  

He knew Charlie wouldn’t be appeased by the substitution, but he’d have to learn at some point that his mother couldn’t always be there.  

“Hook-“ 

“It’s fine, lad.” Killian waved off the protest and picked Charlie up. The little boy kicked his legs and threw himself back in an attempt to break free. It almost made Killian stumble, but he managed to get a decent grip on him.  

If Charlie was having a meltdown over his mother, he was downright inconsolable over being restrained. 

“Come on, young man,” Killian grumbled as he took the boy upstairs. He headed into the nursery, seeing as it was the only empty room at the moment, and sat down in the rocking chair. “Why don’t we call your mother?” 

Charlie stopped sobbing and looked up at Killian. “Mama?”  

“Aye. Mama.”  

His mood instantly changed as Killian dug into his pocket for his cellphone. Charlie grabbed it when it started ringing. 

“Mama!” He exclaimed when Emma’s face appeared on the screen. 

“Hey you!” Emma laughed. “What are you doing up? Are you giving Papa a hard time?” 

“Noooooooo.” 

_ Liar.  _ Killian couldn’t help but laugh at the silly little grin his son was giving Emma. 

“I good boy!” 

“Of course you are,” Emma said. “But you know what would make Mama really happy?” 

“What?” Charlie asked. 

“If you would go to bed,” she answered. 

“Mama home,” he demanded. 

“I can’t right now, kiddo. But if you go to sleep, I promise I’ll be there when you wake up.”  

Killian held his breath while Charlie considered it. If this didn’t work… 

“Okay,” Charlie stated. 

_ That was close. _

“Let me talk to Papa again,” Emma said. “Love you.” 

“Yuv you, Mama!”  

He handed Killian the phone and climbed down. He shouted something about sleeping in the big bed, then disappeared. The sound of little feet pattering towards the master bedroom was a dead giveaway though. 

Killian wasn’t getting any sleep tonight. 

“Thank you, luv,” he told Emma. “I wasn’t sure anything was going to settle him.” 

“Just make sure he doesn’t wake up before I get home,” she laughed.  

_ If only he could get that lucky.  _

“I’ll just call you if he wakes,” he promised. 

Emma smiled and started to say something more, but a buzzing from her radio sounded. She fell silent and listened to the garbled message, then sighed. “I’ve gotta go. There’s something going on at the drugstore.” 

“All right.” 

“You’ll call if you need me?” She asked. 

“Of course.” He promised. 

“Love you.” 

“Love you too, sweetheart. Be safe.” 

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “This is Storybrooke, Killian.” 

“Be safe all the same,” he said.  

“Okay, I’ll be safe,” she assured him. He could hear the humor in her tone. Of  _ course  _ she thought he was being ridiculous. The town hadn’t had any major catastrophes in years, and the worst trouble they’d ever run across was the occasional Lost Boy causing problems.  

It was never anything serious. 

Still, he worried. They might not have villains running loose and the crime statistics might be low, but sometimes he thought Emma could be too relaxed. Their job still had its dangers. 

_ She’ll be fine,  _ he tried to remind himself. After all, she was still the Savior.  

“Papa!” Charlie poked his head back in the door. “Mama say sleep!” 

“All right, young man,” Killian chuckled. He got up front he chair and followed his son back to the bedroom. When the little boy jumped on the bed, his happy little squeal set Ivy off. 

“Bloody hell,” Killian muttered.  

Charlie covered his ears and whined about the noise. As Killian tried to shush Ivy, Charlie buried himself under the covers, still complaining about the racket. 

“You’ve no right to grouse given the noise you were making earlier,” Killian tried to remind him. It fell on deaf ears though. Figuring Charlie would either continue to hide or eventually just go to his own room, Killian concentrated on Ivy.  

It only took a few minutes but, to Killian, it felt like an eternity. Finally, Ivy stopped crying. It dissolved into a light fussing, then -eventually- she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep again.  

“Papa, bed now,” Charlie demanded when the room became quiet again.  

Killian shushed him, earning crossed arms and a little pout from the toddler. “Just a moment,” he promised. It didn’t appease Charlie. Before Killian could even think about what his son was up to, a pacifier bounced off his forehead, and Charlie let out a little giggle. Another laugh, and the pacifier poofed into Ivy’s mouth, effectively soothing her. 

“All right,” he sighed and put Ivy in her crib, grateful when she didn’t wake. He knew he should scold him, but that would only set everything off all over again. There was no denying that part of it was due to that little bit of jealousy Charlie hadn’t been able to get over yet, but mostly, it was just a tired and cranky toddler who apparently needed snuggles. 

“Bed now,” Charlie said with a smile.  

After one more quick glance at the sleeping baby, Killian got under the covers. “That means you have to sleep, too,” he reminded him. 

“Kay.” Charlie scrambled under the covers and cuddled up to Killian. He was out in mere minutes. 

_ Finally.  _

* * *

_ Present Day... _

Killian paced in the waiting room while he beat himself up. He should have pulled the shift. It should have been him in that bed, not Emma. His wife was no damsel in distress, but he was her  _ husband _ and he'd done a piss poor job of protecting her. 

His thoughts drifted back towards the previous night. Towards home and the children.  _ Bloody hell. The children. _ The longer he waited for Whale to come back with some sort of news, the more he worried. What would he tell them if Emma never came home?  

“She’s going to be fine,” Henry insisted upon his return. Sometimes, the lad could read his mind just as well as his mother. Killian took the coffee without comment and Henry sighed. “I know your broody face by now. Look, I’m worried too, but this is Mom we’re talking about. She’s a fighter and you know it.” 

There was no denying that. If there was any possibility for her to get through this, Emma would find a way. He just had to believe that. 

Killian rolled his eyes at the sound of his mother-in-law’s voice in his head again. He could do without the hope lecture, thank you very much. 

His coffee was gone and Henry had just stepped out to grab another when Whale came walking down the hall. Killian rushed towards him.  

“Is she all right?” He asked. “What happened? Why aren’t you saying anything?” 

“Because you won’t stop long enough to let me talk,” Whale complained. He threw his hands up in surrender when Killian growled at him. “She’s awake, but-“ 

Killian didn’t have time for “but”. His wife was awake. She was alive. And she was right down the hall. He rushed towards her room, ignoring the doctor who had started chasing after him.  

“Emma!” He exclaimed when he threw open the door.  

She jumped, earning him a dirty look from the nurse who was in the room. He ignored the scolding when he pushed the nurse away and sat in the chair still at Emma’s bedside. “You had me worried, luv,” he said softly as he tried to take her hand in his. 

Emma whisked it away, the shock on her face quickly dissolving into fear. “Who the hell are you?” 

His jaw dropped. There was no time to process it though as Whale was already hauling him out of the chair and out of the room.  

“What the bloody hell happened?” Killian asked angrily once the door was shut. “You said she was all right!”’ 

“I said she was awake,” Whale corrected. “And if you’d have just stayed put and listened to me, you would know that she’s lost what seems to be a few years’ worth of memories. You can’t just go barging in there. Let us do our job, and then we can-“ 

“I have four small children at home who are expecting to see their mother alive and well,” Killian snapped. “Are you telling me that she doesn’t even remember them?” 

“It could be worse,” Whale reminded him. “Shocking the hell out of her with more information than she knows what to do with isn’t going to help anyone. Let us do our job, and then we can work on the rest. She’s still in a lot of pain, she’s scared, and she’s confused. Right now, that’s what we need to deal with. Got it?” 

“Aye,” Killian agreed reluctantly. 

“Go home,” Whale suggested. “Get some rest, and we’ll call you.” 

Couldn’t he understand that there  _ was _ no going home without Emma? Still, Killian knew arguing was useless. They weren’t going to allow him anywhere near her until they were sure she was okay.  

_ And then what? _

Killian sulked back to the waiting room and saw Henry standing there with a new coffee cup. “Thanks lad,” he muttered as he took the drink, then slumped down in a chair. 

“Where did you go?” Henry asked. 

He took a deep breath. There wasn’t any part of him that was ready to deal with what had just happened, but he knew he had to at least tell Henry.  

“Your mother has woken up,” he began. When Henry stood to go running towards her room, Killian caught his wrist with his hook. “We can’t go in yet.” 

“Why not?” 

“She’s confused,” he replied. “Doesn’t remember a bloody thing.” 

Henry sat in the chair next to him and slumped down in the same defeated manner. “When you say she doesn’t remember-“ 

“Oh, she likely remembers you,” Killian assured him. “Just seems she can’t remember me.”  

“If she can’t remember you-“ 

“Aye,” Killian stopped him. It was bad enough he’d been erased from his wife’s mind, but the children? “That means exactly what you think it means.” 

“I’m calling Grandma,” Henry stated. 

“Are you mad?” Killian asked.  

“Don’t you think she’d want to know that her daughter is awake?” Henry countered.  

“She’s got the children,” Killian reminded him. “If you upset her, there’s no telling what she’ll say to them. Or perhaps she’ll just come running to the hospital, leaving Belle alone to care for them all.”  

"What does Whale think?" Henry asked.  

Killian shrugged, annoyed at the lack of answers Whale had given him. "He's trying to get me out of here," he grumbled. "Suggested I go home and get some rest. I'm not sure how he thinks that will be useful." 

"It's probably not a bad idea." Henry put his hands up in surrender when Killian shot him a dirty look. "I'm only saying... you haven't had much rest at all, and if Mom isn't going to be herself for a little bit, Whale isn't going to let any of us back there. So, maybe you can go home and get some sleep and-" 

"How do you suggest I sleep?" Killian snapped. "I have four small children at home who aren't going to be pleased with the fact that I'm returning without their mother  _ again. _ " 

"So go to the farm," Henry suggested. "I'm sure Grandma and Grandpa won't mind. It'll be quiet because Gramps is at work and Neal is over at your house with Grandma." 

He didn't want to leave Emma. It didn't matter that he wasn't allowed to see her at the moment, leaving the hospital meant leaving her behind. If anything happened and he wasn't there... 

"I'll stay here," Henry offered. "The second anything changes, I'll let you know."  

Killian shook his head. It wasn't that he doubted Henry. Quite the opposite. He would trust the lad with his life if it came to that. "I can't abandon her," he choked out.  

Emma would say he was overreacting, and maybe he was. He probably needed the rest everyone was saying he should get.  

_ But Emma. _

Henry pulled out his phone. "I’m calling Gramps." 

There was no protesting once David arrived. Both he and Henry took an arm and led Killian outside and to the cruiser. The fight had left him at that point.  

Killian just let them put him in the car. He didn't say a word, and David didn't make any attempts to get him to talk. They made the entire trip to the farm in silence.  

Once they arrived, David helped him when he found it difficult to find the strength to move. 

"You can sleep in the guest room," he offered. 

Killian nodded, grateful for the promise of peace and quiet. "Thanks, Dave," he said quietly. He still wasn't sure how anyone expected him to get any actual sleep. 

David didn't give him the hope speech that Snow had been repeating over and over in his subconscious. Instead, he just made sure Killian had what he needed, then promised he would bring him back the moment anything changed.  

As much as he appreciated everyone's optimism, he found David's quiet concern much more comforting. He wasn't trying overly hard to fill the silence with the same words everyone else had repeated. They meant well, but the words felt empty when Emma was lying there, lifeless. Then, when she woke... 

He wasn't sure what was worse, hoping his wife would wake up, or seeing the terrified look in her eyes that first time she saw him. 

_ She didn't know him. _

"We'll figure this out," David said. It still wasn't the overly confident statement others had made. It was realistic. Either she'd get her memories back, or they would figure out how to work with whatever was left.  

_ If _ there was anything left. 

* * *

"Papa?" A tiny little voice woke him from his nap. Killian blinked his eyes, trying to adjust in the dark.  

_ Wait. Dark? _

Big brown eyes watched him curiously.  

_ Leia. _

"Are you okay?" she asked. The light was dim, but that didn't mask the tear stains on her cheeks. Had someone told her more than they should have? 

"I'm all right, little luv," he assured her.  

"I miss Mommy," she whispered. "Is she coming back soon?" 

"Well-" 

"Leia!" Henry popped his head in the room and frowned. "I told you not to wake your dad up. If you need anything, you've got three adults downstairs who can help you." He started to apologize, but Killian stopped him. 

"She's fine, lad. Just misses her papa, aye?" 

Leia gave him a little smile when she nodded.  

It took a bit of effort, but Killian got out of bed and lifted Leia into his arms. "I believe it's high time I wake up, don't you?" When Leia giggled, he couldn't help but smile.  

"Gramps said you could all stay here for the time being," Henry explained. "They thought you'd probably need some rest and help with the kids." 

Killian glanced at the phone still on the nightstand. There were no alerts or any indication that someone had made an attempt to get in touch with him. He tried not to let his disappointment show, and while he may have fooled Leia, Henry could see right through the terrible act.  

"Why don't we go downstairs?" Henry suggested.  

That could only mean one thing. Someone wanted to talk to him. Killian wanted to talk to someone, too. Wanted to know if anyone had been able to get in to see Emma. If anyone may have gotten through to her. The answer came after Henry led him down into the living room. Hope and Charlie were cuddled up on the couch, already asleep, and Ivy looked as though she was just about to nod off in Snow's arms.  

The looks his in-laws gave him didn't seem very hopeful. 

No, they looked as though they were filled with sorrow. 

"Why don't you come with me for a minute?" Henry asked Leia. She frowned at Killian and only agreed to go to her brother when he promised he wouldn't be long. 

He didn't have to ask any questions. The moment Leia was in Henry's arms, David nodded towards the front door.  

_ Bloody hell. That wasn't a good sign at all.  _

"The last thing she remembers is going through the hat," David said once they were outside and a good distance from any potential eavesdroppers.  

Killian wasn't quite sure what he meant by that. "What hat?"  

"Before she went to the Enchanted Forest the first time," David explained. "She and Snow went through one of Jefferson's hats and wound up in the Enchanted forest." 

"That means she doesn't even remember meeting me," Killian groaned.  

"She's under the assumption that the hat brought her here." 

It was worse than he thought. Memory loss he could handle. But if Emma believed she was in some alternate world, he might never be able to convince her otherwise. 

"I tried talking to her earlier-" 

"They let you in?" Killian snapped.  

"I'm her father," David reminded him. "And… she remembers me." 

This was worse than the sword to the back. Killian decided now wasn't the time to bring up that particular situation, though. Instead, he headed back towards the house, not sure whether he was sad or angry. Perhaps it was a bit of both. 

"Killian, wait!" David called, chasing after him. "Her memories aren't what they should be. I know that hurts, but she remembers  _ something _ . We can work with that. It's not like we have to convince her that she's our daughter all over again." 

"Did you tell her, Dave?" Killian asked. "Did you tell her that she's got a husband and four little ones at home? That the boy she thinks she saw yesterday is now a grown man who is building a life of his own? Did you tell her all that, Dave?" 

"You know I can't do that," David argued. "You and I both know she wouldn't believe me, and on the off chance that she did-" 

"It would scare the hell out of her," Killian finished with a sigh.  

"Like I said, she thinks she's in an alternate reality. That might help us get her home faster. We can work our way up from there." When Killian growled, he added: "Quickly. No one wants those kids to be missing their mother any longer than they have to." 

It was a start. Not a good one, but a start, nonetheless.  

"So when can I see her?" he asked.  

"We'll go to the hospital again tomorrow," David replied. "If Snow and I can just talk to her, I'm sure we can get through to her. Maybe...  _ don't _ go barging into her room this time though?" 

"I can agree to that," Killian nodded. He didn't  _ want _ to. He wanted to barge into her room and kiss her senseless.  _ Make _ her remember. 

But Regina's words from earlier echoed in his mind. This wasn't a magical problem. Not only would a kiss  _ not _ work, it would likely get him a restraining order.  

"Did Whale say anything about the likelihood of Emma's memories returning?" 

"It's really hard to tell," David sighed. "But they're in there, Killian. Somewhere in there she hasn't forgotten." 

He hoped David was right.  

"Right now, why don't you and the kids just stay here. You'll all feel better if you don't isolate yourselves." 

Isolating himself was all he wanted to do. The kids, however, needed support. They were already upset, and the longer Emma was away, the worse off they'd be. He'd never be able to comfort them all on his own. They needed him and he needed help. 

"Perhaps we can set up a campout in the guest room?" 

He needed the kids, too. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three is here!! As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!  
>   
> Rating: T  
> Artwork by @downeystarkjr : http://downeystarkjr.tumblr.com/post/178925171113/i-have-been-so-excited-to-share-the-art-work-i  
> Also on AO3

 

**Chapter Three**

Emma groaned, annoyed at both the pain and the sunlight that seemed hellbent on shining right in her eyes. She tried to complain, but her mouth was dry and her throat was on fire. All she could manage was a pitiful sounding croak.  

"Good morning."  

She rolled her eyes when she realized Whale was standing over her.  

"Nice to see you too," he chuckled. "Just give it a minute, the meds should be kicking in soon and there's someone on the way with more water for you." 

_ Great. _

"Your parents are here to see you," he continued, oblivious to the fact that she just wanted him to go away. "I can send them in if you're ready." 

_ Just please leave, _ she silently begged him as she nodded.  

He happily informed her it would only be a few minutes, then put down her chart and left the room. A nurse came in first, leaving a glass of ice water for her. Emma drank it so quickly that she was already asking for another glass before the woman could get out the door. 

By the time her parents arrived, she'd downed two more glasses and was waiting on another.  

She'd talked to David the night before, but really hoped to have a moment with Mary Margaret this morning. If anyone could tell her what was going on, it was her mother.  

At least, she hoped that was the case.  

Thankfully, she didn't have to say anything. There seemed to be a silent understanding that settled over the room. "I'll just give you two a minute," he said.  

Once the door shut behind him, Mary Margaret pulled a chair over and sat next to the bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked. 

"I've been better," Emma answered. "Whale said-" The look on her mother's face had her stopping short. "What's wrong?" 

"I thought we were going to lose you," Mary Margaret said quietly. Her eyes filled with tears when she took Emma's hand.  

Emma wasn't sure how to respond to that. Not only was it unlike Mary Margaret to be anything other than optimistic, but she was acting as though... 

"You went through the portal, too," Emma stated. "Right?" 

Mary Margaret hesitated. Something was  _ very _ wrong. She could understand everyone else thinking she had been involved in a shooting. After all, she  _ had  _ just popped into whatever strange reality this was, but Mary Margaret had gone with her. She was sure of it. Why was she acting just as strange as everyone else?  

"Mary Margaret-" She frowned when Mary Margaret flinched. 

She looked hurt.  

"I'm sorry," Mary Margaret apologized. "Your father told me you're missing-" 

"I'm not missing a few years," Emma snapped. "I think you're the one who's missing some information. Apparently, that hat brought us here, and you're blissfully unaware and I sound like a crazy person." If she wasn't careful, she'd find herself either locked up or looking at sessions with Archie for the rest of her life. She let out a small laugh when she pictured him as the cricket her son swore he was.  

God... Henry. Now she understood how he felt.  

_ Dammit! _ The heart monitor started beeping faster. If she wasn't there to protect him- 

"I need to get back to Henry!" Deciding that wasn't going to happen until she got out of this hell, she sat up quickly, almost causing a disaster if the alarms that started blaring were any indication. Not that she cared. Where was her son?  

"He's fine, he's fine," Mary Margaret tried to assure her as nurses rushed into the room.  

Once again, there was a commotion, her mother was pushed out, and Emma found herself coming close to getting sedated again. She tried to calm down enough to convince them she was okay, that she didn't need any of their particular brand of help. It was of no use. She could see one of the nurses dosing her through the IV. 

"Shit," she grumbled. It wasn't long before she could feel it hit. Just as it had after yesterday's fiasco with the strange man, the world started going out of focus. She could hear her mother complaining, but the words were jumbled and didn't make any sense at all.  

* * *

“Mama?”  

Emma opened her eyes and saw a little boy sitting next to her on the bed. There was something oddly familiar about him even though she was certain she’d never met the kid in her life. He sure seemed to think he knew who she was though. 

“Mama?” he asked again. 

What was she supposed to do? He was too young to really be reasoned with. Telling him she wasn’t his mother, or asking someone to take him away would only upset him. Upsetting him might be a one way ticket to getting sedated again. 

_ Perfect. _

“Mama home now,” he demanded, completely oblivious to her internal struggle. 

“Look, kid-“ 

She was interrupted when Whale walked in the door. He took one look at the toddler on the bed and sighed. “No kids allowed,” he scolded her as though she had somehow magically made the boy appear. 

Thankfully, a commotion outside distracted the doctor. He sighed, letting her know they’d talk again in a moment, then went out into the hall. The door was still open, allowing pieces of conversation to make it through. 

It sounded like the man who had barged into her room the day before. She couldn’t make out much due to a wailing infant but from what she’d gathered, the baby was’t eating. 

“Please,” the man begged. “Just let me see my wife.” 

“Papa!”  

The noise outside stopped and Whale returned with the man from yesterday following close behind him. 

_ Things were definitely not going well. _

“Charlie?”  

The little boy laughed. “Papa!” 

“Ten minutes,” Whale warned. With that, he left the room. 

“Emma,” the man sat down in the chair next to the bed. He was having a difficult time talking over the wailing infant. “Sweetheart, I know you don’t remember… well… any of us, but Ivy isn’t eating. She misses her mother.” 

_ Mother?  _ Emma certainly didn’t remember having a baby so small. Her body though, seemed to feel otherwise.  

Still, she couldn’t just feed the baby. Even if she was sure of what was happening, there was no way it was safe to just feed a strange baby. Especially with the copious amounts of whatever the hell the hospital had running through her system. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” she said. 

“Could you please just hold her?” he asked.  

“Me too,” the boy -Charlie- insisted as he curled up at Emma’s side. 

“Oh… okay…” she stammered. Every part of her wanted to scream or get up and run away, but she was stuck. Trapped between a toddler and a guy with a baby in addition to being tied down with all sorts of medical equipment. 

Strangely enough, the baby calmed down when the man placed her in Emma’s arms. “Just a moment.” He pulled a bottle out of the small, pink bag that was slung on his shoulder. “Here. It’s ready. I made it up before we left.” 

“I’ve never-” She figured with two small children who thought she was their mother, that she probably  _ had. _ Plus, the pleading look the man was giving her made it difficult to say no. He was desperate enough to try anything and the baby  _ had  _ calmed down for her. “Okay,” she agreed. 

“Thank you.” 

He handed the bottle over, and sure enough, the kid started to eat. It was almost too overwhelming. The little boy curled up at her side, and the little girl who seemed to find comfort in her arms. The man who looked as though he might burst into tears at the sight.  

"I know this must be very confusing-" 

"Who are you?" she asked. He looked just as hurt as Mary Margaret had the day before. Emma felt a little guilty. She hadn't meant to upset him even more than he already was. 

"Killian," he said. 

Emma tried to think of how she might know him, but she only drew a blank. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I just..." 

He held up his hand and shook his head. "It's all right," he assured her. "And I didn't mean to frighten you the other day. Whale told me you were awake and I didn't bother to listen to what he had to say after." 

There were unspoken words. Emma heard them loud and clear though. He thought he'd lost her... or at least... the person he thought she was.  _ Everyone _ seemed to think she was something she wasn't. They all treated her as though she was some version of herself that she'd never dared to hope to be. Somehow, in this realm Emma Swan was someone who was loved and cherished. She had a husband and- 

_ She had a husband. _

"Killian?"  

"Yes, luv?" He frowned the moment the word left his mouth. "Apologies. If you'd rather I not call you that-" 

"No, it's fine," she cut him off. "Are you really my husband?" 

"Aye," he nodded. 

"And these are my..  _ our _ kids?" 

"Two of them," he informed her. "The other two are home with Henry and their grandmother." 

_ Oh God. _

Clearly they loved her -no-  _ their _ Emma very much. Killian had already thought he'd lost her once. Thinking they might actually lose her wouldn't help her find her way home. She'd have to find some way to bring their Emma back. 

But so long as they thought she was that person... 

"Are you all right?" Killian asked, derailing her confusing train of thought. He gestured towards the baby, who had become slightly annoyed that her bottle was now filled with nothing but air.  

"Oh!" She pulled the bottle away and almost immediately, Ivy started crying. "Sorry..." Surely that was enough to prove that she not only  _ wasn't _ this child's mother, but that she wasn't mother material at all. Hell, she'd missed the first ten years with Henry, and even now she didn't have a clue how to handle that.  

"No worries," Killian lifted the baby out of her arms and placed her on his shoulder. "A few burps and she should be just fine." 

She watched as he stood and soothed the baby, patting her back and murmuring softly. It took almost no time at all for the little girl to let out a belch that Emma wasn't sure could come from an infant. After that, she calmed down and closed her eyes. 

As much as she hated to admit it, the sight did something to her. It hurt to think that she could have what seemed to be such a beautiful life. Granted, it was only a glimpse, but if she were to guess, she'd suppose it was a happy life. 

A pang of guilt hit when she wondered how bad it would be to just stay here. 

But she couldn't do that to this family, and she definitely couldn't abandon her Henry.  

Not again.  

Still, her heart almost broke when she looked at the little boy curled up against her. He'd fallen asleep at some point and looked completely relaxed and at home where he was. 

The door opened again and Whale stepped in the room.  

“All right,” Killian sighed, agreeing without so much as a warning from the doctor. 

Emma could see the defeat as his shoulders slumped slightly. He started to make his way back to collect Charlie, something Emma just  _ knew  _ would upset the sleeping toddler. 

“Wait,” she stopped Killian and looked over at Whale. “It’s okay. I don’t… I don’t mind them being here.” She felt a little guilty when she noticed Killian smiling. It wasn’t so much about them as it was about her getting some answers. She could tell Whale was mulling it over, his expressions said it all.  

Finally, he groaned. “Fine. But if the kids get disruptive or if Emma starts getting overwhelmed, you have to go.” He didn’t wait for a response, just turned and left them alone again. 

“I need to see Henry,” Emma stated once the door was closed. “He’s the only one who hasn’t come to see me yet and until that happens, I can only assume something is wrong.” 

“I promise, he’s fine.” 

That wasn’t good enough. “So tell him to come,” she demanded.  

He hesitated, but agreed. “Would you mind holding the wee one while I call him?”  

“Sure,” she said with a shrug. The baby was full, happy, and calm. Surely she wouldn’t be any trouble. She held her breath when Killian set the baby back in her arms only letting it out when the little girl didn’t fuss. 

He promised he’d only be a moment, then stepped outside.  

When he returned, he sat down next to the bed again. “He’s on his way,” he promised. “But Emma, there are a couple things you should know.” 

_ Great.  _

“What’s wrong with my son?” It had to be bad news if he was trying to prepare her. 

“Nothing,” he assured her. “He’s happy and healthy. It’s just… he’s not a little boy anymore. I know that’s how you remember him, but some time has passed and he’s grown up.” 

Emma was certain she would be able to recognize an imposter, but how much had Henry changed? Obviously, Killian felt it necessary to prepare her for what might have otherwise been a shock. Pushing the thought aside for the moment, she turned her attention to the other thing he mentioned. “You said there were a couple things,” she reminded him. “Is there something else I should be worried about?” 

He gave her a half smile as he scratched nervously behind his ear. It was kind of adorable, but apparent he was stalling. 

“The girls overheard the conversation,” he admitted.  

_ Oh.  _ That meant they were probably coming along.  

“Well it’s only fair,” Emma said, glancing at the two little ones. “Can’t leave them out, right?” 

She could see he appreciated it. As overwhelming as it all was, everyone  _ thought  _ she was Kilian’s wife and the mother of four little children. For now, she could play along until she could figure out a way to bring their Emma back and find a way back to her Henry. 

When Henry arrived, Killian gathered up the kids and met them in the hall. Emma only caught a glimpse of the two girls. They looked just as confused and frightened as she felt. However, Killian managed to get all the children out of the hall, probably leading them towards the waiting room. 

A young man stepped into view and made his way into the room. Emma concluded that he could only be Henry. She’d never really imagined what he might look like all grown up. It tugged a bit at her heartstrings to see it firsthand. 

“You look different.”  

“You recognize me,” Henry smiled.  

“It’s the eyes,” she commented. “And maybe the fact that you’re  _ still  _ wearing that scarf.” 

He laughed at that and sat down next to her, hesitating just a moment before asking, “Can I hold your hand?” 

She nodded, hoping that maybe it would help somehow. 

It didn’t. 

She still didn’t know this man who was supposed to be the son she loved. “You were ten,” she muttered. 

“A long time ago,” he chuckled.  

God. If that were true, she’d missed years in the blink of an eye.  

"Mom, you didn't miss anything," he tried to assure her. How he knew exactly what she was thinking was almost unsettling. "I promise." 

"Kid..." she sighed. He absolutely  _ wasn't _ a kid anymore. But he  _ was _ Henry. Whether or not he was  _ her  _ Henry didn't matter. Even if this was another reality in some weird, twisted realm, they were still -on some level- family.  

Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. "You remember when you brought me into town, right? How you tried to convince me that fairy tales were real and-" 

Henry started laughing. "That's not exactly something someone forgets." 

Great. So at least that part was the same. More or less. She didn't bother asking about the details. Maybe he could help her figure all this out. 

"Okay. Hear me out?" 

"Sure." 

"I think there's been some sort of mix up," she explained. "I'm not supposed to be here. Before I woke up in this hospital, I fell into a portal and..." she frowned. "I don't know. Everything is fuzzy after that. But I definitely don't have a husband, and..." She didn't want to finish the last statement. Henry - _ this _ Henry- seemed to be a well adjusted, happy young man. It didn't matter that she wasn't mother material. Obviously, his Emma was. 

"You think this is a different realm?" he asked. There was a hurt in his eyes that broke her heart, but wouldn't it be worse if she'd just played along and he missed out on... 

_ Damn _ . It was all so confusing. 

"I'm just saying that it's a little weird to wake up and suddenly find you've slept through what... a decade?" She hoped he could understand. She was only trying to help him. Help Killian and all the kids. If she stayed, not only would their Emma be gone forever, but she'd be doing everyone a disservice. 

Henry sighed and let go of her hand so he could pull out a cellphone. He handed it over to her with the front camera on. "Do you really think landing in a different realm would give you those gray hairs?"  

"Shit," she whispered. When had that happened? There wasn't a lot, but it was noticeable. She noticed a few unfamiliar wrinkles that Henry was kind enough to not point out. 

"Every time you spot a new one, you blame it on Leia or Charlie." 

_ Ah. They must have been the troublemakers. _

"This is... real?" 

She still wasn't sure what to believe. 

"You don't have to wrap your head around it right this second," Henry said. "It's a lot to take in." 

That didn't cover the half of it. How could she  _ not _ remember having four kids... or even getting married? Still, falling into a portal was one thing. A full on body swap was another. Not that she thought that was impossible given the fact that she'd just learned her parents actually  _ were _ Snow White and Prince Charming. But it was less likely than a case of memory loss. 

Which would mean Whale had been right and she'd been shot and the whole portal incident was a distant memory for everyone else. 

Henry was right though; she didn't have to wrap her mind around everything right now. It was obvious that more than a few years had passed, making catching up a task that would take more than only a few minutes.  

* * *

Killian was just about to tell Henry he was going to take the children home. They'd grown restless in the waiting room and had begun to irritate those around them. Thankfully, Henry beat him to the punch, coming in to inform him that Emma wanted to see them again.

He tried not to get too hopeful. Her memory was still gone. She still didn't know him. Didn't know the kids. 

But she wanted to see them. That was something.  

Before they made their way back to Emma's room, Killian made sure to remind the children not to overwhelm their mother. He'd explained earlier that she was in an accident and still confused. Leia and Hope understood best while Charlie only seemed excited to see his mother. Thankfully, Ivy was too young to be too much to handle.  

They filed into the room quietly. If that wasn't shock enough, the look on Emma's face was something he wasn't expecting. 

She was smiling.  

It was more of a nervous smile than anything else, but it was a smile nonetheless.  

Charlie wasted no time trying to climb back up onto the bed. "Bloody hell," Killian muttered. Everything he'd said had just gone right out the window with that one. 

Only it didn't seem to bother Emma at all. It was the only reason he didn't stop his son from invading her space. Emma not only didn't seem to mind, once Charlie was up, she invited Leia and Hope, too.  

"Papa!" Hope called. 

Dammit, he was still standing in the doorway like an idiot. 

"Bring Ivy, too," his daughter stated once she had his attention. "Mama needs to see Ivy." 

"I'm sorry, luv," he said as he crossed the room. "I told them not to overwhelm you." 

"It's okay." 

The tone in her voice and the look on her face told a very different story. Things were definitely  _ not _ okay and she was close to panicking. Fortunately, all the children seemed to want to do was cuddle next to her. The quiet seemed to help keep her somewhat calm.  

She watched as he sat down and nervously glanced at Ivy as if to say "Please don't hand me that baby." 

"Seems a bit crowded up there," he chuckled. "I'll hold on to the wee one if you don't mind."  

"Thank you," she sighed in relief. Apparently, three clingy children were her limit.  

It didn't take long for the previously rambunctious children to all fall asleep. Cramped, but content. 

"I believe that's the first time we've ever gotten them to all nap at once," he commented. "Or at all." 

"So they're not always like this?" she asked. 

"Not even close," he confirmed. "If you're uncomfortable-" 

"I thought it only fair that I meet all of them," she interrupted. "They're just kids, and they're probably scared and it seems like they might have missed me a little bit?" 

"Just a bit." 

He looked down at the baby, unsure of what else to say. Emma had questions but he didn't think she was ready for the answers. She wasn't even ready for what she was dealing with now. The look on her face had said it all.  

She wasn't his Emma. At least, that's how she felt. He could see it, too. Somehow, whatever happened had taken away his wife and replaced her with a woman he hadn't seen in years.  

Emma as he'd first met her. 

Lost, broken, and untrusting. The walls he'd broken through were back and stronger than ever. He hated seeing her like this. Because as tough as she insisted she was, he knew better. He'd  _ always _ known better.  

"So..." Emma interrupted the silence. He looked up to see an embarrassed smile on her face. "I know this is going to sound a little crazy, but you say we're married so I'm assuming you know everything? About the fairy tale stuff?" 

Killian couldn't help but laugh loudly at that. "Don't worry, luv. You're not crazy." 

"And you're okay with it?" she asked. "I mean... I know it’s all true and it still sounds crazy to me. How did I manage to get you to believe all of it?” 

There was a part of him that would have loved to tell her their story. Given her recent reactions to anything even mildly upsetting though, he realized informing her that she was married to none other than Captain Hook might not be the best idea. Especially now that he knew  _ exactly _ what this realm thought of him as a character.  

"You're not telling me something," she accused when he took too long to answer. 

"Perceptive," he chuckled. "It's a long story. Perhaps when you're feeling a bit better?" 

He was grateful when she agreed with a little yawn.  

"Get some rest," he said. 

Without even thinking, he leaned over and kissed her forehead as she closed her eyes. He let out a sigh of relief when she only smiled softly. The last time he'd kissed her when she was without her memories... 

Well, they were lucky they had any children at all. 

It wasn't as though he was expecting her to magically wake up. A kiss hadn't worked the last time either. There was still a bit of disappointment that followed when the only reaction he received was a sigh from Emma and the steady beeping from her machines. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three cheers for chapter four!

**Chapter Four**

Emma had been in the hospital for damn near a week and she wasn't any closer to remembering  _ anything _ . Her husband -Captain  _ freaking _ Hook- the children... even Henry. They were all strangers to her. Even her parents. They seemed to think they were actually her parents.  

She hated feeling annoyed about that. Of  _ course _ they were her parents. But she wasn't used to them actually acting that way. 

So, she was an honest to god fairytale princess, she married a pirate, and somehow, managed to have four kids along the way. 

Oh! And then there was her brother!  

She'd be lying if she said that didn't hurt a bit. It would be another lie to say she was completely okay with the fact that they'd named him after the man who'd abandoned her.  

Killian had tried to explain. For all the confusion, she learned quickly that he was incredibly sweet and patient. Not exactly the way she pictured a notorious pirate captain, but not a disappointment.  

Everyone treated her like she was a ticking time bomb. Maybe she was. It was a lot to take in and she still wasn't even sure she fully believed it. Completely losing it however, was not an option. 

The last thing she needed was to be sedated again. Especially now that Whale was beginning to talk about releasing her. 

Which brought her to the current problem. Her parents and her husband were arguing over her. Up until now, they'd given her the impression that she was a part of some weird, picture perfect family.  

She understood the reasoning. Everyone in the room wanted what was best. What they couldn't agree on was who got to say what was best. Her parents thought she'd be better off with them, while Killian thought she would be better off at home. No one seemed to want to compromise. 

At one point, Killian had suggested taking the argument elsewhere but for some reason, it hadn't moved. Emma sat in her bed trying her best to keep from getting angry. She knew it wasn't the intention, but at the moment she felt like nothing more than a doll that children were fighting over. 

Finally, enough was enough. Emma grabbed the cup of water on her tray and attempted to throw it across the room. She was weaker than she thought, and the cup only went far enough to clatter onto the floor by her bed. It still managed to get the point across and soon enough, all eyes were on her. 

"You do know I can speak for myself, right?" she snapped. 

David was the first to try to reason with her. "We just want to make sure you'll be where you're most comfortable." 

"She has a point," Killian cut in before she could start yelling again. "I'm sorry, luv. It's your recovery-" 

"You aren't really going to let her make the call on this, are you?" David asked. 

"It's my call to make," Killian stated. "She's my wife, and I know we've all got her best interests at heart, but when it comes down to it, I have the final say." He paused, waiting for her father to argue. When David only grumbled in response, Killian turned back to Emma. "It's up to you, sweetheart. Wherever you think you'll feel more comfortable." 

"And you can change your mind at any time," David added. 

"Of course," Killian agreed. 

Emma didn't think she'd feel comfortable anywhere.  

* * *

Leia was the first to start crying when she discovered Emma would be staying in the guest room. She was inconsolable and her tantrum set off her siblings who joined her even though they had no idea what the fuss was about.  

Killian gathered them up and took them into his room. After a few minutes of getting them to calm down enough to where he could understand them, Leia finally explained herself. 

“I thought you loved Mommy,” she sniffled. 

“Of course I love Mommy,” he assured her. “Where would you get the idea that that’s changed?” 

“You put her away,” Leia began wailing again. The other children did, too. 

_ Oh… _

“Sweetheart, that’s not true,” he said once he’d managed to calm them down again. “Your mother is sick and she needs her space. That’s all. When she’s feeling better, she’ll move back into this room.” 

He hoped that happened sooner rather than later.  

“Is it cuz she doesn’t remember you?” Hope asked quietly. 

“She doesn’t remember  _ any  _ of us,” Leia snapped.  

Hope started crying again. 

“All right.” He didn’t want to scold them. Not when they were already so upset, but he couldn’t allow them to turn on each other either. “Let’s not be cruel to one another. Your mother needs our help. You know what that means, right?” 

“Be good?” Leia asked.  

“Aye,” Killian nodded.  

“Sorry, Hopie,” Leia said. 

“Kay.” 

“Better,” he sighed in relief. “Now, I’m going to help your mother get settled. Can you three just play nicely for a bit?” 

Only after he was sure they were going to behave did he leave the room and return to Emma. 

“You forgot someone,” Emma said when he walked into the room. Ivy was no longer in her infant seat but in Emma’s arms.  

“Bloody hell, luv. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” she smiled. “One crying baby is easier than three screaming children. Besides, she calmed down as soon as I picked her up.” 

For a brief moment, he almost forgot the past week had ever happened. All he could see was his wife snuggling their little girl. It was as though she was back. His hopes were dashed when he realized that despite the scene before him, there was no recognition in her eyes.  

She was only trying to calm a baby that she likely didn't believe was hers.  

"Why don't I just take her for a bit?" he suggested. Ivy protested when he tried to take her from Emma. Not that he blamed her. She was quite attached to her mother and had spent nearly a week with limited visitation. Still, Emma needed her rest. She may have been released from the hospital, but she was still injured and needed to take it easy. 

"I don't think she's going to go willingly," Emma said. She didn't give him a chance to argue. "Look, I'm guessing she's been a bit stressed out and the last thing we need to do is make it worse. Why don't I just hang on to her for now?" 

"You need-" 

"Rest," she rolled her eyes. "I know. I'm sure she does too. So why don't you just let her stay for the time being?" 

"All right," he agreed. "I'll go make her a bottle then. You'll let me know if you change your mind?" 

"Yeah." 

It was a start. "I'll go get that bottle," he said as he left the room. 

He'd only been downstairs a couple minutes when Leia and Hope came running down.  

"Charlie went to bug Mommy!" Hope tattled. Leia nodded her head furiously in agreement.  

"I'm certain if he was a problem, she would have come to tell me herself," Killian assured them. He'd hoped they would have given Emma the space she needed, but assumed early on that Charlie would be the first to break that rule.  

He wasn't wrong. 

He was greeted by the sound of Emma and the two little ones snoring when he walked into the room. Charlie and Ivy both were snuggled up as close as possible to their mother. Whether Emma had fallen asleep and was unaware, or if she truly didn’t mind remained to be seen.  

“Told you,” Hope whispered. Killian turned to see her and Leia standing in the doorway. 

“That’s enough,” Killian informed her. He turned back to place the bottle on the nightstand. Knowing Ivy, she wouldn’t sleep long when the promise of food was near.  

Emma blinked awake and sleepily glanced over at Charlie. He was lying next to his sister and slumped over his giant stuffed Kraken. The thing was just about as big as he was.  She seemed to notice it too. “Is that...” 

“Aye,” Killian sighed. “He sleeps with a giant sea monster. It’s a long story, but he tends to drag it around the house and refuses to go to bed without it.” 

“Can we take a nap with you, too?” Leia asked. Killian groaned. Sure, Emma seemed okay with having the kids around, but it was still a risk. Upsetting her would only bring about more setbacks to her recovery. Still… it made sense that she was willing to venture out of her comfort zone to ensure their happiness. That’s just how Emma was with their children. She always put them first. Even without her memories.  

He supposed that’s what bothered her the most. Not being able to remember them. There was always a bit of guilt she carried around when it came to Henry. So much she blamed herself for.  It didn’t matter that she’d done nothing wrong. He could see the weight on her shoulders when each child hit various milestones. 

_ “I didn’t get to experience this with Henry,” she’d usually mumble.  _

Now she was likely having the same feelings all over again, looking at four small children who she just didn’t remember. 

“Come on,” Emma sat up and patted the space next to her. Both Leia and Hope clambered up. Disturbed by the motion, Ivy began to fuss. “Looks like you got here just in time with that bottle.” 

Charlie woke and frowned when Emma picked up the baby. “Me!” he shouted. 

“You what, young man?” Killian sat next to his son, who was looking incredibly cranky. He wasn’t about to leave Emma alone if the children were going to start fighting over her. 

“My mama!” Charlie proclaimed.  He climbed over the stuffed sea monster and wiggled into Emma’s lap, whining when Ivy’s little feet kicked at him. 

“You’re supposed to nap, Charlie!” Hope scolded.  

“Ivy, ow!” Charlie complained. “Mama!” 

“All right,” Killian intervened. He pulled Charlie away from Emma. “You have to share,” he reminded him. It had been a struggle since the day they’d brought Ivy home. Neither he nor Emma knew how to deal with the jealousy. Leia and Hope never had sibling rivalry issues, and so long as Charlie was the baby, he was just fine. 

He hated sharing Emma. Before, the two of them found ways to keep Charlie from having a tantrum. Now... Emma seemed more confused than anything. She was in no shape to deal with toddler antics, and Charlie was in no mood to share the mother he’d been separated from for the better part of a week. 

“My mama!” Charlie wailed.  

“Share,” Killian insisted.  

“Right here,” Emma said. “You can sit right next to me. There’s plenty of cuddle room.” 

“I’m sorry,” Killian sighed as Charlie squirmed out of his grasp and cuddled up next to Emma. “For the record, I told them to give you some space.” 

For as long as he’d known her, Emma Swan had been an open book. Now, she was nothing more than a mystery. He couldn’t figure out anything beyond knowing she felt out of her element. 

He knew the old Emma would run. That she’d spent a good portion of her life doing just that. There was that glint in her eyes that told him she was about to take off, but something in the way she looked at them all that said she was going to stay. 

Perhaps even she didn’t know which route she was going to take at this point. 

* * *

Suffocating. That was the only word she could thing to describe it. Sure, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that the kids were small and didn’t really understand, but she didn’t know them and they wouldn’t leave her alone.

And if Killian didn’t stop looking at her with those sad, hopeful eyes, she might just scream. 

After that first afternoon, she almost called David. While she might not feel as close to her parents as they assumed she was, they were still her parents. She  _ knew  _ them. She wouldn’t be in a house full of strangers vying for her attention. 

But then she remembered Neal, and while it wasn’t his fault that her parents picked such an awful name, she wasn’t sure she could stomach hearing it day in and day out. 

_ What the hell had they been thinking?  _

She was trapped.  

Granny’s wasn’t even an option. Whale made sure that she knew that she couldn’t just be on her own. She needed someone to take care of her. 

Like a damn little kid. 

So now, she was here, and she knew exactly what this family expected.  

Everything she couldn’t give them. 

Emma didn’t know how to be a wife, and she for damn sure didn’t know how to be a mother. Hell, she’d only been a mother to Henry for a grand total of ten minutes before… 

Before she got sucked into that stupid portal.  

She wondered how many years she lost. Why was the portal the last thing she remembered? There was a nagging doubt that maybe she had been right the first time, and all of this was some strange reality. People didn’t just jump into portals and pop out years into the future. 

Whale told her several times that she’d been shot. Killian even filled her in on the information he’d pieced together in between phone calls.  

Henry wouldn’t lie to her. 

Killian, she wasn’t so sure about. Nothing about him indicated that he was telling anything but the truth, and his story matched up with everything else she’d been told. But none of it made any damn sense. 

Maybe they were just as confused as she was.  

She wanted to run, but something tugged at her. As frightening as it all was, running away would only hurt the kids and husband who all seemed to love her so much. None of this was their fault. 

Besides, running would only get her so far. She’d only been out of the hospital for a few hours and already she was beginning to feel a headache coming on. Side effects from a head injury, Whale had informed her. She may have been doing much better but there was still a lot of healing to do. 

It was the only thing that really caused her to think that maybe it was all real and not some alternate reality. She really  _ was  _ injured, and there was no denying that.  

“Mama?” a tiny little whisper derailed her trip into crazy town. She looked down to see Charlie fighting with his sleeping little sister. He’d moved from his spot on the other side of her in an attempt to get between the baby and Emma. Ivy slept through it, but kicked at her brother subconsciously. “Mama, ow,” he complained.  

“Come here,” she said, lifting him off of the bed and into her arms. She wasn’t sure what possessed her to tell Killian that the kids could stay with her. Parenting wasn’t her strong suit. These kids didn’t seem to understand that, either. Whatever life they were used to -whatever  _ Emma _ they were used to- was gone. They were stuck with a woman who didn’t know one thing about them. Their likes, dislikes, personalities, habits… it was all a blank slate to her.  

Hell, she was getting to know Henry all over again too.  

She’d been dropped in the middle of the story with no means to catch up.  

Charlie didn’t seem to care. He snuggled against Emma and drifted back to sleep. As foreign as the feeling was, there was a comfort in holding him. She could feel his even little breaths where his head rested on her arm. The little noises he made as he dreamt about whatever toddlers dreamt about were soft and sweet.  

He looked so much like her. Even his little personality reminded her of herself in a time long past. The only difference was, Charlie had a family who loved him and would give him all the love and cuddles he needed, where she had always been left wanting.  

“You’re so lucky,” she whispered, not wanting to wake him. 

* * *

“Whale said she’d likely sleep quite a bit at first,” Killian stated, hoping to calm Henry. Emma had been home all of one day and she’d spent most of it in bed. “She may not need hospital care, but she’s still healing.”

“I guess I’m just…” Henry sighed. “I don’t know. She was out for so long that I guess I’m just going to worry. Even when she’s only taking a nap.” 

“I know, lad,” Killian nodded. He worried too. While falling back into a coma wasn’t likely - the hospital never would have let her go- there was still a small part of him that was on edge until she showed some sign that she was awake.  

The first time she woke it was because the children just couldn’t find it in them to nap any longer. She’d joined them when they made their way downstairs and even played a little bit. It wasn’t long until she was worn out though. He had to hand it to the kids. Any other time and they would have complained about her leaving. Now, they were on their best behavior. 

Even Charlie managed to give Emma a little bit of space. He still spent every moment possible with her, but he wasn’t stuck to her like glue as he usually was.  Part of it was the fact that he’d given her his stuffed Kraken to sleep with -the boy would never take a nap without it- and part of it was the fact that their son just loved his mother.

That broke his heart just a little more. As much as Killian wanted his son to choose him -the boy had always been partial to his mother- he hated that the only reason Charlie came to him was because he didn’t have much of a choice at all. He could see it in Charlie’s eyes. He wanted Emma and was merely settling because he had no other options. 

Still, Killian wasn’t going to complain. Charlie needed comfort and he would never deny him.  

“Do you think he gets it?” Henry asked, looking over at Charlie who was currently resting on Killian’s shoulder.  “The whole memory loss thing, I mean.” 

Explaining things to the girls was easier. They could comprehend so much more. But Charlie only seemed to understand that his mother wasn’t feeling well. It was hard for a child to understand when their own vocabulary was still developing.  

“He understands enough,” he answered. That much was true. So much about the situation seemed to go over Charlie’s head, but it was obvious he could sense something was off.  

“I talked to grandpa,” Henry changed the subject. “He said he wants you to stay home for now.” 

Killian frowned. What was he going on about? “I am home, lad.” 

“I mean,” Henry corrected. “He doesn’t want you coming into the station. He said he’d handle it.” 

“I can’t just-” 

“I’m helping,” Henry cut him off. “Look, right now, mom needs you. The station will be fine. You’ve got deputies who are more than willing to pull some extra weight until she gets better. Gramps and I will just make sure everything keeps running smoothly in the meantime.” 

There was no use in arguing. David and Henry had already worked it all out. Killian knew they were right though. He needed to be home. At least until Emma found some sort of footing. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

“And you know I’m here,” Henry continued. “So are grandma and grandpa. Please don’t try and do this alone.” 

“Normalcy,” Killian stated, trying to find something to keep the forming tears at bay. “Whale said we need to try and get back to some sort of normalcy for her.” 

Henry laughed at that. “Seeing that chaos is the normal around here, I think it’s a better idea to kind of ease her into it.” 

“Tell that to the little ones,” Killian chuckled. The knot in his stomach that had refused to let up ever since he’d gotten that damned phone call finally started to unravel. He could do this.  _ They  _ could do this.  

Now, he only needed to figure out how.  

* * *

Emma lifted Ivy out of the small crib Killian had placed next to the bed. He was reluctant at first, but she insisted. Out of all the children, Ivy understood the least. She wouldn’t take explanations and distractions as an answer. She wanted Emma and even though Emma couldn’t for the life of her remember anything, she felt a pull to the tiny baby girl.  

Ivy needed to be with her. 

Killian finally agreed when Emma promised to put the baby monitor in the room with them. 

It was a long, rough night. Ivy wanted what Ivy wanted and Emma struggled to figure out what that was. Eventually, they found a happy medium.So long as she was clean, dry, and full, Ivy kept the wake up calls to a minimum.  

“Okay,” Emma laughed when the baby started sucking furiously on her thumb. “I’m sure we can get some food in just a few minutes.”  

She made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. The older three children were seated at the table while Killian and Henry worked on breakfast.  

“Mama!” Charlie exclaimed loudly.  

Killian turned and smiled at her. “Perfect timing, luv,” he said. “Why don’t you get Ivy in her chair and we’ll get breakfast on the table in just a moment.” 

Emma took one look at the only chair that could be Ivy’s. Of course it would be some sort of brain teaser to work. She couldn’t ask Killian. He had already gone back to working on the food and Emma didn’t want to bother him.  

“Flip the latch,” Leia said quietly, leaning over to help her. “See?”  

“Oh…”  

“You always say bad words to Ivy’s chair,” Hope chimed in.  

Well at least it was normal and she didn’t look like a complete idiot. 

“Put her in,” Leia instructed. “Yeah. Like that. Don’t forget her belt so she doesn’t fall.” 

It took a little maneuvering, but eventually, she got it. Ivy didn’t seem too thrilled about being restrained, but as soon as Killian and Henry started serving breakfast, she began to laugh and kick her feet. 

“She really likes food, doesn’t she?” Emma couldn’t help but smile at the adorable sight. The silly, toothless grin lit up her big blue eyes.  

There was a part of her that wanted to just lean over and pinch one of Ivy’s cute chubby cheeks. The thought quickly flitted away at the sound of silverware clattering on the floor.  

“Oops!” Charlie shouted. “Sowwy!” 

Henry helped Charlie with his silverware while Killian finished serving everyone.  

“Mama,” Charlie tapped her arm. “You help?”  

Emma looked over at Killian who was already feeding Ivy, then to everyone else. Henry and the girls were already digging into their breakfast. “Sure,” she said, looking back at Charlie. Like his siblings, he had eggs, bacon, and toast. She wasn’t really sure what he wanted her to do though.  

Charlie sighed and handed her the fork. “Dips!”  

“You always poke the hole in the yolk for him,” Hope informed her. “He likes it when you make the funny noises.” 

_ Funny noises?  _

“Mama! I hungry!” Charlie complained. He was growing frustrated at this point.  

“Why don’t you show your mother how to do it?” Killian suggested. 

“Mama know!” Charlie insisted. 

Only, she  _ didn’t  _ know. She didn’t, and Charlie was on the verge of throwing a tantrum. Emma gave a pleading look to Killian for help. There wasn’t much he could do, especially when the hungry little boy was adamant that she do… whatever it was he was expecting her to do. Having anyone else make the noises or take her place might set him off.  

“Mama…” Charlie’s voice got quiet and a bit wobbly. There were tears in his eyes. “Mama, pease?” 

“Maybe we could do it together?” she asked.  

Miraculously, the tears vanished and he gave her a small smile. “Okay.” He watched and waited as Emma dramatically poked a hole in the yoke of his egg, then laughed and made an exploding sound. 

Emma quickly caught on and grabbed a piece of Charlie’s bacon. He giggled when she made it run around his plate. “Save me, save me!” she shouted. “Nooooooo!” Soon, Charlie’s plate was nothing more than a little playground. There was yoke all over everything, and every time Charlie took a bite of his food, Emma would shout, “OW! NO!!! That huuuuurts!” 

It was so entertaining, that she almost forgot about her own food. She took her fork and aimed it at the yoke before starting the whole show again.  

“Me too, mama!” Hope exclaimed. 

“Yeah!” Leia chimed in. “Me too!” 

Breakfast wound up taking longer than she’d expected, but Emma couldn’t find it in her to complain. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she truly belonged somewhere. Something about all the chaos just felt right. 

Even if she couldn’t remember getting to this point.  

Once the kids had finished eating, they took off towards the living room, and Emma started cleaning up. 

“It’s all right, luv,” Killian said. “I’ve got it.” 

“You cooked,” she reminded him. “And I helped make a lot of the mess. It’s only fair that I clean up.” 

“Why don’t I take the little grub bucket, and you two can worry about the dishes?” Henry suggested as he lifted a very messy Ivy out of her chair. “I mean, mom has a point about the mess…” 

“I need someone to show me where everything goes,” she finished. She knew what Henry was doing, though she wasn’t sure of his motivations. Either he was trying to play matchmaker, or hoping she’d remember if she spent enough time with all of them. 

Whatever the reason, Emma wanted to talk to Killian anyway. It didn’t matter how it worked out in her favor, just that it did. 

They worked in silence at first. Killian showed her where the dish soap and rags were, then grabbed a towel of his own. He didn’t have to say anything for her to know that he was going to help no matter how much she protested. 

“You wash, I’ll dry?” he asked. 

“Sure,” she nodded. “Why not?”  

It didn’t take long for them to find a steady rhythm, something that surprised her just a little bit. It was almost like they’d washed dishes together countless times before. 

They probably had. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t more helpful with Charlie earlier. He can be particular about how things are done sometimes and I wasn’t really sure how to relay the information without setting him off.” 

“Thankfully we didn’t have a full on meltdown,” she said. “I was worried there for a second. I’m glad Charlie wasn’t too put out that I didn’t know how to do… whatever it was he wanted me to do. He seemed to enjoy the bacon massacre.” 

Killian laughed. “Bacon massacres are a regular occurance in this house.” 

“What?” Emma stopped what she was doing and turned to look at him.  

He scratched nervously behind his ear and looked towards the ground. “You always… it’s just… I suppose it felt like a normal morning for a moment.” 

“You’re saying…” 

“Aye.” 

She got it right. Not only had she gotten it right, but for a brief moment in time, everyone had forgotten that she was simply guessing. For a moment, she was their mother again, and everything was normal, and- 

And she didn’t even remember. 

But it was obviously there, somewhere.  

“Why can’t I remember?” she asked, growing frustrated. It was  _ there.  _ Why couldn’t she just find it? 

“It’s only been a day,” Killian reminded her. 

“I’ve been awake longer than a day,” she snapped.  

“But you’ve only been home a day,” he said.  

“Home.” 

Because this was home, whether she recognized it or not. This was her husband, those were her kids, and this was her  _ life. _ Yet here she was, an outsider just trying to blend in for awhile. 

Blend in until she could remember it all. 

But what if she never did? 

“Emma?” Killian asked. 

She shook her head and turned her attention back to the last of the dishes. “We still have a few more,” she informed him. She quickly swiped away a tear, hoping he wouldn’t notice. How could she have everything she’d always wanted and no recollection of any of it?  

If he noticed, he didn’t say anything. Not that she blamed him. If something as silly as breakfast upset her, he likely didn’t want to make matters worse.  

When they finished with the dishes, Emma excused herself and made her way back upstairs. As she walked down the hall, she looked into the rooms. There was a pink nursery, which she assumed was Ivy’s, then a blue room, decorated with pirate ships. That had to be Charlie’s room.  

“Leia and Hope are in the room next to yours,” Henry stated. 

Emma jumped, prompting a quick apology from her son. She couldn’t help but laugh when she spied the now clean, but very wiggly baby he had in his arms. “And you?” she asked, holding out her hands for Ivy. “Where do you stay?” 

“When I’m helping out with the kids, I hang out in the guest room, but usually, I’m in the attic,” he informed her. He handed Ivy over, who went from wiggly to cuddly in no time flat. “And no, it’s not because I’ve been banished. It’s the quietest room in the house. I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet, but it tends to get pretty loud around here.” 

“I never would have guessed,” she said with feigned disbelief. 

“If you wanted to take a nap or something, I can take Ivy downstairs,” he offered. 

“That’s okay,” she shook her head. “I think we’ll just go hang out for a bit.” If her memories weren’t going to come back, then she needed to get to know her family all over again. Ivy would be the easiest. There wasn’t quite as much to catch up on. 

Fortunately, Henry didn’t insist or ask for an explanation. He went down to join Killian and the other little ones. 

_ God. Had she really willingly given birth four more times?  _

“Thppppppbbbbbt.”  

Emma looked at Ivy, who giggled and made another raspberry. “I get it,” she said, hugging the little girl close. “You’re adorable.” 

Ivy made what she assumed was a happy noise and only got louder as Emma made her way back to the nursery. In the middle of the room was a colorful blanket and to the side, a walker. Unsure of how proficient Ivy was with the walker, she placed her on the blanket. The last thing Emma needed right now was to have to chase down a mobile baby.  

It didn’t take long for her to realize that Ivy was quick enough without the walker. Almost as soon as Emma placed her on her back, the baby rolled over and started crawling towards a large bear that sat in the corner near the crib. She snuggled up against it, and Emma stifled a laugh. The giant stuffed animal made Ivy look even smaller than she actually was. 

“She loves that damn thing,” she heard Killian say from the doorway. “When she came home from the NICU, one of the nurses gave us a little teddy bear for her. Apparently, Hope decided the bear needed to be much bigger.” 

Emma looked back at Killian. “Why was she in the NICU?” 

There was a pained look on his face that practically said it all. Ivy was a happy, healthy little girl, but at one point, she obviously wasn’t.  

“You don’t have to-” 

“You’re her mother,” he stated. “That means you’ve got a right to know.” 

“We can talk about it later,” she said. “Or maybe it’ll come back to me.” Maybe it wasn’t a memory she’d miss all that much.  

“Seeing her now, you’d have a hard time believing she had quite the difficult beginning,” he said. 

She had to agree with that.  

Then, a more upsetting thought hit her. “Was it… something I did?” 

Killian left the doorway and sat next to her. “I know you don’t remember.” His voice was soft and calming. Not in a patronizing sort of way, but in a comforting sort of way. “We’ve already been down this road. You carried the burden for longer than you should have and I don’t want to see you carry it again.” 

That didn’t make her feel any less guilty. Of what, she wasn’t really sure, but she felt it all the same. 

“You did nothing wrong,” he continued. “Ivy was high risk from the start and it was no one’s fault. If anything, you did everything right.” 

That brought her relief. 

It was short lived, however. A sudden pain had her gripping her head in agony.  

Dealing with the pain after she’d woken up had been trying at best. Thankfully the medication kept it from being too unbearable. 

But now she was home. Home and attempting to prevent falling into a constant state of medicated fog. It had been okay so far. She’d only been home a day and found sleep and tylenol to be enough.  

This pain was different though. It was excruciating and Emma knew she’d have to rely on something stronger.  

If she could even find it in her to move.  

“I’ve got you, Swan.” 

“I don’t need to be managed!” she snapped. 

Killian lifted her anyway and carried her back to the guest room. “I’m not managing you,” he said carefully. “But I am trying to help. We’re a team, luv. That’s what we do. You care for me when I’m not feeling my best, now it’s my turn.” 

“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I didn’t mean-” 

A gentle kiss on her forehead quieted her. Everything hurt, her mind was clouded, and she couldn’t see a damn thing. But as scary as it all was, she felt safe and cared for. 

“I’ll go grab your medicine. Just lie down for a bit.” 

She might have nodded, but couldn’t be sure. The newfound silence proved he’d gotten some sort of acceptable answer. 

She tried to get some sort of rest while she waited. The pain did everything it could to keep her from relaxing. She didn’t want to complain about the fact Killian was taking a while to return though.  _ He probably went to make sure the baby was safe. _

When he came back, he helped her sit up so she could take her medicine. “If you want to see the doctor-” 

“Let’s see if this helps first,” she interrupted. The last thing she needed was to be known for running in for every little problem. “What about Ivy?” 

“She’s with Henry and the other children,” he assured her. “She’s safe and happy, so rest easy.” 

“Okay,” she mumbled. 

Killian thought that was the end of it. Emma slipped under the covers and started to drift off. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” he whispered, not wanting to disturb her, but needing her to know he wouldn’t go far. 

“Don’t go.” She said it so quietly he almost missed it. He didn’t, however, miss her hand as she curled her fingers around his hook, once again telling him: “Don’t go.” 

“All right,” he promised. 

She tugged gently, silently letting him know she wanted him closer. Killian moved to sit next to her on the bed. 

He brushed her hair out of her face, careful not to irritate her wound. For the first time since the shooting, he really looked at it. The small bit of hair there had begun to grow back. The wound didn’t seem infected, but looked like it was irritated. 

She kept it as covered as possible, never complaining about irritation, but- 

“Killian,” she whined, her grip tightening on his hook. 

“What do you need, darling?” 

“Hold me?” 

Killian didn’t know what to do. Would she regret it when she woke? Would she ever remember asking? Still, how could he deny such a request? 

Carefully, he removed his hook from her grip so he could take it off and set it on the nightstand. Emma made a tiny, discontent noise, only settling when he laid next to her. She didn’t wait for him to pull her close before she snuggled up to him. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. 

Somewhere in all that fog, Emma was trying to come back. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!

“Killian.” The hissed whisper and gentle shaking woke him from his sleep.

He blinked and looked up at Henry for a moment before realizing he’d been out for some time. “Sorry lad,” he sighed. “I never meant to fall asleep.”

At some point, Emma had moved, making it easier for him to get up without disturbing her.

“It’s fine,” Henry waved off the apology. “You need it. I wouldn’t have even bothered you if it wasn’t important.” He nodded towards the door. The gesture worried Killian just a little bit. What did he not want Emma to hear?

Killian got out of bed and followed Henry into the hallway. "What is it, lad?" he asked. His voice was still low just in case Emma woke. Worry washed over him again. Was it about Emma? Was that why Henry was hesitant to tell him when she was right there? Was-

"They found the shooter," Henry informed him. 

Instantly, he knew why Henry didn't want to be in the room. It wasn't that he didn't want Emma to hear, it was because he knew Killian wouldn't wait even just a minute before running off.

"Killian!" Henry called after him as he rushed down the stairs. "Hook! Wait!"

"I'll be back!" Killian said quickly. He didn't want to wait for an explanation, he wanted to go down to the station and decimate the person who had taken his Emma away. Henry could keep an eye on things for a few more minutes.

 

* * *

 

David seemed surprised to see him, and immediately tried to deny him entry when he came barreling in. "You're a deputy," his father-in-law reminded him. "That means you've got to keep your head on straight and follow the rules."

"To hell with the bloody rules!" Killian spat. "Emma's bent them before. So have you! Let me in, Dave!"

"There's bending the rules and outright murder." Despite the tension, David's voice was calm and collected. "I'm just as angry as you are, but we have to do this right or it's only going to make everything worse."

With a sigh, Killian agreed to behave himself. "Just let me see this person," he pleaded. "I at least deserve to have a word with them."

David moved so Killian could enter. The path from the door to the holding cells felt longer than usual. When he finally made it and forced himself to look up from the floor, his jaw dropped.

"Fulton?"

The young man in the cell was a bit older since the last time he'd seen him. Then, just a scrawny teenager with a chip on his shoulder, now a grown man who looked as though he'd been through hell and back.

"I didn't mean to," were the first words out of his mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I... it was an accident."

Killian's anger faltered. This was a young man who he and Emma had spent time with. Someone they tried to help in any way they could. Someone who just couldn't seem to stay out of trouble, but wasn't really a kid he considered bad or hopeless. Any other persons' apologies might fall on deaf ears, but Fulton... Armed robbery and shooting an officer were the last things Killian ever expected.

Not ready to face all the new questions running through his mind, he turned to David. "Where did you find him?"

"Town line," David confirmed. "He was ready to make a break for it."

"I didn't know what else to do," Fulton said, though Killian didn't look at him. "You've gotta believe me. I'd never hurt Emma. I ran... I know that's bad, but I was scared and I thought maybe I could fix it, but..."

"But you left her to bleed out on the street?" Killian supplied, his anger returning full force. "You could have helped, but you ran."

Fulton didn't have an answer to that, nor did he really need to say anything. There was nothing Fulton could tell him that would make it better. He ran. He ran and left Emma to die. Accident or not-

"You could have killed her," Killian said slowly. "You almost did."

"I'm sorry," Fulton said again.

No amount of apologies were going to make things better.

“Killian… please-”

“No!” Killian snapped. Whatever else he meant to say was lost though. Before he could finish with Fulton, David was dragging him away from the holding cell and into the office. The door slammed shut and the blinds closed, cutting him off from the kid that had been locked away. “Bloody hell, Dave!” he turned his anger towards his father-in-law. “I have every right-”

“Yes!” David cut him short. “We know. You have every right to rip into that kid. But that isn’t going to help anything, Killian. In fact, it could possibly just make things worse.”

He could easily overpower David. It wouldn’t take much at all to fight past the other man and get back to Fulton. Get back to…

What was he planning on doing, exactly?

“I didn’t call so you could come barrelling down here. I get you’d rather throttle the kid. Believe me, I feel the same way.”

“We can’t do that,” Killian sighed. He knew that. Even if David hadn’t made it perfectly clear before he came into the station, he knew that. They may have bent the rules now and then, but this was a different matter entirely.

“What do I do?” he asked. He hated feeling so lost.

David sighed and Killian felt a pang of guilt for even asking. He was just as lost as the rest of them. Expecting him to have all the answers wouldn’t get them anywhere.

“I wish I had the answer to that,” David admitted.

“Emma and I… we took care of him, Dave,” Killian said. “The lad was troubled and we did our best to make sure he wasn’t lost…”

David clasped a hand on Killian’s shoulder. “You didn’t fail him,” he assured him, somehow knowing exactly what Killian was thinking. “Sometimes, all we can do is our best and hope things turn out okay.”

But things were far from okay. Somewhere along the line, Fulton had decided he’d had enough of their help. An attempt to give him a home had him grabbing a bit of cash from Emma’s jewelry box in order to aid with an escape. He stayed hidden after that and no amount of searching did them any good. Occasionally, he’d get caught up in petty crimes, landing him in a holding cell, only to disappear again once he was released.

“We haven’t seen him since Charlie was born,” Killian said. “I assumed he’d skipped town.”

There was something that still bothered him. Fulton had a record a mile long, but violence was something that had never found its way to his list of crimes. Maybe he had to defend himself out in the world but when it came to theft, he’d rather run than throw a punch.

Why the bloody hell did he have a gun? Armed robbery just wasn’t his style.

“He seems remorseful,” David tried. “That means he might talk. Like I said, I didn’t call you down here so you could kill him. I just thought that you had a right to know who hurt Emma.”

“I’m too close to it all, mate,” Killian said. “I appreciate you calling me in, but I can’t be involved.” His emotions had already gotten the better of him once, how much worse would it get if Fulton started talking? Perhaps David was too close too, but there was no one else he trusted with something as important as this.

 

* * *

 

 

The pain was almost gone when Emma woke again. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out, but the room was dark, and the bed was empty.

Oh god.

She’d practically begged Killian to stay with her. What the hell had she been thinking? Had she managed to upset him in the process? Or maybe it was worse. Maybe she’d given him false hope. Sure, they were married, but right now she hardly knew him at all.

There was something though. Some unknown part of her that needed, maybe even wanted him close.

But where was he now?

The sound of Ivy crying distracted her for a moment. It was coming from down the hall and seemed to be getting closer. She turned the light on when she heard a gentle knock at the door. “Come on in,” she said.

Henry poked his head in, and Ivy’s wails grew louder. “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”

“She wants her mom?” Emma asked.

“It’s after five,” he nodded, stepping into the room when she gestured for him to join her.

“I didn’t mean to sleep that long,” Emma frowned.

“Oh, no!” Henry corrected himself. “I didn’t mean it like that. You need your rest, mom. In fact, I tried my best to keep from waking you, but she’s a stickler for schedules. We can leave it at that, and maybe Killian or Grandma can explain further.” He was turning red as he handed over the fussy little girl, though Emma couldn’t figure out why. “I’ll uh… go get a bottle for her.”

Emma wasn’t sure what had flustered him, or why he fled the room so quickly. She already knew that Ivy preferred her over everyone else, but-

Oh.

It suddenly all made sense. “This is our time, isn’t it?” she asked as she rocked Ivy gently. She’d been spending all of her waking moments surrounded by children. Now that she’d been absent for a good portion of the day, her youngest was likely feeling the difference and ready for everything to get back on track.

“It’s a little complicated,” Emma tried to explain, though she knew Ivy didn’t understand. “I was in the hospital for awhile and now I probably don’t even have enough for you. I’m also pretty medicated, so even if I did have something, it probably wouldn’t be any good for you. A bottle will be okay, right?”

“I think so long as she’s in her mother’s arms, a bottle will be just fine.”

Emma looked up and saw Killian standing in the doorway, bottle in hand. He came into the room and sat next to her. “Sorry I left,” he apologized. “There was something that I needed to see to at the office.”

Ivy grabbed for the bottle her father was holding. “I don’t think Ivy really cares about the office,” Emma laughed. Once Ivy had what she wanted, Emma gave Killian her full attention. “But I do. I know I’m out, but I’m still the sheriff. What happened?” When he hesitated, she shook her head. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. But whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”

“We’ll talk,” he assured her. “Later, after we’ve had a bite to eat and the children have gone to sleep, aye?”

“Aye,” she said with a smile on her face. She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips. She wasn’t sure what possessed her to do so, maybe it was the smile on his face, or maybe it was a bit of the same pull she felt earlier. Whatever it was, it happened so fast that she didn’t even have time to question it.

He seemed just as shocked as she was.

“I um…” she looked away. “I don’t-”

“It’s all right, Swan,” he said softly. “Why don’t I just go get some food ready and we can eat after Ivy’s had her fill?”

Emma nodded, but didn’t say any more. What else was there to say?

 

* * *

 

 

She kissed him. Bloody hell. She kissed him.

Granted, she retreated just as quickly as she’d advanced, but maybe…

Maybe it was a start.

He didn’t want to get his hopes up. Not so soon. Whatever reasons she had for wanting him close, for kissing him… it seemed she didn’t even know what they were. She certainly didn’t remember him yet.

Killian tried to concentrate on dinner. He was starving and Emma likely was too, given her extra long nap.

“Something quick and easy,” he muttered to himself as he grabbed a can of soup. It wasn’t his first choice, but it would do for now. They could grab something more later if they needed to. He continued to push everything else to the side for the time being. He didn’t want to think about Fulton or even what had just happened. His thoughts were jumbled and the more he thought about any of it, the more confused he became.

“Hey.” Emma’s voice was soft, yet it still startled him. “Sorry,” she said when he jumped. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. Ivy just finished her bottle.”

Killian couldn’t help but smile at his now very happy little girl. “It’s all right,” he said. “Soup’s almost ready. You hungry?”

“Sure.” She sat down and looked around the room. “Where are the others?”

“Henry took them out for ice cream,” he informed her. “Thought they were starting to get a little too loud and was afraid they might disturb you.”

He set a bowl of soup down for her and then held out his arms. “Let me have the wee one.”

“And how are you going to eat?” she asked, a little smirk on her face. “Wiggly babies don’t make it easy.”

“Exactly,” he nodded. “And you haven’t eaten all day. I at least had a bit earlier. So, let me have the little one and I’ll handle her until you’re done.”

For once, Ivy didn’t seem to mind being handed over. She made a grab for Killian’s hook and pulled it up to her mouth and began to gnaw on the curved end. “Teething,” he chuckled. “It’s unconventional, but it works.”

“I’m assuming you used this method for all of them?” she asked between bites.

“All But Leia, who came to us long after she’d gone through that particular hell.” 

Emma tilted her head to the side in question. She didn’t say anything, but he could see her trying to piece together their lives. When he tried to explain, she held up her hand and finally spoke. “Will you tell me about them?” She asked.

He nodded, suddenly overwhelmed about it all. “Aye,” he said softly. “We’ll make a day of it. I’ll bring out all the albums and tell you everything.”

Emma smiled and finished the last of her soup without another word. It wasn’t until after he handed Ivy over so he could eat that she said more.

“I have a brother too,” she stated.

“Neal,” he confirmed. She’d been avoiding him, and to an extent, her parents, ever since they’d come home. He understood why. The last memory she had of Henry’s father was when he abandoned her in prison. She didn’t have the whole story, and the truth of it was, she wasn’t ready to hear it yet. He knew the idea that her parents not only had another child, but named him after someone who hurt her so was a sore spot.

“Were we close?” she asked.

“There’s a bit of an age difference,” he reminded her. “But yes, you two were very close. He spent quite a bit of time over here.”

“What about us?”

“Us?”

“Yeah…” she looked down at Ivy. “Were we happy? I mean… it seems like maybe we were, but… I don’t… nevermind.”

“Hey.” He waited until she looked back up at him. It took a couple minutes, but finally, he was able to look into her eyes. “We were very happy,” he told her.

He wanted to say more, wanted to tell her they could be happy again. But that might be pushing her too far. She’d adjusted well enough to the already drastic changes, piling more on might only damage how far she’d come.

Emma surprised him though. Instead of dropping the subject and retreating, she smiled at him. “I’m happy now,” she said. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get my memories back, but I know that right now, I’m happy here. Maybe we can just start working on creating some new memories.” She rolled her eyes when he couldn’t offer her any more than a dumbfounded look. “I can’t just keep my distance waiting for my memories to come back. We’re a family. I want to be a part of it. I want to get to know the man I married again.”

“Emma-“

“Let’s go out.”

Killian just about choked. As glad as he was to hear those very words, they were the last ones he was expecting.

“To dinner… or something.” Her cheeks were flushed and she seemed slightly unsure of herself.  Almost like the first time she marched into Granny’s and asked him out on a date.

Perhaps the lack of darts was a good thing.

“You know, Swan,” he smiled at her, hoping to erase the look of defeat his lack of an answer had put on her face. “I think that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Would you mind if I planned it?”

He could hardly contain his excitement when she agreed.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thanks for taking the kids, Mom.” She spoke a little louder than necessary, needing Snow to hear her on the other side of the bathroom door. It was taking her a little longer than she’d hoped to get into  what she thought was the perfect dress.

“It’s no trouble at all,” Snow answered. “Are you sure you don’t need any help in there?”

“I think I’ve got it,” Emma grumbled. She was far from finished, but damn determined to get into the dress.

It was perfect.

“Damn boobs!” she snapped.

“Is Mommy complaining about her butt again?” She heard Hope ask on the other side of the door. The question made Emma snort out a laugh.

“Not this time,” Snow answered. “Emma, I can help if you want. Or I can just get you a different dress.”

“I want this one!” She silently scolded herself for sounding like a spoiled child.

“Let me help you,” Snow insisted. With a sigh, Emma clicked the lock open on the door. “Oh, Emma…”

“What?” Emma groaned. She knew the dress was a little tight, but hearing her mother comment on it only had her wondering if it was just a lost cause.

“We are going to get you into this dress if it’s the last thing we do,” Snow stated. Her determination was the last thing Emma expected, but she wasn’t about to question her good fortune.

She could see Hope’s little face peeking into the bathroom, silently watching as they struggled to squeeze Emma into the too small dress. “I don’t suppose you have any ideas?” She asked the now amused little girl.

Hope waved her hand and suddenly, Emma could feel the dress barely hanging off of her shoulders. The hem now brushed at the tops of her feet and Snow made a celebratory shout when she finally managed to zip up the back.

“Sorry, Mommy!” Hope frowned.

“I know you weren’t going for a circus tent,” Snow giggled, “but it fits, right?”

Emma didn’t want to upset Hope, but the too-large dress was even more frustrating than the too-small one. “There’s got to be a way to fix it, right?”

“You have magic too, Mommy,” Hope reminded her.

Right. There was that. But she couldn’t remember ever using magic and was afraid that if she tried, she might end up in an even worse state.

Hope didn’t stick around to watch the resulting non-event. By the time Emma decided to give her own magic a try, her daughter was halfway down the hall.

Not that there was anything to see. She tried to wave her hand like Hope had, but nothing happened. “Now what?” she asked Snow.

The pitter-patter of little feet tearing down the hall sounded, distracting her fro a moment. What on earth was-

“I got Charlie!” Hope proclaimed. “He can help me!” She ran up to Emma and hugged her legs. “We can work on your magic later, Mommy.”

Great. Magic lessons from a four year old.

If she was being honest, putting a four year old and a toddler in charge of magically fixing her wardrobe probably wasn’t the best idea. She was running out of options though. “Okay guys,” she nodded. “Go ahead and do your thing.”

It took a few tries, but eventually, Hope and Charlie managed to fix the damage. 

“Pretty Mama!” Charlie exclaimed.

Snow looked like she was going to cry, but shook her head and turned her attention to the kids. “Why don’t we let your mom finish up, and then we can all say our goodnights downstairs?” Both children reluctantly agreed and followed their grandmother out of the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Killian waited… rather impatiently… for Emma to finish getting ready. He had the evening all planned out. Reservations at the restaurant where they had their first date, followed by one of those long walks on the beach that they hadn’t shared in far too long.

“Papa,” Leia scolded him when he looked at the clock again. “You know what happens when you rush Mommy.”

“What happens?” Emma asked as she came down the stairs.

Killian’s jaw dropped and he found himself speechless. If Emma had her memories, she would have teased him about his sudden inability to form words. Now, she just looked at him, confused.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all, love,” he managed to choke out. Had she remembered? He looked over at Snow, who shrugged. If she hadn’t helped Emma-

“Killian?”

“You look stunning, Swan,” was all he could manage to say.

She gave him a soft smile, her cheeks flushing slightly at the compliment. Leia ran up to her first, leading her the rest of the way down the stairs and into the living room. "Papa was going to rush you," she tattled.

"Traitor," Killian teased.

"Okay," Hope stated with a roll of her eyes. "You go now."

Leia agreed wholeheartedly, and linked Emma and Killian's hands. "We're fine. Go have fun."

"Hugs first," Snow ordered, though not before snapping a picture with her Polaroid. She laughed when Emma complained about the flash.

After a round of hugs,  kisses, and good nights, they were out the door. Emma and Killian headed towards the Bug, Snow and the kids headed towards the minivan. He could have sworn he heard one of the girls call out "don't forget to fall in love!" but decided that since Emma didn't seem to hear it, he wouldn't bring it up.

She didn't need that kind of pressure. Not on a first date.

"So," Emma broke the silence. "Where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise, Swan," Killian laughed. "Just be patient, it isn't far."

She made a little noise in feigned annoyance and gave him a silly little smirk when he looked over at her. "I don't pillage and plunder on the first date," she said offhandedly when they pulled up to the restaurant. "Just so you know."

"That's because you haven't been out with me yet."

The words echoed in his head while he tried to get control over his heart which was now racing so fast that he thought it might burst.

"Hey," Emma covered his hand with hers. "Killian? I was just giving you a hard time because you were being so secretive. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Emma-"

"That doesn't mean I actually do pillage and plunder on the first date..." she tried to explain. "I just thought you know, because you're a pirate, you might find it funny. I really didn't mean to upset you."

"You haven't," he smiled. "It's just..." how could he explain how closely this actually resembled their first date? How she chose the same dress, said the same words, and...

Bloody hell, it was killing him.

His wife was right there, but she wasn't. This was all new to her, and she was tripping up every single one of his memories without even knowing.

"Why don't we work on making some memories?" she suggested.

He would tell her later. Later when he wasn't trying to give Emma the perfect evening. Later, when the thought of being without her memories didn't hurt so much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!

  
  
"I like that it's not Granny's," Emma stated as Killian pulled out her chair. When he sat down across from her, she couldn't help but notice he had that look on his face again. The same look he had when she teased him with a silly pirate joke. Suddenly, things started clicking into place. "We've been here before," she guessed.   
  
"Aye," he nodded.   
  
"And you're reliving something that I can't remember."   
  
He reached over and took her hand. "They're good memories, Swan."   
  
"Maybe you can share them with me some time,"  she said.   
  
"I think that's a lovely idea," he agreed.   
  
With her new understanding of his occasionally odd behavior, the rest of the evening went smoothly. Perfectly, if she was being honest. By the time they left the restaurant in favor for a nighttime walk, she was beginning to rethink her stance on pillaging and plundering on the first date.    
  
It was a quiet night. The sky was clear, the temperature was warm, and there was hardly anyone else around to interrupt them as they walked hand in hand along the shore.   
  
Emma couldn’t help but ask about Killian’s pirating past. “So, if you’re Captain Hook… where’s your ship? Did you leave it in Neverland?”   
  
“I knew it!” he teased. “You married me for my ship!”   
  
“I’m sure I didn’t,” Emma laughed. Memory or no memory, it was pretty easy to see why she’d marry a guy like Killian. He was kind hearted, supportive, and from the stories she heard him tell the kids, he lived a life full of adventure. In a way, it didn’t make much sense. Why would he chose to remain landlocked and tied down? “Did you really give everything up to settle down and have a family?”   
  
“I’ve had a few centuries’ worth of adventures,” he admitted. “And if I’m being completely honest, there hasn’t been much settling down to speak of. Yes, we have a full house, law enforcement duties, and more responsibilities than I can count, but our lives don’t lack adventure. They just sometimes involve diaper bags and strollers.”   
  
“And where do we go on these adventures?” she asked.    
  
“Why don’t I show you?”    
  
He led her towards the harbor, once again choosing to keep quiet on his plans. They finally stopped in front of a ship.   
  
“You still have your ship,” she stated. “Is that really the _Jolly Roger_?” It was like something from a childhood dream. It shouldn’t exist… none of this town should technically exist. Yet here she was, daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, married to Captain Hook and looking at yet another remnant of the childhood stories she used to read. As if her life wasn’t strange enough before.   
  
“Aye… technically, it’s our ship now,” he mused. “Though the children seem to think they have run of it when they’re on board.” He gave her hand a little squeeze, then nodded towards the _Jolly_. “Shall we?”    
  
Emma let him lead her onto the deck. It took her a moment to adjust to the gentle rocking of the ship, but she could only assume by the way Killian was smirking that he could see how unsteady she was.    
  
“I’ve got you,” he said, a slight playfulness in his tone. “Wouldn’t want you falling overboard, would we?”    
  
“I feel like I could do without further injury,” she agreed, curling in closer to him. “Maybe we could get out of the cold, too? I think the sea breeze is finally getting to me.”   
  
“We could go below deck,” he suggested. “I might have a bottle of-”   
  
“I can’t drink, remember?” She pointed to her head and frowned. Not because he’d forgotten, but because she really wanted a bit of whatever was in the bottle he was talking about. With the steady stream of Tylenol and other pain medications, even the smallest bit of alcohol was probably a bad idea.   
  
Killian smiled and led her towards the door anyway. “We’ve also got a bottle of that sparkling cider,” he said. “It’s a poor substitute, but did the trick when it was your only option.”   
  
_Oh. She had to hear more of this one._  
  
“My only option?” she couldn’t help but giggle when he let out a loud laugh. “You make it sound like I can’t go a day without a drink.”   
  
“It’s not that, luv,” he assured her. “But we tend to have a good bottle of champagne on special occasions. And sometimes, when the children drive you crazy, you tend to lock yourself in the bathroom with a bit of wine… or my flask. Whichever was closest. But when you were pregnant with Ivy, you practically craved that cider, and it seemed to have the same calming effect. Especially when Charlie was being… well, Charlie.”   
  
“Maybe it’s the bubbles.”    
  
“I’m sure a little bit of peace and quiet helped, too,” he admitted.   
  
Their plans for peace and quiet on the _Jolly_ were dashed when they both turned at the sound of something creaking behind them. Killian immediately stepped in front of her, shielding her from-   
  
“Henry?” Killian asked when her son stepped out onto the deck.    
  
Emma could see him visibly relax, but she still had questions. “What are you doing here?”   
  
Henry shared a glance with Killian that could only be described as conspiratorial. “Uh…” he flushed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Killian said I could use the ship whenever I needed it, and you guys were on a date, so…”   
  
“So you couldn’t stay with Regina for a night?” That was odd. Everyone claimed things had changed and that Henry and Regina were close, so why wouldn’t he just stay with her for a night?   
  
“I needed some privacy,” Henry admitted.   
  
_Oh god._   
  
“Really, Killian?” She asked. “You just handed my son a boat so he could sneak girls around?”   
  
“I _am_ an adult,” Henry reminded her. “And I’m not sneaking anything. Apartment hunting is just taking a bit longer than I’d hoped, and I figured a date on the _Jolly_ would be better than you know… a date with all my little siblings present.”   
  
“Just don’t go through all the rum,” Killian said. “Is this the woman from the paper? The one you’ve been trying to ask out since you started working there?”   
  
“Killian!” Emma snapped.   
  
She didn’t want to know any of this. Maybe before, it wasn’t a problem, but for her, Henry was just ten… yesterday. She absolutely was not ready to hear about him dating or breaking into the rum, or bringing women out for some alone time on a ship. Oh, she was going to have a long talk with her husband, because handing a ship over to a lovesick young man was just asking for trouble.   
  
“Don’t worry, Mom,” Henry said. “I’ve received enough lectures about how important it is to be a gentleman to last a lifetime.” He glanced over at Killian, who nodded in agreement.    
  
“The lad’s got a good head on his shoulders,” Killian said. “I suppose with the amount of parents he’s got, it was a given that he’d turn out all right.”   
  
As much as Emma wanted to believe him -and she really did- she still worried. Henry was a good kid, and he seemed to be a good and responsible adult, but he was still young. Too young to-   
  
“Why don’t we head home, Swan?” Killian suggested.   
  
She didn’t want to leave Henry. It almost felt irresponsible, even though it really wasn’t. After quickly reminding herself that she was having a good date, and that Henry was an adult, she agreed.    
  
But maybe tomorrow, she’d talk to Killian about the free reign on the ship.   
  


* * *

  
Home wasn’t the  _ Jolly Roger _ , but for the first time since she’d moved back in, it was quiet. There was no wailing, no tantrums, and no chaos. But there was also no laughter, no hugs, and no sloppy toddler kisses on her cheek.    
  
She missed the kids.    
  
“So how about a movie?” Killian asked.     
  
“Or you could kiss me goodnight,” she said playfully. Judging by the way his face fell, he misunderstood. “I don’t mean we have to actually call it a night,” she corrected quickly. “I mean… maybe we could pick up where we left off? You know, before we were thrown overboard?”    
  
He raised an eyebrow, silently questioning her. She didn’t know if he couldn’t understand what she was asking, or if he couldn’t believe it.    
  
“I know I said I don’t pillage and plunder on the first date,” she explained. “But we’re married, right? Seems kind of silly to just- mmmph!”    
  
The kiss caught her by surprise. Forceful and sweet all at the same time, she melted into it easily.     
  
His coat fell first, hitting the floor after she slipped it off his shoulders. Her shoes were next, falling when he lifted her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his waist, then complained when he stopped kissing her. “Killian…” she whined.    
  
“So that’s a ‘no’ to the movie?” he teased as he started carrying her upstairs. “Just want to skip straight to the more enjoyable activities?”     
  
“Is that a problem?”     
  
She felt him pull down the zipper on the back of her dress.  “Never a problem, Swan.”    
  
“Then maybe we should make it to the bedroom before someone finds a trail of clothes lying around the house tomorrow.”     
  


* * *

  
Emma woke to an empty bed and a sharp pain coursing through her head. A noise escaped, though whether it was a whimper or a cry, she couldn’t be sure. Whatever sound she managed must have been loud enough to alert Killian, who came running in from the bathroom.    
  
“Luv?” He was by her side and pulling her into his arms in an instant. His soothing words and back rub weren’t enough to calm the pain, but she appreciated it. He didn’t try to get her to explain, as though he sensed that she wasn’t able to do much more than try not to make it worse.    
  
There was a slight movement when he leaned over and grabbed what she knew were her pills. The soft rattling triggered another wave of pain that would have sent her into a crumpled heap had he not been holding on to her.   
  
“Give me your hand, darling,” he said softly as he popped the top off the bottle. He shook a pill into her hand, then set the bottle back down and picked up the glass of water he’d placed there the night before. “All right, Emma, down the hatch.”    
  
She stuck the pill in her mouth and let him help her with the water. As sweet as it all was, she hated every second of it. Surely this wasn’t the life he expected when he married her. How much longer would he put up with it? She could see it in his eyes -in everyone’s eyes- this was hard on him and everyone else in her life. How much longer would they accept that she just might be a permanent burden on them all?   
  
Killian moved her back to her pillows. Emma couldn’t open her eyes without risking another shot of pain, so she just listened to him quietly shuffling around the room. Eventually, he returned to her side and tried to get her to sit up.   
  
“We’ve got to get some clothes on you, sweetheart,” he explained. “The children will be back soon, and if you’re not downstairs-”   
  
“They’ll come running upstairs,” she confirmed, albeit weakly.    
  
God, last night had been perfect, and now…   
  
“Work with me?” he asked.   
  
_Oh._   
  
“Sorry,” she apologized.   
  
“It’s all right,” he assured her. “Now, arms up.”   
  
Now he was dressing her like a toddler. Could the morning get any worse?   
  
The answer was yes, yes it could.   
  
Once she was dressed in a comfortable pair of pajamas, Killian tucked her in and kissed her temple.    
  
She was a baby. A baby who couldn’t do a damn thing for herself.   
  
“I’m going to start breakfast,” he informed her. “I’ll make some extra just in case you start to feel better.”   
  
“Okay,” she mumbled.    
  
It wasn’t long before Emma could smell breakfast, and then, the sound of little voices began to fill the house.  Thankfully, her medication had started to take the edge off most of her pain. The aversion to noise had somewhat subsided, so long as there was nothing too piercing or loud. The smell of food however, was making her sick to her stomach.   
  
“Mama?” The voice was so quiet that it was almost a whisper. Emma cracked her eyes open and found Leia standing in the doorway. “Are you okay?”   
  
“Can you shut the door?” Emma asked after inviting Leia inside.    
  
After doing what Emma asked, Leia made her way across the room.   
  
Emma threw back the covers and smiled. “Come give me snuggles.”   
  
Leia didn’t hesitate to crawl into bed and cuddle up to Emma, but her concern was still there. “You’re not okay, are you?”   
  
“Not really.” As much as she hated to worry the little girl, she figured the truth was better than an obvious lie. Still, she figured she could soften the blow a bit. “My head just hurts, is all. I’ll be okay.”   
  
“Promise?” Leia asked.   
  
“Promise.”   
  
The pain began to fade slowly as she started to drift off. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out when she felt the bed moving again. Another child snuggled up under the covers, followed by another. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on the blur that was her husband, standing at the side of the bed. Ivy was in his arms, happily gnawing away on the curve of his hook.   
  
“I tried,” he sighed. “They missed you too much.”   
  
“It’s okay.” They weren’t being disruptive, and if she was being honest, it felt nice to be wanted so much.    
  
“How are you feeling?” he asked.   
  
She could tell him she was fine, but that would have been a lie, so she just shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”   
  
That didn’t seem to be the right answer. “Would you like me to take you to the hospital?”    
  
“God, no.” She hated the fact that she sounded so whiny. The hospital was the last place she wanted to be though.  “It took me way too long to get out the first time. I’ve got an appointment on Monday. It’s just a headache and the medicine is taking care of it.”   
  
“Emma-”   
  
“If it gets worse, I promise I’ll let you take me in,” she swore.    
  
She didn’t know if he believed her or not, but he let it drop for the time being. “Get some rest. Ivy and I would join you, but she’s rather energetic at the moment.” He looked at the other three, who were already snoozing. “Can’t say the same for the rest of our sloths,” he chuckled.    
  
“They’ll wake up soon enough,” she assured him.    
  
“There’s food when you’re ready.”   
  
She thanked him, then he left the room so she could rest. Part of her was grateful that she had such a loving and supportive family. Another part wondered what she’d done to deserve any of it.   
  
Things didn’t get any better as the day progressed. Her medicine made her groggy, and when it started to wear off, her headache returned. By midday, the only thing she wanted was to feel somewhat human and it didn’t seem like that would happen any time soon.    
  
Then there was Killian. He split his time between taking care of the kids and taking care of her. If he wasn’t exhausted, it would be a miracle. Fortunately for him, she was asleep most of the time and all he had to do was make sure she wasn’t dead. A couple of times he attempted to get her to eat some food and now, he was sitting next to her on the bed, rubbing her back.    
  
“Really, Killian,” she grumbled, wincing at how ungrateful she sounded. “I’m fine. You’re overworking yourself. Go have fun with the kids.”   
  
That’s all she wanted to do. She had plans for the day. Plans that included enjoying her family. Her body, however, had other ideas.    
  
“Henry’s taken them to the park,” Killian said. “And you may say you’re fine, but most people who are fine aren’t confined to a bed all day.”   
  
“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” she said as a painful lump began to form in her throat. “I’m sorry.” Now she was crying. _Great._   
  
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” he said. “And I didn’t sign up for many things in life, but taking care of the woman I love is actually one of the things I happily agreed to.”   
  
“It’s not fair to you,” she protested. “Taking care of each other when a case of the flu is going around is one thing. This might be a lifetime issue.”   
  
“It very well might be,” he agreed. “But if it’s not fair to anyone in this situation, it’s you. You don’t deserve this pain, Emma.”   
  
_God dammit. Why was he so perfect?_   
  
“You don’t deserve-”   
  
“There are a lot of things I don’t deserve,” he cut her off with a laugh. “Let’s not get into that list right now, darling, because we’ll be here all day.”   
  
“I mean… I’m not going anywhere at the moment,” she reminded him.    
  
“I’m not going anywhere ever,” he stated. “I love you, Emma. If that means I have to spend the rest of my life helping you manage whatever this brings? I’m here for that, and it’s not a problem. We just have to cherish the good moments we do get to have. I think we’ve had quite a few so far, don’t you?”   
  
Emma couldn’t help but giggle. “You sound like my mother.”   
  
“She’s got a way of getting into your head,” he agreed. “Now, why don’t you let me know what I can do to help make you feel better now?”   
  
“Cuddle with me?” she asked. He didn’t hesitate to slip under the covers and pull her against him. She relaxed and took his hand, holding it close to her heart. “Despite the crappy wake up call, I think we could call that date a success.” She scrunched her nose and let out a little squeak when he gave her a little kiss on her neck. “Tickles.”   
  
His laugh made it tickle even more. “Stoooop,” she half protested, though at this point, she had managed to roll over so she could start poking him in the side in an attempt to get even. That only prompted him to pepper her with more kisses.    
  
Not that she minded.   
  
God, he loved her. It was the first time he’d said the words since she’d woken up. Granted, she knew he probably loved her… seeing as he married her and had a family with her, but he practically tiptoed around the actual words as though he thought they might scare her.   
  
They did scare her, even though she was sure if she had her memories they wouldn’t. What changed? What caused her to bring her walls down and let this man in?   
  
He didn’t seem upset that she didn’t say the words back, and it seemed even more like he didn’t expect it.    
  
Suddenly, he stopped pestering her and gave her some space. “I’m sorry, luv,” he apologized. “I know you’re not feeling well-”   
  
“I’m okay,” she assured him. “I mean… I’m really groggy, but my head doesn’t hurt all that much right now. I was having fun.”   
  
“We still should take it easy,” he said. “Especially since I feel like all the fun we had yesterday is probably the reason you’re feeling so terrible today.”   
  
Well, maybe they had overdone it a bit. But…   
  
“You can’t blame yourself for that,” she said. “And don’t say you’re not. I can see it all over your face. I’m a big girl, and I make my own decisions. We had a good date followed up with… what did you call it?”   
  
“More enjoyable activities?” He raised his eyebrow and smirked at her, sending her into another round of giggles.   
  
She never giggled. Not like this.   
  
“Yeah,” she nodded. “And if I recall, we were both pretty into it. So I think we can share the blame.”   
  
He hummed in response and pulled her close again.    
  
“Hey,” she nudged him. “It was worth it.” When he didn’t say anything, she poked him in the side again, smiling when he laughed. “Really. Don’t worry about it, okay?”   
  
“As you wish,” he finally agreed.    
  
Emma found it impossible to calm the butterflies that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in her stomach. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!

“Where’s Emma?” David asked when Killian stepped into the office a few days later.  

“Henry took the children for the day and Emma is with Snow,” Killian replied. “She wanted to try and reunite with Neal and having all the children around might prove to be a distraction.” It was more of a last minute decision. After David called with an update for Killian, Emma expressed interest in meeting her little brother.  

“Guess that means Snow will be calling me soon,” David smiled. “How’s everything else going?” 

Emma had been fairly distant when it came to her parents, something that Killian absolutely hated. He could see that it hurt them, even though he knew they understood. “It’s an adjustment,” he sighed. Their appointment with Whale hadn’t helped matters. There were now more questions than answers when it came to her memories, her headaches, and how that would all wear on her. She’d spent most of the afternoon holed up in their room, refusing any company at all.  

That had been a difficult day for all of them. 

But she  _ had  _ moved back into their room. That was something. Leia and Hope were the first to express their joy, and it wasn’t long after that that Charlie began sneaking into their bed in the middle of the night… like he used to when things weren’t quite so complicated. 

“How’s our guest?” Killian nodded towards the main office where Fulton still sat in a holding cell. He still had a hard time processing the fact that it was Fulton who fired the shot. There was a small part of him that hoped it was just a misunderstanding. But the young man had confessed, and that was pretty damning despite the lack of evidence. 

“He’s been better,” David said. “We found the gun.” 

“And?” 

“His prints are all over it.” 

“Bloody hell.” Killian groaned. “Anything else?” When the prince hesitated, Killian growled. “Just tell me, Dave.” 

“Emma took a report a couple months ago,” David explained. “About a theft from Gold’s shop?” 

He remembered the report. It was strange then, and made even less sense now.  “You’re saying he stole from the Dark One?” Killian laughed. Granted,  _ someone  _ had stolen from the pawn shop, but the likelihood of Fulton being successful at such a feat wasn’t likely. 

David shook his head. “I’m saying that he managed to get his hands on the gun at some point. But… when did Gold start keeping guns in the shop? It’s not like he needs the protection.” 

Killian shrugged. “I’m not really sure that’s what it was for. You know that imp. He keeps meticulous records. Someone was desperate enough for money and he’s willing to make a deal for just about anything.” 

“Well, Gold isn’t saying anything,” David grumbled. “Neither is our lost boy over there.” 

He knew he could always try and talk to Fulton himself, but he also knew that he still didn’t have any control over his temper.  

_ Why the bloody hell would he shoot Emma?  _

“I’ve asked Regina to help us out,” David admitted. 

“I wasn’t aware she was back.” Granted, with Emma’s memories being all scrambled, he could see why she’d keep her distance.  

“Just a couple days ago,” he said offhandedly. “I just want to double check and make sure there’s nothing magical going on.” 

None of it made any sense. It was hard enough to believe that Fulton had shot Emma, but stealing from Gold and using magic on top of that? He knew David was doing his best to keep him informed, but there was a part of him that wondered if there were things his father in law wasn’t sharing. 

Not that he blamed him. It was frustrating to think that there was more to the story. More reasons to have David believe that magic  _ might  _ be involved. But he’d played the law game for some time now and could understand why some things were left unsaid.  

If David wasn’t sure, he wouldn’t want information getting out that could possibly screw up the investigation. 

And then there was that. It was still all under investigation. Whatever case David was building could all come crashing down in an instant and Killian was too close to the situation to have the privilege of knowing everything. 

He was almost certain if he knew more, he would damn the rules to hell and cut Fulton down where he stood. And where would that leave them? Killian would be in the cell and Emma… 

He didn’t want to think about it. 

* * *

_ “Be good for your papa,” Emma said to the sobbing toddler. She could almost hear his little nod, followed by a confirmation that he’d try to do what she’d asked. _

_ Charlie wasn’t her easiest kid. He prefered her over everyone else, and like his little sister, was often inconsolable when Emma had to pull a night shift. She knew it upset Killian, but a small part of her was glad that they didn’t  _ all  _ prefer Killian.  _

_ Leia and Hope were another story. They were daddy’s girls through and through. She was always just a little bit jealous of that, but now with four small children causing chaos in the house, she figured dividing sure did make conquering a bit easier.  _

_ But now here she was, pulling an extra shift due to a sick deputy. Killian was still getting over the nasty bug Leia had brought home right before summer break, so that left Emma to pick up the slack. Not that she minded. She loved her family, but she also loved her job, so taking an extra shift now and then wasn’t something she considered a chore. _

_ Though she did feel slightly guilty leaving the house with Ivy wailing. Bedtime was nursing time and Emma learned early on the infant accepted no substitute. It was the main reason she’d stopped working nights to begin with. Her littlest one was a picky kid. _

_ Deciding she would just have to make up for it when her shift ended, Emma said her goodbyes to Charlie and Killian, then headed off to check out the call that had just come in. It was a silent alarm at one of the only shops that remained open after dark in Storybrooke. She found out early on that its only customers were the few people who worked nights. While it was good for a caffeine fix, the extra hours seemed unnecessary. _

_ It had been hit a couple of times in the past month. Nothing major. Just some petty theft and maybe a kid rushing off with a little extra cash in their pocket. The owner, a grumpy old man who she was sure was some sort of peddler in the Enchanted Forest, always called it in after, grumbled about “those damn kids,” and gave her an itemized list of what had been taken. _

_ So the silent alarm gave her pause. He wasn’t the type to panic over a little petty theft. She rushed to the shop, parking at the rear of it in hopes of catching the criminal by surprise.  _

_ Unfortunately, her view seemed to be obstructed at every window as she crept around to the front. She could hear shouting when she neared the front entrance. Someone yelling at the owner… a voice that sounded strangely familiar to her. Carefully, she opened the door and saw the man behind the counter quickly pulling what little money he had out of the register and handing it over to- _

_ “Fulton?” _

_ There was a loud bang, followed by a shooting pain- _

Emma sat up with a start, disoriented at her suddenly dark surroundings.  

“Sweetheart?” Killian’s voice, rough with sleep, cleared the fog from her head. She could feel him moving beside her, likely sitting up, though she was still in too much shock to move. “What happened?” he asked. “Do you need your medicine?” 

“No…” she said slowly, now far too aware of how her pajamas were clinging to her sweat soaked body.  

“Bad dream?”  

She nodded, not sure if he could see her, but he didn’t question her further.  _ Was  _ it a bad dream? It all seemed so real. She felt his hand come up to her forehead and wanted nothing more than to remind him that she wasn’t a child, but he didn’t give her a chance. 

“You’re burning up,” he stated. “Are you sure your head-” 

“Doesn’t hurt,” she snapped. Instantly, she felt horrible for the outburst. “Sorry…” 

“It’s all right, darling,” he assured her. “Why don’t I start a bath for you? It might help you cool down a bit.” 

Emma didn’t have the energy to argue. She let him help her into the tub once he’d filled it, and downed the tylenol he gave her shortly after she’d started to relax.  

“I’ll be right in the next room,” he informed her as he kissed the top of her head. “Just call if you need me.” 

“Okay,” she mumbled. 

At first she was grateful that he’d given her space, but it became apparent that he was only trying to keep her from hearing the conversation he was having with who she only could assume was Whale. She could tell he was trying to be quiet. She was unable to make out his hushed whispers, though she could hear the panic in his tone. 

She waited for him to hang up, then got out of the tub and dried off.  

“What are you doing?”  

Emma turned so quickly that she was hit by a dizzy spell.  

“You shouldn’t be walking around right now,” Killian said when he caught her. “Come on, luv.” He lifted her off the ground and set her on the bed. “I’m taking you to the hospital.” 

“I’m fine,” She protested, but she still didn’t have the strength to stop him. He put her pajamas on, then lifted her up again. “Killian-” 

“Whale thinks it could be an infection,” he said. “Could you just let me take care of you?” 

“Kids…” she sighed. “Who’s going to watch the kids?”  

“Don’t worry. I’ve already informed Henry. He’ll keep an eye on the wee ones.” 

* * *

Emma passed out almost as soon as the staff had her in a bed. After a brief check, Whale started her on some medication to combat the infection.

Killian brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. The fever had started to subside, but she still looked so small and weak. He hated seeing her like this and he knew she hated it too. He wanted so badly to tell her it would be okay. Perhaps it would be. She would heal eventually and the risk of infections would go away. The migraines might even stop. 

But her memories might never return.  

“Fulton…” 

“Shhh.” Killian took Emma’s hand as she started to stir. “You need to relax,” he soothed.  _ Had she just mentioned Fulton? _

“Where am I?” She blinked her eyes a few time, slowly taking in everything. “We’re not home?” 

“We’re at the hospital,” he reminded her. “And you need your rest, Swan.” 

She closed her eyes again, but she didn’t go back to sleep. He could practically see her mind at work in the silence and knew exactly what was coming. As suspected, she opened her eyes and started asking questions again. 

“Do we know anyone named Fulton?” She asked. 

Up until now, he’d kept quiet about what David had discovered. There wasn’t a lot of information that made any sense and there was no use letting Emma worry about anything until they had some real answers.  

But now she was asking him about things she  _ shouldn’t  _ know. Things that got wiped with the rest of her memories. 

It gave him hope. Obviously  _ something  _ was trying to get through in that mind of hers.  

“We do know a young man by that name,” he nodded.  

“Is he the type of guy who would shoot someone?”  

“I didn’t think so,” Killian sighed. “But… I really don’t want you to worry about that right now, Emma. Your father has been doing what he can to figure out what exactly happened. I promise, luv. When I have useful information, I’ll let you know.” 

She didn’t seem particularly pleased with the answer, but didn’t push him any further. He hated that he didn’t have anything more to tell her and wondered what exactly she’d remembered… if she remembered anything at all.  

“I promised Neal he could come over today,” she said. 

Killian was grateful for the subject change. While he really wanted her to get some sleep, he figured if she was going to talk, a safe subject would be preferred. “I never did get to ask how your day with him went yesterday.” Everyone had arrived home around the same time and Emma had been downright exhausted. His intention was to ask in the morning, but those plans were scrapped by a trip to the hospital. 

“It’s weird,” she admitted. “I still can’t believe I have a little brother. I’m probably going to be getting grandchildren while he’s still in high school.” 

“Best not think that far ahead,” he chuckled. “You’ll likely give yourself more gray hair.” 

She groaned in disgust.  

“All right,” Whale said as he stepped into the room.  

Emma groaned again.  

“Good to see you too,” he stated, rolling his eyes. “Trust me, Emma. I want you out of here just as much as you want to  _ be  _ out of here.” 

Killian laughed at that. Emma never was the easiest patient. He was grateful that she didn’t actively try to fight the Doctor, like she had when she was in labor with Hope. There were a few snide remarks, but thankfully, she kept her fists down this time. 

“It looks like the medicine is doing its job. I just want your fever to stay down a little longer,” Whale said after he was done looking her over. “After that, I can send you home with some meds and you’ll be fine.” 

“Fine,” Emma sighed. Killian was relieved. Maybe now, she’d settle a bit and take a nap.  

After promising he’d be back later, Whale left the room. Emma kept her eyes shut and didn’t say anything more. Almost as if she knew he’d only beg her to get some sleep. It seemed to do the trick. After a few minutes, her grip on his hand loosened and her breathing evened out.  

_ Finally.  _

She actually looked at ease for the first time since she’d woken up from her coma.  

He frowned. Maybe her parents had been right. Maybe she  _ would  _ have been better off going with them, rather than waking up only to be dumped into the middle of a chaotic household. From the moment she stepped foot back into their home, the children hadn’t left her alone. She didn’t seem to mind, but it was a lot of responsibility to put on someone who couldn’t remember the past decade of her life. On top of that, she was prone to exhaustion and headaches thanks to her injury. Perhaps that was why it all went to hell after only a few weeks. 

It was a bloody disaster and he’d led her right into it. 

“I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered. There was no answer. Emma was fast asleep, getting the rest she rightly deserved. 

* * *

Henry insisted he’d warned the children to give Emma her space when they returned home, and Killian even believed him. He also knew the warnings were of no use. As soon as they walked in the door, Emma was bombarded with hugs and kisses. Charlie clung to her legs and Ivy refused to stop fussing until she was in Emma’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Emma said calmly when he tried to help her out.  

_ She missed them too.   _

Eventually, he was able to get them all settled on the couch. They still crowded Emma, but she was at least able to relax a little bit. He wondered how she felt, being surrounded by so much love. Love she never thought would be a part of her life.  

There was a look in her eyes. One that he recognized, but hadn’t seen in years. The look that said “run.” Part of him still worried that she might. As adjusted as she might seem to everyone else- 

“Are you gonna die, Mama?”  

Leia’s question cause him to snap back to the present. “Leia…” He didn’t need her worrying the younger children, and Emma certainly didn’t need a reminder of how fragile her injury made her. 

“Sorry,” Leia sniffled a bit and looked down at her hands, folded in her lap. 

“I’m not going to die,” Emma assured her -all of them- with a soft smile. “I know things are a little rough right now, but I promise you that I’m not going anywhere.” 

She was talking about her mortality, but Killian read between the lines.  

_ Emma wasn’t going anywhere. _

A knock on the door pulled his attention away from the heartwarming sight in his living room. Killian exchanged a glance with Henry, who shrugged. They weren’t expecting anyone. 

He made his way to the front door and opened it to find Snow, David, and Neal outside. “We didn’t want to intrude,” David apologized. “But Neal was worried when you called and said Emma was in the hospital.” 

_ Of course.  _

He and Emma had only just begun to rebuild what they had. It was only natural that her little brother would worry when plans were canceled. “Come on in,” he stepped aside for them. “Just be gentle. She needs to take it easy.” 

Neal agreed and was much more cautious than his nieces and nephew. He walked over to the couch and climbed up, smiling from ear to ear when Emma pulled him in for a hug. 

_ Maybe things were going to be all right. _

David tilted his head, nodding towards the kitchen. “While they’re busy, maybe we could talk for a minute?”  

Snow gave them a small smile and excused herself before joining Emma and the children. Killian assumed that David wanted to talk about the case. Voices, no matter how quiet, had the potential to carry from the kitchen into the living room. “Perhaps  we should go upstairs, mate,” he suggested. 

David agreed. “Study?”  

“Aye,” Killian nodded. “I’ll be up in a moment.” 

For a second, it looked like David was going to insist on waiting, but he closed his mouth almost as soon as he opened it, then turned and made his way up the stairs. Killian took the opportunity to go to Emma, who was somewhat buried under a pile of children. He kissed the top of her head gently, smiling when she tilted her head to look up at him. 

“Everything okay?” she asked.  

“I’m sure everything’s fine, luv,” he said. “I’ll be back shortly.” 

“Okay.”  

He gave her one final kiss to the forehead, then went to join David upstairs.  

He found the prince pacing in the study, so lost in thought that he startled when Killian cleared his throat. “Everything all right, mate?” 

“The gun was enchanted,” David blurted out. “Like Robin’s bow.” 

“So… it always hits its target?” Killian asked. 

“That’s what Regina seems to think,” David nodded. “And I went through Gold’s records. That gun has probably been there since the first curse. Regina said it doesn’t seem like his magic either.” 

“And you believe her? Believe  _ him _ ?” Regina had no reason to lie, but Gold… the man may have been invited to sit at their table, but Killian refused to ever trust a word out of the Dark One’s mouth. 

“If Regina says it’s not his magic, I can trust that,” David confirmed. “What I’m more concerned about is who stole the gun in the first place. My first thought was its original owner, but that person has been gone for some time now.” 

“Gone as in…” 

“Yeah,” David nodded. “And not really the magical type anyway.” 

Killian groaned in frustration. David was right though, the previous owner didn’t matter all that much. What mattered was that someone  _ had  _ enchanted the gun and someone had stolen it from the shop.  

Who was the thief and how did the gun wind up in Fulton’s hands? 

“I need to talk to Fulton,” Killian stated. 

David sighed and looked at the floor. “About that…” 

“What?” Whatever David wasn’t saying… 

“He got out,” David admitted. “He can’t leave town. Regina made sure of that. But right now, he’s hiding out and we’re having a heck of a time tracking him down. The station is lacking manpower. Right now, it’s me, two deputies, and occasionally Henry helping out. Regina’s been chipping in with the magic stuff, but we’re hurting.” 

“Dave-“ 

He held his hand up. “No. I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty. You need to be here with Emma. I get that, and I wouldn’t ask anything different. I’m just saying that we’re doing the best we can.  _ I’m  _ doing the best I can. We’ll fix this. You just take care of your family.” 

What choice did he have but to agree? Leaving Emma to fend for herself was the worst possible thing he could do. Not only was she not ready, leaving her unattended was against the strict set of orders Whale had given him. Having Henry around had helped in that regard, and now that Emma was opening up to her parents, there were more options. 

But David was right. She was his wife and it was his family. Asking for help was one thing, pawning off responsibilities so he could chase criminals around town was another. 

“When we bring him back in you’ll be the first to know,” David assured him. 

“I appreciate it.” 

He stayed behind when David left to rejoin the group. Now there were more questions than answers. Why did Fulton run? He was guilty, but really…  _ how  _ guilty was he? He said once that he never meant to shoot Emma, but his jailbreak told a different story. Did he know the gun was enchanted? 

Who the bloody hell would enchant a gun?  

That left two scenarios. Either Fulton was telling the truth and never meant to shoot Emma, or Emma was just incredibly lucky. 

* * *

For the first time in weeks, Emma felt great. She’d had a good night’s sleep and woke up with no headaches or any other weird side effects from her injury. The smell of bacon drifted up into the room. Judging by the empty bed and the robe laid out for her, she figured Killian was simply waiting for her to join him when she woke. 

The lack of racket hinted at a home all to themselves. Smiling, she got out of bed and slipped on the robe, then made her way out of the room and downstairs. The floorboards creaked, but Killian didn’t make any indication that he knew she was up and about. 

“Aye,” she heard him say. When he didn’t turn towards her, she realized he was talking on the phone. “I can’t make it right now, Dave,” he continued. “Henry and Snow took the children, but I haven’t got anyone to keep an eye on Emma.” 

She may not have remembered getting shot, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t half as painful as the heartache she felt right now. Did he really love her? 

_ Or was she nothing more than an obligation? _

“Emma?”  

She didn’t know when he finished his call, but his phone was on the counter, the stove was off, and he was walking towards her. “Stop.” She took a step back. There was hurt in his expression and it hurt her to see it, but she didn’t want him close. Not yet. Not until she had time to… 

_ Time to what? _

“What’s wrong, luv?” he asked. 

“I can’t right now,” she sighed, unable to think of anything better to say.  

He called after her when she turned and ran back upstairs, but didn’t follow her. Emma knew he would respect her need for space, but how long would it be until he finally gave up? Would he come after her then, or just walk away? 

As much as she wanted to be left alone, it would kill her if he walked away. 

She sat on the bed, unsure of what to do. Logically, she knew she should just go talk to him, but the irrational thoughts echoing in her mind were screaming for her to run. 

Running would be the easiest option, but really, where would she go? Storybrooke was her home. Her entire family was here.  

The thought of family made her heart hurt. Everything she’d ever wanted was right here, even if she didn’t remember. Running away would hurt more than staying, she realized. Uncertainties about Killian aside, she couldn’t leave Henry  _ or  _ the little ones she’d come to adore. 

She looked towards the door when a quiet knock caught her attention. Killian stood there, looking just as confused as she felt. 

“I know you’d like some space, but I was hoping you’d be open to talking.”  

He looked so hurt and hopeful all at the same time. How could she say no? “Yeah,” she said cautiously. “We can talk.” She moved so he could sit next to her on the bed, something he seemed grateful for. 

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked almost as soon as he was seated next to her. “Because I keep trying to figure out what happened and I can’t…” He frowned, taking a moment before speaking again. 

Choosing his words? 

“I just can’t understand what went wrong,” he finished quietly. 

In truth, he  _ hadn’t  _ done anything wrong. He was being the good guy who stuck around to take care of a wife that didn’t even know who he was. They’d had a good night and he was likely hoping for a good morning, but she’d gone and ruined it by overhearing something that wasn’t meant for her. 

And it opened up a can of worms she’d been trying to ignore. 

“Why are you still here?” She asked, then shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant… why are you still with me?” 

“Because I love you, Swan.” 

No hesitation. 

“I’m not-“ 

He stopped her before she could even get the words out. “Don’t tell me you’re not the same person. You  _ are.  _ Memories or not, you’re still Emma Swan, the woman I fell in love with.” 

“You didn’t sign up for any of this,” she reminded him. Was he that adamant about keeping his vows that he’d run himself into the ground trying to care for her?  

“We rarely sign up for the curves life throws at us,” he agreed. “But this? I did sign up for this. I promised to love you for all eternity and that hasn’t changed. That means a little hiccup along the way isn’t going to derail me.” 

Emma smiled at the fact that he thought this was nothing more than a little hiccup. Still… he signed up to love her, not to be her caretaker. “But what if I have problems for the rest of my life? What if I’m never really the same again? You’re really willing to take on that kind of a burden?”  

“It’s not a burden,” he argued. She gave him a pointed look and he sighed. “I’m not saying it’s the easiest thing in the world, but it’s not…  _ you’re not  _ a burden. None of this changes how I feel about you. If the situation were reversed, you would be doing the exact same thing for me. That’s what we do, Emma. We take care of each other because we love each other. Not because we feel obligated, or out of any sort of guilt. It’s because we  _ want  _ to.” 

She  _ wanted  _ to believe him. Maybe she actually did. But that didn’t change the fact that he felt she needed a babysitter. “You told my father you couldn’t leave me alone,” she said. “I know I probably wasn’t supposed to hear that, but I did. I’m just another person to supervise because I apparently can’t take care of myself.“ 

“I have no doubt you can take care of yourself,” he stated. “That isn’t why I don’t want to leave you alone. First off, it’s Whale’s orders that you have someone around. Not because you’re incapable, but if you have an episode and need assistance you’re not going to get very far if you’re on your own. Second… Whale’s orders aside… I almost lost you, luv. If something were to happen to you… I’d never forgive myself. I know it bothers you, and I know you feel as though you’re being managed, but that isn’t the case at all. I don’t want someone to babysit you, I just want to know that you’ve got someone on hand in case you need them.” 

“Oh.” 

Well, that made a lot more sense.  

“I’m sorry I freaked out on you,” she apologized. 

“It’s all right. I know this isn’t easy on you.” He reached for her hand and his smile lit up the room when she laced their fingers together. “You’ll get through this.” 

The unspoken truth?  _ They  _ would get through this. Together.  

Emma had to admit she liked the way that felt. 

“So… does that mean breakfast isn’t off the menu?” She asked, just a little more than slightly embarrassed about practically ruining it. 

Killian leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Breakfast is never off the menu,” he whispered.  

Maybe he was talking about food, but now her mind was wandering somewhere else entirely. Her stomach grumbled, reminding her she’d probably be better off eating first.  

“I’ve just got to finish up the pancakes,” he laughed when her stomach growled again. “Come on, Swan.” 

He got up and tugged her up with him. She gave his hand a little squeeze. “Let’s hope my mom doesn’t decide to crash,” she said with a smirk.  

There was a brief moment where he seemed to hesitate, opening his mouth as if he were going to say something, but just as quickly, he stopped himself and continued on with nothing more than a quiet chuckle.  

She figured if it was important, he would have said something, so she let it drop for the time being.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmastruggles to regain what she lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!

**Chapter Eight**

“Hey, Mom.” Henry set down his messenger bag and sat next to her on the couch.  

“Hey.” She looked over and smiled at him. There was something off about him, though she couldn’t place it and he wasn’t exactly forthcoming with information. “What’s on your mind?” She asked when he didn’t say anything further. 

“I was thinking,” he said slowly, turning to pull something out of the messenger bag. “Maybe we could try something.” He turned back to her, storybook in hand. 

Emma laughed. “I was wondering what happened to that.” 

Henry handed the book over and watched her expectantly. His hopeful smile faded into a look of disappointment. “It didn’t work.” 

“That’s because it’s not a magical problem,” Emma reminded him. 

“Gramps said the gun was enchanted, though,” he sighed. “I was hoping that maybe… you know what? Maybe you should read it. You already believe it, right? Maybe reading it will jog your memory a bit.” 

“Kid…” Didn’t he know she’d already read the thing cover to cover? They had a whole operation centered around the stories in the book. Reading it again- 

“Maybe you should take a look,” he insisted. “It might surprise you.” 

Well… he’d never steered her wrong before. “Anything in particular I should be looking for?”  

He gave her a look that said he wasn’t going to give her all the answers. She could try and weasel it out of him, but figured he had a good reason to keep his mouth shut. Maybe it wasn’t anything in particular she was actually looking for. Maybe all she really needed was to jog her memories.  

“Thanks, kid,” she laughed. 

“No problem,” he stood and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’d stay a little longer, but I’ve really got to get going. Deadlines, you know?” 

“Back for dinner?” she asked. 

“Promise.” 

The room fell silent again after he left. She’d ask Killian why the kids weren’t their usual hyper selves this afternoon, but figured it was probably a better idea to enjoy the quiet for a moment. Thumbing through the pages, she decided it was best to start on her parents’ story.  It was the one she knew the best, but also the one that might hold more answers than others. 

After all, it was part of her story, too. 

“Bit of light reading, luv?” Killian asked as he entered the room. Ivy was asleep on his shoulder and he looked like he was ready for a nap of his own.  

“Just a bit,” she laughed. Light being the understatement of the century. For a second, she wondered if August had gotten his hands on it again. The book felt slightly heavier than she remembered. He’d added to it before, maybe he’d seen fit to do so again? 

Killian sat down next to her, wrapping his free arm around her shoulders when she curled up against him. “The wee ones seem to have worn themselves out after our earlier excursion to the park. You’ve likely got about ten minutes of reading time before they come barrelling back down the stairs.” 

She hummed in response and continued browsing through the pages. Killian didn’t interrupt her, and she felt he was paying more attention to the baby that had started making little noises than to what Emma was reading. 

When the little noises turned into fussing, Killian sighed and excused himself. 

“I can take her,” Emma said when he stood. “I mean, really, you’ve been dealing with all of them ever since we’ve gotten home, so it’s only fair.” 

“She’s probably hungry.” He handed Ivy over to Emma. “Why don’t you two read while I get her something to eat?” 

Ivy calmed a bit and settled in Emma’s lap. Perfect solution. Killian kissed them both, then went to the kitchen.  

Emma couldn’t help but laugh at the little girl who’s fussiness turned into excitement as she flipped the pages of the book. Giving up on actually getting any reading done, she did her best to keep Ivy from tearing the pages, and went along for the ride.  

“Mama!” Ivy proclaimed loudly after a few page flips. Emma looked down at the little girl who was now looking up at her with a big, toothless grin. “Mama!” Ivy said again. 

Up until now, she hadn’t heard anything more than babbling from the baby.  

“Mama!” It was loud and clear. There was no mistaking the word for incoherent babble. 

Was this- 

“Did she just say her first word?” Killian asked as he came tearing into the room.  

“I guess she did,” Emma answered softly. 

_ So she hadn’t missed  _ everything. 

“I knew it would be ‘Mama’,” Killian teased. “She always did like you best.” 

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m sure that’s not true. Is her food ready yet?” 

“Aye,” Killian nodded. He lifted Ivy off of Emma’s lap. “There’s some actual adult food, too, if you’re hungry.” 

“I’ll be there in a minute,” she said as he left the room. She looked down at the book before shutting it and realized why Ivy had suddenly gotten so excited. There on the page was a picture of her in a red ball gown in Killian’s arms.  

_ They looked happy. _

Instead of closing the book, she carried it into the dining room and set it in front of Killian, careful to keep it clear of the mess Ivy was making. He looked at the page and smiled. “Ivy loves that picture,” he commented. 

“Did this really happen?” she asked. From what she gleaned, there was a time portal and an adventure that seemed out of the realm of possibility… even for a town full of fairy tale characters.  

“If it’s in the book, it happened,” he confirmed. 

_ She knew that. _

“Wanna tell me about it?” she asked.  

“Pull up a chair, luv,” he grinned. “I’ve got all the time in the world.” 

*** 

Fulton’s escape hadn’t lasted long at all. Within a couple days David had him back in a holding cell. Reinforced with more of Regina’s magic. 

Still, the boy wasn’t talking.  

“I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve played the damn security footage,” David admitted. Still, he rewound it and he and Killian watched it again.  

The video was grainy at best and the sound was even worse. David had shown him the video for the first time this morning, hoping a second set of eyes would help him find something useful. Killian could understand why he wasn’t shown the footage. In fact, he wished he’d never seen it. 

But he couldn’t look away now. He  _ had  _ to figure this out.  

“Right there,” David paused the tape. “See that?” 

“Aye,” Killian nodded.  

The still showed Fulton facing Emma and his gun…  

“It just doesn’t look like he’s really aiming it at her,” David frowned. “But I can’t be sure.” 

He wasn’t aiming at nothing though, was he? The scene had been scoured thoroughly. There was nothing left suggesting that an accidental shot had ricocheted off of anything, nor was there any real evidence that Fulton had shot her on purpose. 

All they had was a grainy picture and the word of a troubled young man. 

One who still refused to talk. There was enough evidence to put him away for a long time, and he’d kept his mouth shut. Out of shame? Guilt?  

_ Fear? _

What on earth did the lad have to be afraid of? Gold wasn’t going to press charges. It wasn’t like the imp to let things slide, but Fulton had nothing to do with the strange pawn shop burglary. Magic aside, Emma had convinced Gold to install security cameras. They weren’t top of the line, but that particular footage had ruled out Fulton in an instant. He was at least a good foot shorter than the burglar. 

“He’s protecting someone,” Killian decided. “Or something. Perhaps he knows the pawn shop thief, or they were working together and-” 

David shook his head. “I’ve looked down all those avenues. The kid lives in an abandoned warehouse. Alone.” 

The thought made Killian’s heart hurt. He and Emma had done so much to ensure Fulton  _ didn’t  _ end up alone or on the streets. Unfortunately, it seemed to have not been enough. “Bloody hell!” he snapped, kicking the desk in frustration, sending papers flying every which way.  

“I can take another look,” David said calmly, ignoring the mess. “But unless he talks, we’re flying blind here.” 

Begging for a few minutes alone with the punk wasn’t going to do him any good. David wasn’t going to let Killian and his unpredictable temper deal with the kid unsupervised. Killian would be lying if he said he didn’t agree. Even though the kid might talk if he was pummeled enough, they couldn’t just use violence as an answer. 

That, and Killian was pretty sure if left unchecked, he wouldn’t hold back and Fulton wouldn’t survive. 

“Let me talk to him,” Killian pleaded. “You can be right there to keep things under control. Just let me talk to him.” 

David sighed, then nodded his head. “Keep your distance,” he warned as he led Killian out of the office and towards the holding cells.  

Fulton was sitting on the cot, back towards them. He’d been that way when Killian first came in, and it seemed as though he hadn’t moved an inch in the meantime.  

“I told you I didn’t mean to shoot her,” he stated when they came to a stop outside his cell.  

“I believe you,” Killian said, though he still wasn’t sure if he did or not. There were too many unknowns to make any sort of assumptions.  

Fulton turned around and practically jumped towards the cell door, clinging to the bars like a lifeline. “Then why am I still here?” 

“Accident or not, you still shot someone,” Killian reminded him. As frustrating as Fulton’s anger was, there was relief in the fact that he was actually talking. “We can’t help you unless you give a little,” he tried. “The longer you keep your mouth shut, the harder it’s going to be to fix this. Why don’t we start from the beginning? Tell me what happened.” 

Fulton rolled his eyes, stubborn as ever. Just when Killian thought he was going to clam up again, the young man started talking. “I was hungry, okay? I needed some food and cash, so I decided to go get it. They won’t take you seriously if you haven’t got a weapon, so I got my hands on a gun. I never meant to shoot anybody. I just wanted to intimidate them.” 

Stupid, but plausible. It even explained why he ran. Hunger, fear… they could make one do stupid things. Something Killian knew all too well. 

“You have us,” Killian said. “All you had to do was ask, and Emma and I would have helped you out. You  _ know  _ that.” 

Another eye roll. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not a little lost boy anymore. I’m a grown man and I can take care of myself.” 

“Not very well apparently,” Killian scoffed.  

“Oh shut up,” Fulton spat. “You have no idea what it’s like.” 

“I was stuck on that damned island longer than you,” Killian stated.  

“You were a grown man and had a whole crew to do your bidding,” Fulton laughed. “I pretty much had to fend for myself from day one.” 

“I didn’t always have a crew,” Killian growled. “And I wasn’t always a grown man stuck on an island of juvenile delinquents. You may think I’m far too old to remember the hell of my own childhood, but I assure you, lad. I remember it quite clearly. We’re not as different as you may think.” 

“Are we done here?” Fulton growled, moving back to his cot. Whether Killian was done or not, Fulton made it clear that the conversation was over.  

“Fine,” Killian turned to David. “If he’s so damn determined to dig his own grave, I say we stop protecting him and just turn over what we have. We have evidence  _ and  _ a confession that he not only robbed the store, but shot Emma. That’s enough to lock him away for a decent amount of time.” He stormed out of the station, not even waiting to see Fulton’s reaction to his change of heart. 

“Killian!” David ran out after him, stopping him just outside the door.  

“I’m not in the mood, Dave,” he snapped. 

David put a hand on Killian’s shoulder, stopping him from moving any further. “Was that a bluff?” He asked. 

“I don’t bloody know,” Killian sighed. “Did it help at all?” 

David shrugged. “He seems a little shaken, but we might have to wait and let it simmer for a little bit before we know for sure.” 

The thought that his outburst may have helped gave him an idea. “Then continue on with the paperwork. Make it look like we’re moving forward. If he caves and talks, then we can help him, if not, we’ll be ready to move forward with everything.” 

*** 

Emma wasn’t sure what was worse, the injury or the overwhelming amount of trips to the doctor. Granted, she knew it could be worse, but  _ no one  _ wanted to deal with seeing Whale as much as she was seeing him right now. And Killian, damn him, was adamant about making every appointment and even more adamant about rushing in whenever things seemed just a little off. 

As annoyed as she was with having such an attentive husband though, she was also incredibly grateful. He cared enough to do everything possible to make sure she was happy and healthy. He picked up the slack when she couldn’t and was kind and patient when it came to all the problems her injury brought. 

Killian was probably the biggest reason she was actually starting to get better. Her memories hadn’t come back yet, but her headaches were fading. In fact, it had almost been a whole week since her last episode. 

In her mind, that counted as a win. 

Apparently, Whale counted it as a win, too. It meant she got to see him less and moved her just a little bit closer to having a somewhat normal life again.  

“I want to go back to work,” she informed Killian once they were out of the office. 

He didn’t respond, leading her to believe that he was just waiting for them to get into the car where they’d have more privacy. But once they were in the car and buckled in, he still remained silent. She could tell he was mulling it over, but for some reason, he didn’t want to share what he was thinking. 

“You heard Whale,” she tried. “He said I could take on some supervised light duty.” 

It meant working at a desk with the added bonus of having a babysitter, but it was a start.  

Killian sighed and shook his head. “I just don’t feel-“ 

“This isn’t about how  _ you _ feel,” she snapped, instantly regretting how harsh she sounded. “I’m sorry. I know you just want what’s best and that keeping me safe is important to you. I get that, Killian. Believe me when I tell you that I really appreciate it.” 

“It annoys you,” he said with a little smirk. “I can see it in your eyes.” 

“But I do appreciate it,” she assured him. “Even when it annoys me.” 

“You’re right though,” he nodded. “Whale said it would be okay and it really has nothing to do with how I feel about the situation. If you feel like you’re ready to go back to the office then that’s what we’ll do.” 

“We can take it slow,” she said. “A couple hours here and there might help me get back into the swing of things. I’m assuming I’m still the sheriff… unless you held an election I wasn’t aware of?” 

He laughed and shook his head. “You’re still the sheriff. Dave and I have been keeping things running, but when you’re all better we will be more than happy to hand it all back over.” 

“I’m not ready to take all that on yet,” she said. 

“Slow is good,” he agreed. “Perhaps we’ll start next week?” 

“Next week,” she confirmed, glad they were able to come up with something that would work for both of them.  

The rest of the trip was made in silence. There was really nothing more to discuss until her mother came back with the kids. 

Because if she was going back to work, they’d definitely need a babysitter. 

_ Babysitter… now that gave her an idea. _

“Hey!” She exclaimed once they pulled up to the house. “How much longer do you think Mom will keep the kids?” 

“She said she had to start getting her classroom ready for the new school year,” Killian said. “So… she’ll likely drop them off at noon as promised.”  

“That gives us about an hour,” Emma said excitedly. As soon as Killian turned the car off, she couldn’t get out fast enough. 

She could hear Killian following after her, though he seemed more confused than anything else. 

“Be careful!” He called. “You don’t want to- bloody hell!” 

She was sure he was catching on, but could tell he was growing increasingly irritated with her rush to get into the house. 

“You are going to hurt yourself again,” he grumbled when he finally met her on the front porch.  

Emma just held out her hands, silently begging for the keys. 

“I’ve got it.” He rolled his eyes and unlocked the door. “We’ve got an hour-“ 

“How often do we get a whole hour to ourselves?”  

Something she discovered early on was the fact that there was hardly ever a moment just for them. Which she understood. There were cuddles and play time and scraped knees and meals… someone always needed something. All of the kids were eager to monopolize as much of her time as they could. She couldn’t blame them for that. 

Still… a whole hour, and Killian was dragging his feet?  

He eyed her suspiciously. “You’re usually not feeling up to anything after seeing the doctor.” 

That was true, too. Being a human experiment was never a fun time. But today… today she felt good. “How about we don’t question our good fortune and just get started on appreciating it?” 

God. His smile was something else. The way it lit up the room made her insides turn to mush. It was a rare treat to see all the weight lift off his shoulders. She wondered if he smiled more before… 

“Swan?” He tilted his head in question. “Are you all right?”  

“I’m fine,” she said, pushing away the thought while promising herself to do whatever she could to make him smile more. “Just thinking.” 

“About?”  

“How we’re taking entirely too long to get upstairs and undressed,” she stated. It wasn’t a complete lie. They didn’t have much time and it was all being wasted on idle chatter. 

“As you-” 

The sound of the door opening had both of them groaning in annoyance. “Really?” Emma whispered. 

“Hey, you guys are home early,” Henry said happily, completely unaware that he had just squashed any and all plans to continue on upstairs. 

“Aye,” Killian grumbled. 

“Everything okay?” Henry asked. “You both seem a bit on edge.” 

“Just tired,” Emma lied. “And hungry.” 

Killian chuckled at that. 

Then, as though the gods had finally smiled upon them for the first time that day, Henry was hit by a bolt of inspiration. 

“I’ll go grab us some Granny’s,” he offered. “Sound good?” 

“Sounds great, lad,” Killian replied almost too eagerly.  

“We probably have about thirty minutes now,” Emma said once the front door shut. 

“Upstairs?” Killian asked.  

Emma didn’t even bother to answer. Words were taking up too much time. She turned and bolted for the stairs, Killian following right behind her. 

*** 

Patience had never been Emma’s strong suit and so far, her first day back in the office had done nothing but test her at every turn.  

The most glaring trial? 

The absolute mess the office had become.  

Granted, the office she remembered had been left far in the past. Now she had a pretty full staff of deputies and even a prisoner in the holding cell. Of  _ course _ there would be more paperwork. 

She wasn’t allowed to talk to the prisoner. Killian had informed her before she even got out of bed that morning that they were holding the man who’d shot her. He didn’t need to explain further. She was too close to the situation and needed to let David and her deputies do their job.  

Needless to say, Killian seemed relieved when she agreed to stay put in the office. She even shut the blinds so she didn’t have to look at the man -who looked more like a boy- that sometimes haunted her nightmares. The thought made a shiver run up her spine. She couldn’t remember a damn thing from that night, but for some reason, his face was perfectly clear when her subconscious tried to fill in the gaps.  

“You’d think crime ran rampant around here,” Emma grumbled as she sifted through the filing cabinet. Messy as the office was, at least the files were organized. Without much to do, she decided catching up on the past few years might help her get a better idea of… 

Well… the crime rate at least. 

“It really doesn’t,” David said. “Mostly we’re just breaking up bar fights, taking care of petty theft, and throwing Leroy in detox.” 

“So not much has changed then,” Emma laughed. “Got it.” 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t be happier out patrolling with Killian?” David asked. “You’ve always prefered field work to desk work.” 

Emma shrugged and pulled a handful of the most recent files out. “Doctor’s orders. Whale said light duty and the only way Killian and I could agree was if I was sitting behind a desk.” 

David crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “And you just gave in?” When she shot him a dirty look, he backpedaled. “I’m not trying to start an arguement or anything, but it just doesn’t sound like you.” 

“Yeah, well… I haven’t exactly been myself for awhile now,” she shot back, wincing at how harsh she sounded. After offering a quick apology, she continued. “Besides, going out on patrol isn’t what one would consider ‘light duty’. Right now, I’m safer here and much less prone to take off after anyone while I’m buried in paperwork.” 

“Fair enough,” he agreed.  

They both reached for the phone when it rang. In the end, Emma won out. If she was going to be stuck at a desk, then at least she could answer any calls that happened to come in. 

“I’ll be right outside,” David said as he kissed the top of her head. “Holler if you need anything.” 

She gave him a quick nod while she listened to Leroy drone on about one of his disasters. It always seemed to be impending doom with the grumpy dwarf.  _ Yeah… not much had changed at all.  _

After hanging up with Leroy, she made a quick call to Killian, warning him about the “miscreants” Leroy had complained about. From the sound of it, it was just a group of kids enjoying their summer break. So long as they weren’t doing anything illegal, she didn’t see a problem with it.  

Killian’s tone implied he was more annoyed with Leroy than he was with having to deal with the kids.  

The day more or less continued in the boring fashion she expected. Around lunch time, there was a knock at the door. Emma smiled, knowing Killian had promised to bring Granny’s before he took her home.  

“It’s open,” she called, ready to dig in to the grilled cheese she was promised. When Regina walked through the door though, her smile faded and the back of her neck prickled.  _ What the hell was she doing here? _

“I come in peace,” Regina swore.  

_ Right. Because she’s changed,  _ Emma reminded herself. Even her parents were on friendly terms with the… former? … Evil Queen. And if Henry was adamant that both she and Regina worked together to raise him, well… then that was something she had to take into consideration. 

“What seems to be the problem?” Emma asked, assuming that Regina needed some sort of assistance. Why else would she come into the Sheriff’s office? Apparently, terrorizing citizens wasn’t her thing anymore. 

“There isn’t a problem,” Regina stated. “Not one that I need any help with anyway.” She gave Emma a pointed look and sighed when all she got was a scowl in return. “I’m here to see if I can help you.” 

“I’m fine.” 

Regina rolled her eyes and ignored the comment completely. “I’m not sure how much you’ve been told about the shooting-“ 

“It’s the kid in the holding cell and the gun was enchanted,” Emma cut her off. “My husband doesn’t keep secrets from me. Now what the hell do you want?” She wasn’t trying to be difficult, but being alone in a room with Regina was setting off all sorts of alarms.  

“Swan?” Killian poked his head in next and the smell of Granny’s filled the office. He nodded a ‘hello’ to Regina, then pulled up a chair next to Emma. “Are we playing nice, ladies?” He teased. 

Emma gave him a dirty look and the smirk on his face disappeared in an instant. “Is my dad still out there?” 

“Dammit, Emma,” Regina snapped. “I didn’t do anything to your father. In fact, he’s the one that sent me in here.” 

Killian confirmed that David was, indeed, just fine. 

Regina didn’t hide the fact that she was irritated. “I don’t understand how you can trust Captain Hook, no questions asked, but when it comes to me, you just assume the worst.”  

“I don't know,” Emma snarked. “Maybe because the last thing I remember is you trying to kill me?” Killian had told her that even  _ they _ had gotten off on the wrong foot, but she didn’t recall any of that. Her feud with Regina however, was still fresh in her mind.  

She could feel Killian taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. His eyes were on her, though she wasn’t sure if he was trying to convey some silent message or just comfort her. Finally, he cleared his throat and she looked over at him.  

“What?” She asked, knowing that she was being deliberately antagonistic, but couldn’t help it. She felt cornered. 

“Perhaps we could just hear Regina out,” he suggested.  

Emma didn’t  _ want  _ to hear Regina out. But she found the pleading look in his eyes impossible to resist. “Fine.” 

_ Didn’t mean she had to like it. _

“Since the gun was enchanted,” Regina continued, “maybe a spell or a potion can help with Emma’s memory problem. I’ve been looking through my books-“ 

“No,” Emma stated. Maybe everyone else in town trusted her, but Emma was still wary. “You really want me to just take whatever potions you throw at me,  no questions asked?” 

Killian sighed. “Emma-“ 

“Don’t Emma me!” She snapped, whisking her hand away from him. “This isn’t a magical problem and I’d rather not create  _ more  _ problems by involving it.” 

Before either of them could stop her, she stood and stomped towards the door, announcing that she needed some air. 

David didn’t stop her as she made her way through the main office and out the door, but she could hear Killian chasing after her. 

“I’m not leaving,” she said after the door shut behind him. “I just needed to get out of the office. You don’t have to supervise me-“ 

“Emma.” His tone was stern and she quieted instantly. “I’m not here to supervise you. I’m here to make sure you’re all right. I wasn’t aware Regina would be showing up and I understand you’re still uneasy when it comes to her.” 

“So why were you agreeing with everything she said?” She accused, even though she knew deep down, that wasn’t the case.  

“Believe it or not, she really  _ does  _ just want to help you. But that doesn’t mean I agree with everything she says. I just wanted to keep things from escalating too much.” He paused for a moment and chuckled. “I suppose I failed in that regard.” 

“It’s my fault,” she sighed. “I can’t help it though. The last thing I remember was that Regina was trying to kill me. That she almost killed Henry. That she’s held this whole damn town under her thumb and terrorized the citizens for decades. You say we’ve somehow managed to become friends, but I really don’t see how.” 

“People change,” he reasoned. “But I can understand that you’ve lost the memories of all the change… of all the things you’ve been through since you broke that first curse.” 

“First?” 

“A discussion for another time,” he decided. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.  

Emma didn’t hesitate to relax against him. 

“I want to remember you. Remember  _ us _ . Everything. I want it all back. But I don’t think magic is the right answer.” She tilted her head to look up at him and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m happy right now though. Even though I had to start all over, I’m happy right where I am. With you, the kids, my family. I hope you know that.” 

Maybe there was something more, but she wasn’t quite ready to say it yet. 

“That’s all I want for you, Emma,” he said.  

_ That _ she could believe.  

She was pretty sure he was going to kiss her right there in front of the station, but the door swung open before he had the chance.  

“Sorry,” David apologized. “Look, I’m gonna borrow Regina for a bit, so maybe you two could take lunch to go?” 

He held up the bag from Granny’s and smiled.  

Killian seemed just as relieved to get out of dodge as she felt. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!

“For the record,” Snow stated. “I told Regina to let Emma come to her when she was ready.” 

Killian looked over to where Emma was pushing Charlie on the swings. She’d calmed down about the whole Regina incident quickly, but he knew it was still on the back of her mind. The children were a welcome distraction. As soon as Snow brought them back home, Emma insisted they all go to the park. 

He loved seeing her so happy. 

He wished she would have at least given Regina’s offer consideration. 

“We’ll get there,” he said. “Eventually. Whether she remembers or not.” She couldn’t hate Regina forever. They’d gotten past their differences once, it could happen again. 

“Papa!” Hope shouted. “Lookit me!”  

“Me too, Papa!” Leia chimed in.  

“Looks like two little girls are about to play a game of chicken on the monkey bars,” Snow laughed. 

“Bloody hell, watch Ivy?”  

Snow agreed, and he was slightly jealous. Ivy was sleeping the afternoon away in her stroller and he was chasing down two little daredevils. “Let’s not,” he said, grabbing hold of Hope before she could kick at her sister. He pulled them both down from the bars. “Remember last time?” he asked. “When Hope hit her head?”  

There were enough head injuries going on at the moment. He didn’t need a little one with a concussion.  

“Why don’t we go swing with Mama and Charlie?” he suggested when the girls looked as though someone had kicked their puppy. Once again excited to play, they rushed over to the swings. Emma had stopped pushing Charlie, opting instead to sit with him on the swing. Killian sat in the swing next to her. “Mind if we join you two?” 

Leia sat next to Emma, and Hope next to Killian. Charlie squirmed down and ran over to Snow. “I guess he’s done,” Emma shrugged. 

Neither of the girls were paying any attention them. They were too busy seeing how high they could make their swings go. Emma looked… distracted. 

“What’s on your mind, luv?” He used his hook to pull her swing closer, making her laugh when he gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Talk to me.” 

She waited for him to set her swing back, then looked at her feet as she made patterns in the sand. “Do you really think Regina can fix me?” 

He wasn’t really sure how to answer that. When Emma was in the hospital, Regina was afraid of magic making things worse. Then, he could understand it. There was no way of knowing what exactly needed healing with Emma in a coma. But now? It wasn’t a magical problem, but they knew exactly what was wrong. What harm could a little bit of magic do? “I think that if anyone can make it work…” he stopped himself. Yes, Regina was talented enough to figure it out. But at one time, Emma’s magic was even more powerful than the former Evil Queen.  

Currently, Emma seemed surprised and even a little scared at the idea that she possessed any kind of magical abilities. 

“I think that if it’s within the realm of possibility, Regina can make it work.” 

“Not saying yes,” she reminded him. “But… I’ll think about it. I really don’t want to make things worse.” 

“Understandable,” he nodded. “You’ve got my support, whatever you decide.”  

She thanked him, but then fell silent. He didn’t push, knowing that whatever it was that was bothering her, she wasn’t ready to share.  

“Tell me about our wedding,” she said.  

The abrupt change of subject caught him off guard. She’d been asking more and more about their lives together before the accident. Usually, it would be long after the children were asleep. They would be snuggled up on the couch in quiet conversation, and she would ask. 

As much as he longed to tell her all about their wedding, he could see this for what it was. 

Avoidance. 

“I’d much rather talk about that later,” he said softly. “When I can pull out the pictures and show you everything.”  

Emma nodded. “We can do that. But… maybe we can also just drop the current subject? I don’t really want to think about it anymore.” 

“As you wish.” 

* * *

As unsure as Emma was about Regina, she knew working with her would be more helpful than avoiding her. They met at Emma’s house rather than Regina’s vault. It made her a bit more comfortable knowing that Killian was there too. Not that he had any sort of magical ability should things go horribly wrong, but having him around still managed to ease her worries.

Snow had taken the kids, stating that their particular brand of rowdiness was probably not best for the amount of magical items Regina had brought over. 

Emma found she missed the chaos. 

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Regina snapped. 

Emma shook her head. “Sorry,” she muttered an apology. “I zoned out.” 

Regina rolled her eyes, then practically shoved the book she was looking at in Emma’s face. “Take a look at this,” she instructed. “We can probably work with whatever residual magic the gunshot left behind to come up with a potion to help you regain your memories.” 

“Are you sure this isn’t just making things worse?” she asked. When she finally gave in and agreed to let Regina try a few magical solutions, she had no idea she was going to be turned into some sort of test subject. Three spells and two potions later, and she was starting to worry about her future well-being. When Regina shot her a dirty look, Emma sighed. “I’m not doubting your ability. I’m just saying that we’ve been at this for hours and nothing’s changed.” 

“We just haven’t found the right spell,” Regina stated. “And this is probably safer than those pills you’re taking. You can’t overdose on magic.” 

“Somehow, I don’t think I believe that,” Emma said skeptically. Even if they weren’t using dark magic, too much of a good thing was never great.  

Unfortunately, Regina didn’t seem to appreciate the caution. “Do you want to fix this or not?”  

“All right. Enough.” Killian stepped into the room, apparently after hearing enough to irritate him. “Regina-” 

She didn’t give him a chance to say anything. “I’m just trying to help!” she argued. 

“I understand,” Killian nodded. “And we appreciate it. But I can tell that Emma probably needs a break, and I’d rather step in now than let any of this escalate.” 

“She can speak for herself,” Regina shot back.  

“He’s right,” Emma spoke up. “We’re not going to get anywhere if we’re bickering back and forth. We’ve been at this almost all day and the only thing it’s given me is a headache. Maybe we can just try again in the morning.” 

Defeated, Regina began packing her things. “You’d think you’d be eager to get your memories back,” she mumbled. 

The statement hurt.  _ Of course  _ she wanted her memories back. To imply that she didn’t just wasn’t fair. Still, even without her memories, she had been able to build something with her family. They may have had to start from scratch, but they’d grown so much closer over the past few weeks.  

Plus, they were making so many new memories. Even though she might not ever get the past back, the here and now was pretty great. 

"Why don't you look into it some more," Killian suggested. "Then, like Emma said, we can pick it up again in the morning." 

"Fine," Regina agreed. "I'll see you in the morning." 

"Thanks," Emma said. "I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but I really do appreciate your help." She meant it, too. Even with her reluctance, Regina dropped everything to come over and help out. That counted for something.  

_ Maybe Killian wasn't exaggerating about the friendship thing. _

Regina didn't seem to want to make small talk. She continued to pack in silence, and then once she had her things in order, she saw herself out with little more than a "goodbye." 

"She's hurting," Killian reminded her. "Don't judge her actions too harshly." 

Emma could understand that, but did it really excuse everything? Killian raised an eyebrow, as if he knew exactly what she was thinking. "Okay," she gave in. "I don't want to argue about it. I have a little headache, so maybe I can just take a quick nap before the kids get back?" 

"All right, luv," he laughed. "Mind if I join you?"  

"Come on," she laughed. She took his hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom. If she wasn't so exhausted, she might have had other ideas, but almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, she started dozing off. The last thing she felt before falling asleep was Killian snuggling up next to her and wrapping an arm around her waist. 

* * *

After being at it for almost a week, Regina was still stumped when it came to fixing Emma's memory problem. However, she managed to use the enchantment on the gun to their advantage.

"We can follow the trail," Regina explained. "I'm not sure if it'll lead us to a person, but maybe it'll point us in the right direction.  _ Someone _ stole the gun. Someone made sure it wound up in Fulton's hands. We already know what he was trying to accomplish, but if we can figure out how he got it in the first place we'll know whether or not he's telling the truth about working alone." 

Emma looked over at Killian, who nodded. "We've already got him for the robbery," he confirmed. "And for shooting Emma. But if there's a bigger problem, this can help unravel it." 

“I’ll take Regina,” David offered. “Maybe you and Killian can hold down the fort while we’re gone?” 

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it, Dad,” she sighed. “I know I have to stay here, and Killian knows he’s on babysitting duty.” There wasn’t really much to hold down. Regina’s magic had ensured Fulton would stay put and other than David’s little side project, there wasn’t much by way of crime. 

_ What happened to all the villains that used to run rampant?  _

“Emma-” 

“It’s okay,” she laughed. “I get it. Go hunt down your clues.” 

Boring as it was in the office, she didn’t mind. There were things she needed to discuss with Killian regarding their guest in the holding cell. She shut the office door as soon as David and Regina left. 

“Swan?” Killian eyed her curiously as she took a seat at her desk. “Are you all right?” 

“What’s going to happen to him?” She nodded towards the main office.  

She could tell that he was reluctant to answer by the way he signed and looked towards the ground. “I suppose it’s up to the court to decide.” 

“This is a town that doesn’t even exist,” she reasoned. Surely they could help the kid without causing a stir. 

“It’s not so simple anymore,” he admitted. “When the curse broke, whatever was hiding us from the rest of the world was lifted.” 

“Huh.” That was new. “You care about him,” she said, realizing that maybe at one point, she did too. 

“Aye,” he nodded, but offered no other explanation. She didn’t want to ask. “David says we’re too close-” 

“I know how it works, Killian,” she sighed. One look at how his face fell sparked the feeling of guilt. “I didn’t mean to cut you off. I’m sorry. It’s just frustrating, I guess. You obviously want to help him and it doesn’t seem like we’ll be able to.” 

“To be fair, he  _ did _ shoot you,” Killian reasoned. “And we’ve offered him help on multiple occasions. If he truly wanted to be saved…” his voice trailed off as he turned away from her. She knew that he was trying to convince himself and not her. 

“You didn’t fail,” she said softly. “ _ We _ didn’t fail. I’m sure we did everything we could for him. If he didn’t want help, then nothing we could have done would have made any difference.” 

“No one’s a lost cause.” 

She stood and walked over to him. When he didn’t turn to look at her, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his back. “You did your best,” she whispered. “Some people just need to learn things the hard way. We’ll just have to make sure this doesn’t ruin him.” 

“How could it not ruin him?” Killian asked, sounding more defeated than ever. 

That was a harder question to answer. Emma could get away with not pressing charges, but the shop owner had apparently been adamant about pursuing all he could. Fulton’s record was something she’d taken a quick look at. It wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t overly terrible. “If he would cooperate, it would be a lot easier to help him. But I feel like he’s hiding something.”  

When Killian first told her about their struggles with Fulton, the fact that the young man was so tight lipped gave her pause. If it was a simple screw up, where he crossed the line a little too far, why wouldn’t he just talk and let David work with him?  

Killian seemed to understand where she was going. “He’s more afraid of whoever is pulling the strings than he is of prison.” 

“Or maybe…” she thought for a moment. “What if he can’t talk? What if there’s more than an enchanted gun that we’re dealing with?” 

“You think the lad is under some sort of spell?” he asked.  

“Would it really be the first time something like that’s happened in this town?” she laughed. “I mean, this whole place exists because of a curse.” 

He turned and wrapped his arms around her. “I’ll bring it up when they return.” 

She stood on her toes so she could give him a quick little kiss. The tension he was carrying didn’t disappear completely, but it managed to fade just a bit. For now, that was good enough. She hated seeing him so upset. 

“There was something else I wanted to ask you about.” She could feel him tensing up again. “No… nothing bad.”  

“What is it, luv?” he asked. 

Emma reluctantly pulled away so she could lead him back to the desk. Once he sat in the chair, she hopped up on the desk. Killian eyed her suspiciously, making her burst out into laughter. “I said it was nothing bad. Why are you so worried?” 

“Just spit it out, Swan,” he growled, though there was no bite to it. When she rolled her eyes, he smirked at her. 

“I might not get my memories back,” she said. It was something they’d both mentioned on several occasions, something that was always at the back of her mind.  

Something that hurt him deeply. 

“Aye.” He looked at the ground, playfulness now forgotten. 

There were so many things she wanted to tell him, but something still held her back. “Hey,” she said. “Look at me, Killian.” She didn’t say any more until he did as she asked. It killed her to see the pain in his eyes. A pain she hoped to put an end to. “I was just thinking… there’s a lot I’ve forgotten, but there’s a lot of new memories that are pretty great.” 

That seemed to cheer him up slightly. “Go on…” he urged. 

“Maybe we could… I don’t know… find a way to commemorate this new beginning.” She cringed at the words. They weren’t what she wanted to say. Not really. But the words that begged to come out still hid behind a wall she refused to let down. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… maybe we could get married?” 

“Again?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I mean, I don’t remember the first one, so why not? Maybe not as big as the first one though.” While the pictures he’d shown her were lovely, she wasn’t quite ready to invite the whole town all over again. “Just you, me, and the kids on the Jolly Roger. I mean… my parents too. And whoever we decide to have officiate.” 

Killian’s smile was so bright, she thought it might blind her and anyone else within a ten mile radius. “Are you proposing, Swan?” 

“If that’s what you want to call it,” she laughed. 

“Then, I happily accept,” he agreed. “On one condition. We don’t tell your parents until the last minute.” 

“Why not?”  

“They’ll turn it into the wedding of the century.” 

“I think the terms are agreeable,” she said with a smile. “Maybe we shouldn’t tell the kids too soon either. They’ll probably blab.” 

* * *

“Emma,” Killian nudged his still sleeping wife. He chuckled when she grumbled and snuggled deeper under the covers. “Sweetheart, time to wake up. Your mother will be here shortly and you know the children will come running straight upstairs.”  

She mumbled something he wasn’t able to catch, then gave him a shove when he tried to remove the blankets from her. 

“I’m certain you’d like to put some clothes on at least,” he said. “Being bombarded in this state of undress wouldn’t be in anyone’s best interest.” 

“Fine,” she groaned. “Do I at least have time for a shower?”  

“Aye,” he laughed. “And I’ve got the coffee started downstairs. How’s your head?” 

“Doesn’t hurt,” she confirmed.  

“Good,” he nodded. “I’ll leave you to it then.” He walked away, knowing that if he stayed, he’d wind up right back in bed with her. 

“Wait!” she sat up suddenly. 

Killian turned around, and it took every ounce of willpower not to run back to his barely covered wife. 

“You’re not staying?” she asked. “I mean… there’s a perfectly good shower we could share.” 

_ God, how he wanted to share the shower with her.  _ “As much as I’d love to, darling, I’ve already showered and dressed. Plus, one of us needs to go see to breakfast. I do believe we promised to have it ready by the time your parents arrived.” 

She groaned and fell back on the bed. “Wake me up when they get here.” 

“Suit yourself, luv,” he shrugged as he turned to leave again. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”He laughed quietly to himself when he heard her finally get up and start shuffling around.  

Breakfast was nearly ready by the time she made her way downstairs. “Why didn’t we barter for a later time?” she complained. “I wanted to sleep in.” 

Killian chuckled when she slipped an arm around his waist and rested her head against him. “You would sleep all day if you could,” he teased. 

She tensed, though he couldn’t understand why. 

“Emma?” 

“I’m trying not to sleep so much,” she explained. “But between the exhaustion and the headaches-” 

“That isn’t what I meant at all,” he interrupted. He wrapped his arm around her and gave a tight squeeze. “Apologies, luv. I was simply teasing you about your normal sleeping habits.”  

“I normally sleep the day away?” she asked. The tension seemed to fade slightly as she looked up at him, brow raised in disbelief. “I mean, I know I’m not a morning person, but that seems a bit much… even for me.” 

He let out a loud laugh. “Pre-children? You’d be up at a relatively decent hour. After? Let’s just say that any time they go to your parents’ house, it takes copious amounts of bribery to get you to open your eyes at all.” 

Emma grinned and stood on her toes, giving him a quick kiss. “Bribery like that?” 

“Aye.” He leaned down to kiss her again, only to be interrupted by the front door swinging open. 

“Really?” Emma grumbled quietly. “Who gave them a key?” 

Just as he was about to inform her about the key in question, the house filled with sounds of children stampeding into the kitchen. 

“Mama!” Charlie reached Emma first and hugged her legs until she picked him up. 

Killian couldn’t help but notice the change in his wife. There was still a part of her that kept her walls a mile high, but in moments like these, where it was just the two of them, or when she had the children with her… it was almost as if she’d come back. Like nothing had ever changed.  

Knowing her memories might be gone forever made moments like these bittersweet. A glimpse of something that he cherished, but couldn’t hold onto.  

“You okay?” Emma asked quietly. “You kind of blanked for a minute there.” 

“I’m fine, luv,” he assured her as he took Ivy from David.  

She didn’t seem to believe him, but dropped it. “Why don’t we get these guys fed?” she suggested.  

“Maybe we can talk afterwards?” David asked. The look he gave them indicated he didn’t want to say too much in front of the kids. 

Perhaps he had some news about Fulton? 

“Sounds great, Dad,” Emma nodded.  

Killian smiled. They had some news of their own. He almost hated keeping it a secret. After all they’d been through over the past couple months, a wedding would be a welcome change of pace. Emma had yet to say the three words he longed to hear, but she wanted to marry him. He hoped that meant something. 

Because to him it meant everything. 

* * *

Emma couldn’t explain the feeling that was bubbling up inside her. Everything about this seemed right. Her parents and brother, kids… her husband… all gathered up at the table eating breakfast like it was a tradition they’d carried on for years.

Maybe it was.  

_ God, she wished she could remember. _

For the first time in a long time though, the urge to run was gone.  

“How’s work going?” Snow asked suddenly. All the attention turned to Emma as they waited for an answer.  

It was something she and Killian had discussed, but mostly they kept it between them. She was bored, but complaining about it wasn’t going to change anything. “Whale thinks I can take longer days if I’m up for it,” she said. “But my episodes are still too unpredictable for me to work alone or in the field.” 

“Other than that?” David asked. He sounded almost hurt by the fact that this was the first time he’d heard any of this.  

Emma shrugged. “I’m not sure… I mean… it’s desk work, and I really hate desk work.” 

Killian laughed at that. “Well, know that we appreciate it, luv.” 

“Ha. Ha.” She rolled her eyes and elbowed him gently in the side.  

“So, that’s a ‘no’ to extra hours then?” David teased. 

“One day at a time,” she said. 

“Mama!” Ivy shouted, bringing the conversation to a halt. She smacked her hands down on her tray and held her mouth open. 

“Ivy hungy,” Charlie giggled. 

“And apparently she’s learned a new word,” Snow commented. 

Emma nodded as she fed the demanding baby. “She shouts it every chance she gets.” Ivy made a discontent noise when the apple sauce didn’t come fast enough. 

“Why don’t you let me feed her?” Killian suggested.  

“It’s no trouble,” she insisted. “I’ve got it.” Before he could comment on the fact that she’d hardly touched her own food, she stopped him. “Really. I want to. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to get a few bites of my own in before breakfast goes cold.” 

She’d already missed everything with Henry, who was now a young man. Her second chance had been taken away from her with a gunshot, and now, she’d missed everything all over again. Ever since, she’d been doing all she could to recreate the obviously strong bonds she had with her family.  

But the firsts were mostly gone. 

The least she could do was get a few memories with Ivy’s firsts. It wouldn’t be the same as having everything she’d lost, but it would be something. If that meant cold breakfast so she could spend a little extra time with the baby, then so be it.  

Killian didn’t argue. Instead, he went silent until all the children finished their meals and ran off to play. “You wanted to talk to us?” he asked David once the coast was clear. 

“I just wanted to let you know that we’ve done all we could,” David sighed. “Unfortunately, the shop owner is still adamant about pressing charges and Fulton isn’t talking. If he’s under anyone’s thumb, he isn’t letting on. I can’t hold out anymore.” 

“You’re just going to let him take the fall?” Emma asked as she lifted Ivy out of the high chair. She knew she should be more adamant about justice, but with all Killian had told her about the kid, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for the circumstances. “You said yourself that he didn’t mean to shoot me. That if he had any intention of harming me, I wouldn’t be here right now. I know what he did was wrong, and it was stupid, but…” 

“He had our help,” Killian said. There was a reluctance in his voice, but he was firm in his answer. “We’ve always been there for him, Swan. All he had to do was come to us and he never would have gone without. He chose his path and now he has to face the consequences.” 

“Fulton has had multiple chances in the past,” David confirmed. “And we gave him plenty of opportunities to talk. Since he’s choosing to be stubborn, we have to go with the evidence that’s available.” 

It was fair, and she knew it. If Fulton chose to ignore all the assistance he’d been offered, then they couldn’t force him. They had to do what was right, and that meant… 

“He’s going to lose his entire life over one dumb mistake,” Emma commented. 

“Maybe not,” David said. “He’s got a lawyer. While I think that’s part of his problem when it comes to talking, I know the guy is trying his best to get him a good plea deal.” 

That was something at least. Until then, it did no good to worry about it. “I should get this messy little goober cleaned up.” She gave Ivy a little pinch to the side, causing the baby to erupt into a fit of giggles. It was a welcome distraction. If everyone else wanted to carry on the conversation, they could do so without her.  

She made her way into the bathroom and started up a bath for Ivy. The sounds from the dining room were drowned out by the running water and Ivy’s happy noises. Emma set up the baby’s seat and did one last temperature check before setting the little girl in the bath.  

“Emma?”  

She turned her head to find Snow standing in the doorway, looking just a bit uncertain about whether or not she should be there. 

“It’s okay, Mom,” Emma assured her. “You can come in. What’s up?” 

Snow sat on the little stool the kids used to reach the sink. “We didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“Oh…” Emma shook her head. “I’m not upset with anyone. I was just a little overwhelmed and figured that Dad probably had more to say.”  

“You know, we really haven’t had much of a chance to talk lately,” she said. “I know you said the other day that nothing’s come back, but other than that… everything seems to be okay. How are you doing? Do you need anything-” 

“I’m fine,” Emma said. “Better than fine, really…” She hated the fact that she’d somehow lost her best friend. Before Snow White was her mother, Mary Margaret was her best friend and roommate. They talked about everything. Now? Now the circumstances had changed. You weren’t  _ supposed  _ to tell your mother everything. 

Though Emma desperately wanted to. She missed having someone to really confide in. Granted, she felt comfortable with Killian, and they talked about plenty, but it still wasn’t the same. 

She missed her friend.  

Emma took in a deep breath and silently prayed that Killian would forgive her. They’d agreed to keep the wedding talk quiet until it was time, but keeping it from her mother… her best friend… seemed wrong. 

Besides, what was the harm? They already had everything planned out. Even if her parents wanted to get involved, there wasn’t much left to do. 

“Killian and I are getting married,” she said. “Well… remarried… or... “ She frowned as she thought about it a moment. “Is it a vow renewal if one of us doesn’t remember the first wedding?” 

Snow looked like she might scream with delight, so Emma quietly informed her that it was supposed to be a secret.  

Somehow… she got the feeling secrets weren’t really her mother’s thing. But, Snow motioned that her lips were sealed.  

“I won’t say a word until you’re ready,” she assured her. Just when Emma thought that was the end of it, the excitement returned. “Oh, Emma. I knew you’d fall in love with him again!”  

Her words came out in a hushed whisper, but she may as well have shouted them. The statement took Emma by surprise. Sure, she and Killian had grown closer. She enjoyed her life with him. 

Hell, she’d even been the one to propose. 

But she still hadn’t said the three words she knew he longed to hear.  

“I think it’s time to get Miss Ivy out of the tub before she gets pruney,” Emma said, quickly changing the subject and distracting herself with the baby. 

“You do love him, don’t you?” Snow asked. 

“It’s not that,” Emma mumbled. It wasn’t really. She cared for him, and yes, despite the fact that she didn’t want to admit it to herself, she probably loved him. Thinking and probably were scary enough on their own. Saying it out loud? “It’s complicated.” 

She squeezed by her mother and made her way towards the nursery, fully aware that she was being followed. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She moved about the nursery, getting a clean diaper and some new clothes for the baby when she heard the door shut. Snow practically had her trapped now.  

“Your walls-” 

Emma stopped her before she could finish the statement. “I know all about my walls, Mom. And we’ve had this talk before. Look… I’m here, aren’t I? I could have run. I  _ wanted  _ to run. But I didn’t. I stuck it out, and… I let him in. I let a lot of people in. That’s something, isn’t it?” 

“So… why are you marrying him if you can’t even tell him how you feel?” Snow asked. 

“Because I want to.” She felt like a petulant child on the receiving end of a lecture. “I’m not asking you to understand. I just want you to be happy for me.” 

Snow shook her head and sighed. “It’s not fair, you know. To him.” She nodded towards Ivy. “To the kids. I know actions say a lot, but they need to know that you love them, Emma.” 

“I  _ really  _ don’t want to talk about this right now,” she insisted. There was a lump forming in her throat, and now, Ivy was getting upset at the sudden tension in the room. “Can we just let it go for now?” 

A knock sounded at the door and Emma couldn’t have been more grateful. “Swan?” Killian called out. “Is everything all right?” 

“Yeah,” she answered, not giving Snow a chance to protest. “Come on in.” When her mother gave her a dirty look, she only shrugged in response.  

The door opened, forcing Snow to move from her post, and Killian poked his head inside. “Dave wanted to get going,” he informed them. “Said he had some things at the station he had to finish up.” 

“We can give you a ride home later if you’d rather hang out,” Emma offered. She didn’t want to give the impression that she was angry, or in any way wanted her mother to leave.  

“It’s okay, Emma,” Snow said. “I have a few things I need to get done around the house. We’ll talk later.” She gave Emma a quick hug, then left the room.  

Snow didn’t seem upset, but Emma couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d driven a wedge somehow. 

“Swan?” Killian asked. It was then she realized there were tears running down her cheeks.  

“Just… give me a minute,” she said weakly. 

He nodded, then followed after Snow to see her and David out.  

Emma felt like a coward. Killian would likely make a good excuse for her, and her parents would accept it. But it would be a lie. She wasn’t going downstairs because she was nothing but a coward. Too afraid to face- 

“Mama?” Charlie asked as he toddled into the room. He had a big toothy grin on his face and seemingly didn’t take notice of Emma’s dilemma.  

“Hey kid.” She swiped at the remaining tears, then lifted a now clean and dressed Ivy off the changing table. She sat down on the floor and Ivy immediately squirmed out of her hold and crawled towards her giant bear, while Charlie climbed into Emma’s lap. 

“Yuv you, mama,” he said, giving her a messy kiss on the cheek.  

“I love you too,” she said softly, almost as if she were trying the words on for size. Charlie hugged her tightly, gave her another kiss, then scrambled off to play with Ivy. 

If she thought her heart was full before, it was nothing compared to how it felt now. She loved them.  _ All of them.  _

“What happened?” Killian reappeared, startling her a bit. “Apologies. I didn’t mean to frighten you, luv.”  

“I told my mom about the wedding,” she admitted. 

“Thought so,” he chuckled. “Explains why she was going on about taking you shopping later this week.” 

Emma furrowed her brow and tilted her head in confusion. “So… she wasn’t upset?” 

Killian sat down beside her and took her hand in his. “I could sense the tension when I walked into the room, but your mother made no mention of a conflict. Was there something you wanted to talk about?”  

_ Yes. No. Maybe… _

_ God she should tell him.  _

Instead, she shrugged. Telling Charlie -or any of the kids- that she loved them was one thing. Their love was innocent, sweet, and purely unconditional. 

Killian was different, and she wasn’t sure she was ready.  

_ Maybe her mother was right.  _ Why were they rushing the wedding? Why was she so adamant when she couldn’t even admit how she felt?  

“Are we rushing things?” She asked, wincing when she saw the defeat in his eyes. “Please don’t misunderstand. I  _ want  _ to marry you. I’m happy here, I want to be here. I want for us to keep building this life we have. I…” she paused and gave his hand a squeeze. “I just… are we trying to push something that-“ 

“Neither of us are really ready for?” He suggested. 

“Neither of us?” She raised an eyebrow. “You remember everything. I’m the one who is making a big deal out of it. It’s new for me, but you’ve already been married to me for years.” She groaned inwardly, realizing how dumb she sounded. 

“It’s still a new beginning for both of us,” he said. “And if you’re not ready, Emma, we can wait.” 

“Let’s not call everything off just yet,” she said. “We’ve still got time to figure things out.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma wants to move forward, but as always, the road isn't easy.
> 
> As always: Thank you to my beta @icecubelotr44 for helping me bring this little plot to life, and thank you to @downeystarkjr for the art you’ll be seeing in the coming weeks!

**Chapter Ten**

“No Emma today?” David asked when Killian entered the station.  

“Not today, mate,” Killian answered. “Her head was giving her some troubles this morning. Belle came over to help her with the wee ones,” he added, so as not to worry David any further.  

“I thought she was doing better,” he frowned. “Maybe you should take her back in to see Whale.” 

Killian shook his head. “She’s doing much better. Her headaches are few and far between at this point. We have an appointment with Whale later in the week, but he’s been optimistic about her recovery. Don’t worry, Dave. If things look like they’re going to get bad again, I’ll take her in straight away, but we were assured that this is all normal right now.” 

David didn’t seem convinced, but dropped the subject. Killian was grateful for that. There were other things he’d much rather discuss with his father-in-law. 

“So,” David smiled. “I hear there’s a wedding coming up.”’ 

_ That was not one of those things.  _

“Snow?” Killian asked. 

“You know she can’t keep a secret,” David confirmed.  

“Emma wanted to talk to her mother about it,” he sighed. “I can’t fault her for that.” 

“Do you think she’s having doubts?” David asked.  

Killian shrugged in response. He wasn’t quite sure  _ what  _ Emma was thinking. One minute, she was full speed ahead, and the next, she was questioning her every move. “I suppose I’m just a bit unsure of her reasoning,” he said. As happy as he was to know Emma wanted to be with him, he couldn’t help but question why. 

“She loves you,” David stated. 

“Does she though?” He asked. “Does she want to marry me because she loves me, or is it because it’s all she knows? I don’t want to force her into something she’ll regret.” 

“Well...” David sighed. “One, you’re already married, so it’s not like a second wedding is going to change anything really. Two, what does Emma have to say about all of this?” 

“She says she’s happy,” he replied. But that wasn’t the problem. Being happy and being in love weren’t always the same thing. “I know we’re dealing with Emma’s walls here, but… I can’t help but wonder why she wants to marry me if she can’t even tell me she loves me.” 

It hurt, especially with the way she’d recoiled the one time he’d told her how he felt. It hurt even more when he overheard her responding to the children's’ sentiments with “I love yous” of her own. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her after all the progress they’d made, but he needed to know what she was thinking.  

“I don’t have the answer to that, Killian.”  

Not that he expected  _ anyone  _ to have that answer.  

“I guess if you really want to know, you’ll have to take the risk and ask her yourself.”  

He nodded, knowing full well that David was right. He could risk pushing Emma away for good, but what was the point of making a show of their love if she wasn’t in love with him? 

“I’m sure everything will be okay,” David supplied. “And… I think we can all thank you for bringing her back to us.” 

“What do you mean?” He asked. 

“I mean… she didn’t want to have anything to do with us when she first woke up. It’s almost like she had gone right back to the point in time where she’d just broken the curse, and…” he hesitated for a moment, then sighed. “It’s just… in her mind, she was still coming to terms with everything, and then suddenly she’s got a little brother, and everything in between was just lost to her. It’s still lost, but somehow, you made sure she wasn’t lost to us.” 

He’d never really thought about it that way. All he wanted was for Emma to know she was loved. That included understanding that she was very much wanted by her parents and brother. Even though she’d adjusted well to the fact that she woke up to a husband and a house full of children, she had a difficult start when it came to rebuilding the relationship she had with her parents.  

But she  _ was  _ rebuilding now, and maybe David had a point. Maybe Killian had played a bigger role in bringing her back to them than he thought.  

“I just couldn’t imagine her having a life without her family, mate.” It had helped them too. Emma had opened up much more once she had her whole family back. “I knew there was a chance she might not ever remember any of it, but…” 

“She wouldn’t have proposed marriage if she didn’t love you,” David reminded him. “I know she isn’t one for words, but try to keep that in mind.”  

Another good point, but Killian wanted to hear the words.  

He felt a little selfish in his silent request. All through the morning, he thought about it, wondering how he might bring it up. David was right. Emma wouldn’t have proposed if she didn’t love him, but trying to get her to say it might have her retreat. By the time he went home for lunch, he decided it likely wasn’t a conversation for today. Not while she wasn’t feeling well.  

The sound of giggles ringing through the house greeted him as he opened the door. Something squeezed at his heart when he made his way into the kitchen. Emma had Charlie seated on the counter, and Ivy in her high chair next to them. Both of the little ones looked as though they were helping make -or rather... sabotaging- lunch. Leia and Hope stood on chairs, seemingly being more helpful than their younger siblings.  

All of them were thoroughly enjoying themselves.  

He didn’t want to interrupt the scene, but something was off.  _ Where was Belle? She knew Emma couldn’t be alone. Feeling better or not, anything could go wrong.  _

“I think I found the pop tarts,” Belle stated, emerging from the pantry. “Oh, hello Killian.” 

Everything else stopped. “Papa!” Ivy screeched. 

“Hi Papa!” The other three shouted in unison. None of them turned from their very important task of making lunch.  

Emma turned and smiled at him, while pointing towards Ivy. “We’ve been working on that one all morning.” 

“You’re feeling better then?” He asked. 

“A little,” she nodded. “I didn’t want to sleep the day away, so once the meds took the edge off, I decided I needed to get up and do something. We were just making lunch… if you wanted some?” She looked over at Charlie, who was making a mess, and sighed. “Okay… we’re destroying lunch.” 

“Papa!” Ivy squealed again.  

“All right, little lass,” he chuckled. He made his way over to Ivy, and gave Emma a quick kiss on the cheek before lifting the baby out of the high chair. Then, he turned to Belle. “I appreciate you coming by on such short notice,” he said. “I would have much rather stayed home myself, but there were a few things I needed to take care of at the station.” 

“With Rumple and Gideon having their last little father-son outing of the summer, I was feeling just a little lonely at home, so I think it all worked out for everyone.” She said.  

“Well don’t feel as though you have to rush off, then,” he offered.  

“You’re finished already?” Emma asked. 

“Don’t sound so disappointed, luv,” he teased. 

“Who said I was disappointed?” She teased right back, standing on her toes to give him a kiss. 

“Don’t be gross,” Hope scolded. Leia giggled.  

“Gross,” Charlie chimed in with a big, dimpled grin. That earned him a pinched cheek from his mother.  

A small part of him felt a twinge of jealousy even though he knew it was unfair to compare. Her love for her children seemed to come easily, and why shouldn’t it? She may not remember them, but the bond she had with them was obviously still there somewhere.  

He was different.  _ They  _ were different. They’d fought for their love, and along the way, had built something far more beautiful than he ever thought he deserved.  

“Are you okay?” Emma asked.  

“Aye,” he lied. As suspected, he could tell she didn’t believe him, but she didn’t question him further. He knew he’d have to answer for it later. 

* * *

Emma waited patiently for Killian to come to bed. She wanted to ask him about earlier. Why he lied and told her everything was okay when it obviously wasn’t. Something had been off about him ever since he’d come home from the station.

“You’re still awake?” he asked when he entered the room. “You seemed fairly tired earlier, I thought you’d be out by now.” 

She pulled back the covers and patted the space next to her. “I just wanted to-” 

“Mama?”  

_ Saved by the toddler. _

“Hey, kid,” Emma said softly. Charlie sniffled and crept slowly towards the bed. He looked at her, then at Killian, as if he was unsure of whether or not he was allowed to be there. 

“It’s all right, lad,” Killian assured him, seeming all too eager to put their impending conversation on ice for the time being. He lifted Charlie up and sat him on the bed. 

Almost immediately, Charlie snuggled up against her, his soft little sobs breaking her heart one sniffle at a time. “Bad dream?” she asked, hugging him tighter when he nodded. “We can talk later,” she whispered to Killian.  

It was a conversation they needed to have, but one she preferred not to have in front of the kids. Whatever was upsetting her husband wasn’t something the kids needed to worry about. 

_ But… _

“Are we okay?” she asked. 

“Of course,” he answered. 

_ That  _ was the truth.  

Killian kissed Charlie’s temple, then got under the covers beside Emma. “Good night, my love,” he whispered. 

“Good night,” she replied, though now, she was wide awake. 

Killian never made his feelings a secret. He loved her. He knew it. She knew it.  

But he refrained from saying it, and she knew it was because she reacted poorly every time. That, and she never returned the sentiment.  

She wanted to, and knew he would be overjoyed. She would be too. Just opening her heart a little had made her feel more complete than she’d ever been. If she told him… 

“I love you Killian,” she said quietly, before she could talk herself out of it. She waited a moment, disappointed when she heard nothing in return.  

Had she waited too long? He wouldn’t be here if he’d given up on her, would he? 

A light snore sounded in her ear, bringing a bit of relief. She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze. Tomorrow she’d make sure he could hear her. 

“Mama?” Charlie asked. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his words were muffled against her. 

“It’s okay,” she said, rubbing his back. “I’m here.” She smiled when he mumbled something she couldn’t understand. “Good night, Charlie.” 

“Night, Mama.” 

* * *

Killian was already gone when she woke the next morning. There was a note on the night stand stating he’d meet her later for lunch at Granny’s, but other than that, there was no indication of where he might have gone.  

“Mama!” Charlie giggled. He was sitting on the bed watching cartoons. “Mama lazy!” 

“Oh good, you’re awake!” Snow said happily when she appeared in the doorway. Charlie informed his grandmother of Emma’s laziness, then scrambled off the bed to go do… whatever it was Charlie did when he found himself with a moment of freedom. 

“He’s going to get into mischief,” Emma warned. 

But Snow had other ideas. “He’ll be fine for a minute. Let’s talk about dresses.” 

“What?” Wasn’t her mother against the whole second wedding? Killian had mentioned her mother talking about dresses, but the last time she and Emma discussed the wedding, it was a different story. 

“Come on,” Snow ordered, offering no explanation. “We’ve got a busy day ahead of us. Breakfast is downstairs, and-” 

“The kids?” Emma asked. 

“Henry’s going to keep an eye on them,” Snow assured her. 

Whatever they had planned, they’d taken care of all the details. “What about Killian?” she tried. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to do wedding planning with her mother, but the fact that Killian had mysteriously snuck out early with no reason…  

“Don’t worry about Killian,” Snow rolled her eyes. “We’ll see him at Granny’s for lunch.” 

_ Oh. So he was part of the whole plan. _

“Come  _ on _ .” Snow demanded.  

Emma thought about reminding her that she didn’t want a huge wedding, and that the plans had already been taken care of. But she  _ did  _ want to go dress shopping with her mother. With a little protest, she threw back the covers and got out of bed. “Just… let me get showered first. Then you can tell me what you’ve got planned for the day.” 

Snow practically beamed as she left the room. As strange as it seemed, there was something comforting and familiar about it all. Had her mother helped her pick out a dress the first time? What else had they shared that she’d forgotten?  

Pushing the thoughts aside, she tried to focus on the positive. Did it really matter that she’d forgotten before? She was getting a second chance now.  

A second chance. 

God, she needed to see Killian.  

“Mama,” Leia walked into the room and climbed up onto the bed. “Grams says you need to hurry up.” She had her little hands on her hips and stated everything so matter-of-factly, that Emma couldn’t help but smile.  

“Sorry for holding up progress,” she apologized. Leia nodded, seemingly willing to forgive, but only if Emma got a move on. 

Things went a little smoother after that. She showered and dressed, then joined everyone downstairs for breakfast. As always, it was a chaotic affair. Charlie and Ivy were hellbent on making messes, and Leia and Hope were chattering away at each other.  

Emma couldn’t help but miss Killian, and she wanted even more to tell him how she felt. Now it seemed she would have to wait even longer. Lunch looked as though it was going to be a double date when she preferred a little more privacy.  

* * *

“Sorry about the impromptu wedding plans, darling,” Killian apologized when Emma and Snow joined them at Granny’s. “Thought we could all use a day away from everything.” 

“I think it was a great idea,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you.” 

She seemed happy, but something felt off. After their non-conversation the night before, he wondered if perhaps she was upset with him. His plans for the day certainly made it seem like he was avoiding any sort of private conversation, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.  

David had been the one to suggest the outing. It was all planned before Killian had even come home from work the day prior. Somewhat of a surprise for Emma, who seemed to need some bonding time with her mother, he and David figured a bit of dress shopping would do the trick.  

So, off… but not angry. It was a relief. Still, he sensed a bit of impatience, and he could only figure that it was because she was ready to finish what they’d started last night. 

“I found a dress,” she whispered when her parents turned their attention towards the menu. “I think you’ll like it.”  

“I don’t doubt that one bit,” he replied. “Are you still wanting to have the wedding at the end of summer?” He didn’t want to push her, especially after she expressed her doubts. Their original date was coming up fast, but he was more than willing to wait if she wanted to. 

His heart skipped a beat when she leaned against him. Her little displays of affection were his only reassurance that she truly meant it when she said she was happy. That helped him believe her when she insisted she wanted to marry him.  

And she was far more affectionate now than she had been over the past couple months.  

But he still longed to hear her say “I love you.”  

“I think...” she said slowly, “that maybe we should talk about that when we have a little time to ourselves.”  

She sounded a lot more upbeat today than she did the night before when she said they needed to talk. He hated how broken she sounded when she asked if they were okay. 

David cleared his throat, interrupting their little moment. Emma looked as if she might start shooting daggers out of her eyes, but thankfully, Snow turned their attention towards a very irritated looking Granny. “I think she wants to take your order,” Snow giggled. 

“But by all means, if you need a room, please get that instead,” Granny snapped, though there was a smile on her face and no bite in her words.  

David, however, groaned in disgust.  

They wound up eating in a semi-uncomfortable silence. Emma glaring at David, and David glaring at Killian. Not that he understood  _ why _ his father-in-law felt the need to put what he liked to call “the fear of God” into Killian. The last time he pointed out that he and Emma had given David and Snow four beautiful grandchildren, the Prince almost put another sword through his back.  

The moment to themselves didn’t come until they were both sliding into bed that evening. Exhausted from the day, Emma was already nodding off, unable to keep her eyes open, even when Charlie found his way to her side again.  

“We’ll try again tomorrow,” Killian whispered, more amused than anything else. Things really  _ were _ getting back to normal around the place.  

Emma blindly reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze when she found it. “I love you,” she mumbled so softly, he barely heard it. 

His heart stopped… or at least, it felt that way. Had she meant to say those words, or what she talking in her sleep? 

“Killian?” She asked, an uncertainty in her tone. 

_ Bloody hell…  _

“I love you too, Swan,” he said, the words choked as he fought back tears. He curled up against her back and held her as close as he possibly could. Charlie grumbled a bit in his sleep and Emma responded with a sleepy laugh.  

“That’s what I wanted to tell you earlier,” she informed him. “I tried yesterday, but you were asleep.” 

Charlie grumbled again, apparently irritated that the adults wouldn’t quiet down. For the first time in his life, the little boy squirmed out of their bed and headed back to his own.  

“Do you think we annoyed him?” Killian laughed.  

“Enough for it to work out in our favor,” Emma said playfully, the sleepiness seeming to fade away. She lifted up her hand and magically closed and locked the bedroom door. For a moment, neither said a word, then Emma sat up and stared at the door. “What the hell was that?” 

“Seems your magic is coming back, luv.” With it, came hope. If her magic was coming back, then maybe she was too. 

Emma shook her head and frowned. “I don’t understand.” 

“What’s not to understand?” he asked. They’d informed her of her magic as well as the childrens’ magic. None of it should have been a surprise. “You’re the product of true love-” 

“I know that,” she sighed. “I just mean… why now? It seems kind of random and maybe even a little silly.” 

“Perhaps you just really want me,” he teased. Why else would she have locked the door? “Why don’t we just forget about the magic until tomorrow?” 

“You mean… let’s get on with this before the next kid comes pounding on the door?” She laughed out loud when he nodded eagerly. They hushed quickly when a little noise from the baby monitor sounded. “Shit,” Emma whispered when the baby didn’t quiet immediately. It wasn’t yet a fit, but could go either way.  

“Let’s just-” 

Killian groaned when a little knock sounded at the door. “Bloody hell.” 

“Papa?” Leia asked quietly, jiggling the door handle. “Mama? Why did you lock the door? I need you!” 

Emma got out of bed and went over to open the door for Leia. “I guess we’ll just have to settle for a rain check,” she shrugged. Ivy began wailing, informing them both that a rain check was definitely on the menu for the night. 

He kissed both Emma and Leia on the cheek, then made his way towards the nursery. When Ivy saw him, the tears stopped and she was all smiles. He smiled back as he picked her up. “Just wanted some company, aye?” he asked. Her little giggle confirmed it. “Rascal,” he muttered, laughing when she giggled again. “Well, you’ve managed to disrupt date night, so I suppose it shouldn’t be a problem to let you sleep in the big bed.” 

Leia was likely already cozied up and stealing his pillows.  

“At least our date crashers are adorable,” Emma laughed when he came back into the room and noticed the other three children were  _ all _ snuggled up and stealing his pillows.  

How could he be upset? They  _ were _ adorable. And Emma loved him.  

_ Wasn’t that all that mattered?   _

* * *

 

Emma knew better than anyone that she shouldn’t be at the station so late at night. Even worse, she knew she shouldn’t be alone, that she shouldn’t have even driven down there. But she needed closure. Real closure, not just what her father and husband were giving her. She appreciated how hard they were trying to give her what she needed, but she needed to talk to Fulton herself.  

Killian would likely be pissed when he realized she’d snuck out of the house. He wasn’t an idiot. She knew she didn’t have a lot of time. The kids could only keep him distracted for so long, and eventually, he’d realize she’d been in the bath for much longer than necessary. 

She took a deep breath and unlocked the doors to the station.  

Fulton was sitting in the corner of his cell, wide awake. It was almost as if he was waiting for her. That was impossible though, how would he have any way of knowing- 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he snapped. His harsh tone startled her a bit. Not that he frightened her. He was just a kid. A kid who looked far too small and fragile in the cell that caged him. She hadn’t expected to find him awake though, and it had caught her a little off guard. 

“We need to talk,” she said, hoping she didn’t sound as uneasy as she felt.  

Fulton looked up at the camera, then back at her. “I’m not stupid. My lawyer told me to keep my mouth shut.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and waved her hand. Her magic was still unreliable, but the red lights on the security camera blinked off. She counted that as a win. “Off the record,” she told him. “I just want to know why.” 

After what Killian had told her, she had a hard time believing that Fulton had a malicious bone in his body. The records she was able to get a hold of confirmed it. He was just a troubled kid trying to stay alive. Violence was never a factor. How had things escalated so quickly, and why her? She’d been told it was just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but she couldn’t  _ remember.  _ Aside from the cashier, Fulton was the only other person at the scene. He was the one who pulled the trigger. Only he could tell her what was going through his mind when it happened.  

She just wanted to know what  _ really  _ happened. Things that cameras and third parties couldn’t always convey.  

Fulton sighed and looked towards the ground. The tough guy facade melted, and even though he wouldn’t look at her, she could tell he was crying. 

“I didn’t mean to,” came his weak reply. Tears began to splash onto the floor as he tried desperately to stop them. “I meant it when I told Killian that. I wouldn’t hurt you Emma. I swear it.” 

Not only did her heart break for the kid, she believed him. 

“Are you protecting someone?” It was something she’d heard David and Killian discuss a few times. They thought that maybe Fulton was caught up in trouble he couldn’t control. That he was too afraid to talk. But he only shook his head.  

“Hey,” she said, “I know I’m the Sheriff and all, but I’m not here in that capacity right now. I’m just here, looking for answers. For myself. And maybe, if you let me, I can help you too.” 

He looked up at her, eyes red and cheeks tearstained. Memories or not, she felt some sort of bond with this kid. Almost as if he were one of her own. “Why would you help me? I  _ shot  _ you. Not only that, but I shot you after you and Killian spent years trying to set me straight. I think I’ve used up all my second chances.” 

“I’m not giving up on you,” she said.  

Fulton gave her an incredulous look. “Why?” he asked. “I mean… the last time you saw me, you said it yourself. You can’t trust me.” 

“That doesn’t mean I’ll never be able to trust you,” she tried. “Look, I don’t remember anything about the past few years. All I know is what Killian told me. That we did what we could to help you.” 

“Then you also know I pretty much just threw it back in your face,” he snapped. “Every time.” 

Emma tried not to lose her temper. If they both started snapping at each other, she’d never get anywhere. She took a breath before continuing, hoping to keep her composure. “That doesn’t mean you’re a bad kid. We’re not so different, you and I.” 

“You’re a freaking Princess,” he grumbled. “And the Sheriff.  _ And  _ the Savior.” 

“Okay, I get that. But… I’m sure pretty much the whole town knows my story. So I know you’re not completely in the dark. I had a shit childhood. I spent a lot of it fending for myself. I ran from good people who actually wanted to help me. Honestly… if Henry hadn’t found me, I would probably still be in Boston.” 

He shrugged. “I heard you didn’t have it so bad in Boston. Or New York. And you sure as hell don’t have it so bad here.” She wasn’t sure what he meant about New York, but he didn’t give her the chance to ask. “The difference is, you found your family. You’ve got people who love and care about you. If I go to prison, who’s going to care? And don’t say you and Killian. The whole town is ready to execute me for what I did. If you help me, what’s the use? Everyone is still going to hate me.” 

“Maybe you just need a fresh start somewhere else,” she tried. “I’m sure we can work something out-” 

“Just let me go to prison,” he said.  

Emma nodded, even though the thought of him being locked away made her sick. “If that’s what you really want…” She sighed, unsure of what else to say. If he didn’t want help, he didn’t want help. Maybe he’d get a good plea deal. Maybe he’d be out in a few years and she could help him then. Right now though, he was hell bent on punishing himself. “Could you at least help me with one more question?” Fulton only shrugged, so she asked anyway. “Where did you get the gun?” 

“One of the other guys stole it,” he answered. She was surprised at how easily he gave the information, when Killian and David had spent the past couple months drilling him with no luck. “I don’t really know who,” he continued. “And no, I’m not protecting anyone. They were screwing around with it over by their camp, but were too dumb to keep an eye on it. So, when they were sleeping, I grabbed it. I thought maybe… I never meant to use it. Not on a person anyway. But stealing isn’t always the easiest, and there’s plenty of free food in the forest if you’re willing to work for it.” 

“So why bring it to the store? Why rob someone when you just said-” 

“Because I’m stupid, okay?” he shouted. “I was cold and hungry, and yeah, I’m aware I could have gone to you, but you were still pissed after I stole your credit card the last time you let me in. I just thought I’d get what I needed. Some food and some cash. Maybe a sweater. But the guy was being a jerk and-” 

“You pulled the gun on him?” she guessed.  

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Look, you promised-” 

She held her hand up. It was against protocol. She wasn’t only breaking rules, but  _ laws.  _ Still, it was Storybrooke, and she’d made a promise. “This stays between us. You won’t hear a word of it at court. Not unless you tell someone else.” 

“Thanks,” he said, giving her a hint of a smile. “I don’t deserve it. And I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I may be an ass, and I stole from you, but you guys were always good to me. I panicked, and… then I panicked some more, and I ran.” 

“I’ve already forgiven you,” she assured him. “Look, I know you think you deserve whatever punishment you get, and maybe you do, but I don’t think you’re a bad kid. You  _ do  _ have people who care about you, whether you like it or not. And we’ll be here when you need us. But you have to remember to ask. When you’re ready, that fresh start will be waiting.” 

“Even if you have to wait decades for me to get out on parole?” he asked. 

“It’s not going anywhere,” she confirmed. “Now, I gotta get out of here, because you were right. I’m not supposed to be here, and I’m sure they’ve already sent out a search party.” She looked up at the cameras and flipped them back on, silently patting herself on the back for a successful use of magic. She could always erase a few things in the morning. Footage went missing all the time, right? 

“Swan!”  

She had just finished locking up when she heard Killian shouting for her. Before she could turn to him, he had her in his arms. “You’re squishing me,” she complained when he hugged her a little too tight. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to go out? You shouldn’t be driving. You shouldn’t be alone. You shouldn’t be  _ here. _ ” He didn’t sound angry, but she could sense the irritation in his tone. He was definitely upset. At least a little bit. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “You never would have let me come here if I asked, and I just needed to ask some questions of my own.”  

She still wasn’t sure how she felt about it all. There wasn’t really any new information to process. Fulton had given her the same “I didn’t mean to” he’d given Killian. But somehow, it helped to hear it from him.  

But it hurt that he wouldn’t accept her help.  

“Emma-” 

“I know, I know,” she rolled her eyes. “Whale hasn’t cleared me yet. But the appointment is tomorrow. I’ve been fine. No headaches, no need for medication… nothing. I’m even working longer hours. My days of needing a babysitter are probably over.” 

“We don’t know that, luv,” Killian sighed and led her over to the car. “And you can’t say everything is fine. You  _ do  _ still get headaches, and you get exhausted easily, and sometimes, you still need an extra hand. I’m certain he’ll lift some of your restrictions, but you still have to be careful.” 

She wanted to argue, but deep down, she knew he was right. “I really am sorry,” she said. “I didn’t want to worry you. I was hoping to be finished and back at the house before you realized I was gone.” 

Killian laughed at that. “Darling, you  _ do  _ remember I’m a pirate. You’re not as stealthy as you believe yourself to be. I will admit though, the children did manage to buy you time with their distraction.” 

“I didn’t even have to plan that one,” she admitted. “I was just grateful they were being particularly rambunctious at the moment.” 

He shook his head, though there was still a grin on his face. She hoped that meant he wasn’t too angry. “I’ll behave,” she promised. “No more sneaking around or trying to do things that Whale hasn’t cleared me for yet.” 

“No more referring to everyone as your babysitters either,” he added. “Because we’re not, Swan. We’re your family, and we love you. All we’re trying to do is keep you safe. You’re not a child in need of supervision.” 

She still hated the idea that someone had to manage her. Though, it wasn’t as bad as it had been in the beginning. At first, she could hardly do much of anything without finding herself in pain or in need of a nap. She still wasn’t completely healed, but she was  _ much  _ better off than she had been. 

Even Whale seemed surprised at how quickly she had recovered. He was hopeful that it meant the long road ahead wouldn’t be so long after all. 

But the quick recovery worried her. Her body was healing, but her mind…  

Well, her mind wasn’t. 

Something was still keeping her memories locked away. She had gone through photos, listened to stories, and tried everything within her power to trigger something.  _ Anything.  _ Regina had continued to work tirelessly, trying to magically unlock whatever it was that was blocking her. Killian tried not to show it, but she knew he was disappointed when no amount of kissing seemed to help either. At this point though, she was certain there was no magical fix, and that maybe they  _ were  _ gone for good. 

“Swan?” 

Emma shook the thoughts away. Being upset about it wouldn’t do her any good. She had everything she needed, and a second chance to enjoy her life with the family she loved. It would be selfish to want things she wasn’t meant to have. 

“It’s nothing,” she lied. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”  

“All right,” he nodded. “Let’s get home then.” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @icecube for being an excellent beta, and thanks to @downeystarkjr for the beautiful art you created! 
> 
> And here it is folks, the final chapter!!!

**Chapter Eleven**

She wasn’t angry. Not at him anyway. Not even at Whale. The situation on the other hand, was driving her insane.

And maybe that meant her temper had gotten the better of her.

Killian did nothing to deserve the cold shoulder she’d given him. Try as she might though, she couldn’t bring herself to do anything but sulk. The trip home was tense, and she could practically see his heart breaking with each passing minute.

He gave her space when they got home. Her parents had the kids for a couple more hours, giving her time to process everything. But she couldn’t focus on anything other than Killian.

He was hurt, and it was her fault. God, she needed to stop shutting him out. Rather than continue to dwell on it, she made her way downstairs.  

Killian was curled up on the couch reading. She could tell that he was aware of her presence by the way he tensed, but he made no move to engage. Given the way she’d acted, there was no blaming him.

“Hey,” she called quietly.

That got his attention. He set down his book and gestured for her to join him.

It surprised her when she sat next to him. She expected him to maintain a distance, but instead, he pulled her close. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to take out my frustration on you.”

“I know you didn’t, luv,” he said.  

“That doesn’t make it okay.” Was he really going to brush it off like it never happened? She _hurt_ him.

“I never said it was,” he said. “I’m upset and a bit angry. But… shouting at one another never solves anything. If you’re willing to talk though, I’m willing to listen.”

“I’m trying,” she said.

“I know.”

In that one silent moment, she swore she would never shut him out again. Despite all the pain she’d caused, he’d been nothing but patient and kind. She _loved_ him, and he wasn’t going to hurt her. They’d built a life together once. She trusted him.  

It was time she started showing it. Her walls needed to stay down.

He spoke first. “I know you’re upset. I can also understand your reasons. You just have to remember that this is all temporary.”

“But what if it isn’t?” she asked. That was what scared her the most. She couldn’t live like that. Dependent on others for the rest of her life. And what if she got worse? Then what? It was bad enough her memories wouldn’t come back. She wouldn’t be able to handle it if she lost everything else.

“You’re recovering,” he reminded her. “Despite the obstacles you still have ahead, there is no denying that you’re moving in the right direction. I know you didn’t get what you wanted, but you’ve made progress, aye?”  

“Sometimes I hate it when you’re right,” she mumbled, laughing when he pinched her side. He was right though. She was upset because she still had restrictions, but they weren’t nearly as strict as they had been. There was still a need for supervision, but it was really just a precaution at this point. She could drive again -without sneaking around- so long as someone was with her. At home, if she wasn’t in pain or on her medication, she could be on her own. She could patrol with a partner, and was able to work longer hours as able.  

Everything else was just irrational fear.

“I love you,” she said. “I know that doesn’t fix everything. There are still a lot of things I need to work on.”

“Aye,” he agreed. “I can understand that.” He kissed her cheek and held her a little tighter. “And I love you too.”

She sighed and relaxed against him. “I know you’ve already been down this road once…”

“And we’ll get there again,” he assured her. “A few setbacks are normal.”

“Still… thank you for being patient. I appreciate it.”

He was willing to be patient, but waiting forever wasn’t an option. Loving him was a start, but she needed to open up, and quickly.  

They were moving forward. She was healing and they were building their life together. Killian was right. She was only going to get better. Life might be easier if her memories returned, but even without them…

It was good.

Better than good. It was damn near perfect. She wasn’t sure what she’d ever done to deserve a guy like Killian, but there he was.  

“We have a wedding in a week,” he said softly. “Are you certain-”

“Yes.” Fears aside, that was something she was sure of. “If you’re not sure, I understand. I know I haven’t been the easiest to love, and I’ve given you plenty of reasons to doubt. But I want this. I love you, and I want to marry you. I’m happy… and I’m ready.”

“Loving you is easy,” he laughed. “Living with you can be a challenge sometimes though.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” she shot back. His light tone told her he was only teasing, even though she knew she’d never been a stellar house mate. “You know you snore, right?”

“And you hog the blankets, darling,” he countered. “But… I love a challenge.”

* * *

 

“Rawr!”

Emma opened her eyes and found herself being stared down by a giant stuffed kraken.

She could hear Killian laughing from the other side of the room. “You should have seen it when he managed to turn it into an actual sea monster. Nearly took the _Jolly_ down… and us with it.” Almost as if he could sense her shift in mood, he added: “You weren’t there, luv. Whale had you on bedrest, so you were here, likely griping about him.”

 _That_ made her laugh. But also, curious. She sat up and pulled a giggly Charlie into her lap. “So… what happened?” She eyed the stuffed toy suspiciously, wondering if its transformation was just a one-time thing.

“The damned thing fell overboard,” Killian explained, “and Charlie, in all his toddler wisdom, decided that Storybrooke needed a sea monster. Thankfully, Hope was able to wrangle the beast in before it caused too much damage. You and Regina managed to make sure he could never pull a stunt like that again. At least with the kraken.”

“So, there isn’t a chance that we’ll have a giant squid trying to crash our wedding?” she asked.  

Killian shrugged. “At least not _that_ one. But our home has played host to many a strange beast thanks to Charlie, so it’s anyone’s guess.”

“Don’t get any ideas,” she whispered to Charlie, who laughed.  

“Speaking of weddings…” Killian plopped down next to her on the bed and grinned. “We’ve got some offers tonight. Belle, Granny, and Henry all said they would watch the children for the evening. I think it might be best if we go with Belle or Granny. They’re much more likely to have the wee ones all dressed and ready to go on time.”

“Why can’t the kids just stay with us tonight?” Emma asked.

“Because we’re getting married tomorrow,” Killian stated, as if it was the most obvious reason in the world.  

“Yeah, and my parents are going to watch them tomorrow night so we can have some post-wedding alone time. Why do we need a babysitter for tonight?”

“Because it isn’t fair for me to leave you with a house full of rowdy children,” he explained. “And there might be a few festivities planned.”

“Wait… what?” she asked. “Why would I be-” Realization hit when he gave her a silly little grin. “Really? We’re already _married._ I’m pretty sure there’s no bad luck involved if you stay here tonight.”

“Tradition is tradition,” he shrugged.  

She wasn’t sure what he meant about festivities, but figured it probably had something to do with her mother. With her medication making it impossible for any sort of crazy bachelorette party -not that she was really a bachelorette anyway- she assumed it would be easy to convince her mom to stay in and have some kind of girls’ night in.

“So… are you getting my Dad drunk for your festivities?” she teased.  

“Hardly, Swan,” he rolled his eyes. “Your mother would murder me if he showed up with a hangover.”

Now _that_ she could see. “Just make sure there’s no strippers.” Not that she really believed there would be any strippers involved, but the look on Killian’s face when she suggested it was priceless.

“‘Trippers!!!!!!” Charlie exclaimed loudly, as though he’d just discovered the most interesting word in the world.

“Lovely,” Killian sighed. “You know he’s going to make some sort of announcement on the ship tomorrow, right?”

Emma gave Charlie a big kiss on the cheek. “At least it’s just family,” she reminded him. “It’s not like he’s going to have the whole town think we’re raising a bunch of wild children.”

“We _are_ raising a bunch of wild children,” he chuckled.

Charlie wiggled out of Emma’s lap and off the bed, leaving his kraken behind. “Wild ‘trippers!” he proclaimed as he ran down the hall.

“At least he’s not carrying singles in his diaper,” Emma sighed.

Thankfully, Charlie grew tired of his new word before his grandparents came over. There was no guarantee that he wouldn’t find it funny again by tomorrow, but Emma chose to remain hopeful for the time being.  

Once breakfast was over with, Emma started getting everything ready for the kids. Killian came into the room with a little tuxedo for Charlie, seemingly proud of the little red bowtie that matched his own. “I managed to get the perfect outfit for both of us, despite your father wanting to throw in his own opinion.”

“Hey now-”

“He found plaid bow ties, Swan,” Killian groaned. “I know your father _does_ have some sense when it comes to formal attire, but it all seemed to go out the window the other day. What did you wind up getting for the girls?”

She held up the little dresses. “I think the rose petals in the skirt kinda make the outfit, don’t you?”

“These outfits aren’t going to last ten minutes, are they?” he asked.

“Not a chance,” she agreed. “But for now, they’re adorable. And maybe we’ll get a couple decent pictures before they’re utterly destroyed.”

He laughed and set Charlie’s tuxedo next to the dresses. “I’ll let you finish. Anything you need from me?”

“Just keep the kids occupied for a little longer.”  

“As you wish.” He gave her a kiss, then made his way back downstairs.  

She packed all four of the little outfits in their garment bags and then grabbed the suitcase she’d packed up the night before. After a quick recheck of what she’d put in there, she took everything and left the room, stopping for just a second to try and use her magic to shut of the lights.

She couldn’t help but smile when she succeeded.  

Throughout the chaos that was the downstairs area of her home, she managed to pass along the luggage to Henry, who was going to take them for the afternoon. Afterwards, he was going to drop them off with Belle, and then join David and Killian in whatever the guys had planned.

After the kids were successfully wrangled, Emma sighed. “I hope they’re good for Belle.”

“Actually…” Killian corrected. “Belle wound up falling ill. Ashley said she wouldn’t mind taking them though. I thought it might be best if we don’t give Granny a heart attack.”

“Our kids? Give Granny a heart attack?” Emma feigned ignorance. “Why would you even think that was possible? They’re angels!”

“We are, Mama!” Hope exclaimed.

Leia snickered.

“All right,” Henry said. “Car’s packed. Who’s coming with me?”  

Emma and Killian gave the kids hugs and kisses, then sent them on their way. She missed them almost immediately even though she knew they’d be seeing them again tomorrow.

“I suppose that’s our cue as well,” Killian said. He grabbed his bag and nodded towards David. “Shall we get a start on things?”

Emma frowned. “Wait a minute. You said the festivities were tonight. Why are you leaving now?” She didn’t _want_ him to leave.  

“You’ll see me tomorrow morning,” he reminded her.

That wasn’t good enough. She was under the assumption that they would spend some time together before he insisted on going to the _Jolly_ for the night.  

Killian smiled at her and kissed her temple. “There are a few things I need to finish up before tomorrow. Go on and have fun. You’ve got a whole day to yourself.”

“Hey!” Snow grumbled.

“You know what I meant,” Killian laughed. “Go shopping, have a party, take a nap… whatever makes you happy, luv. Then I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning.”

“A nap _does_ sound good,” Snow said. “What do you think, Emma?”

 _What did_ she _think?_ She wanted her husband to stay home. But… a nap _did_ sound good. Never mind the fact that she hadn’t been out of bed two hours yet. “Okay,” she said softly. Tomorrow really _wasn’t_ all that far away...

“Oh, come on,” David rolled his eyes. “You live together, you work together, you’re practically inseparable because you even go _out_ together. It’s not like you don’t get enough of each other every other day of the week.”

“David!” Snow snapped.

“I’m teasing and they know it,” he argued. “Really, Emma… I didn’t mean anything by it.”

She gave him a hug and tried not to laugh at the death glare coming from her mother. “I know, Dad. Promise I’m not offended… especially since it’s true.”  

Had they always been that way? Or was it just exaggerated now because of her health?  

“All right, Swan,” Killian chuckled. “I can tell you’re overthinking. Come on, let’s say our farewells, and enjoy ourselves.”  

“No strippers,” she whispered in his ear when he pulled her close.

“After the wedding?” he asked.

The disgruntled huff she heard coming from her father indicated they hadn’t been quiet enough. “We’ll talk later,” she told Killian.  

She didn’t, however, take her father’s annoyance into account when she stood on her toes to give Killian a not-so-quick kiss. The moment their lips touched she felt something spark. It wasn’t the usual butterflies she got when they kissed. It was something new, different, almost-

The moment was lost when David cleared his throat.  

“See you tomorrow,” she said. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“Aye luv,” he replied. “Remember, no strippers for you either.”

“Well there goes _that_ plan,” Snow quipped.

* * *

 

“Rise and - oh…” David walked into Killian’s cabin with a slightly disappointed expression on his face.  

“Dave, when have I ever slept in?” Killian laughed.  

“I thought after breaking into the rum barrels last night... I mean… you don’t drink like you used to…” he grumbled.

“My tolerance is still fairly high, mate. Though I do find it endearing that you care.”

David rolled his eyes. “Come on pirate,” he said with a  huff. “Let’s get you presentable. You’ve got a wedding in a couple hours.”

Killian scoffed at the insinuation that he was less than presentable. “Your daughter finds my bed head quite sexy,” he stated.

David warned him that he was on thin ice.

Nothing could kill his mood though. Emma was alive, she was home, happy… and in a few short hours, she would be marrying him.  

Something changed after her conversation with Fulton. At first, he thought she might retreat again, especially after her disappointment with her health status. But she didn’t. It took a bit, but she’d opened up in a way she hadn’t since before the shooting.  

She loved him. _Truly_ loved him. Everything that had been missing had come through without words. Not that he ever doubted her words. He knew she’d meant it when she told him she loved him, but there was still a reluctance. Fear held her back.

But yesterday, he felt it. A spark of _something_ when she kissed him. He thought that maybe she felt it too, that maybe - had David not interrupted- that spark might have-

“Earth to Killian!” David snapped his fingers. “You’ve got the rings, right?”

Killian shot him a dirty look. Of _course_ he had the rings. He nodded towards the desk. “In the box.” They were the same rings from their first wedding. He wouldn’t have minded buying new ones, but Emma insisted she wanted the original rings, and that they didn’t need anything new.

He’d slightly broken that rule by purchasing a necklace for her. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but something to symbolize their new beginning together. He wondered how long Snow waited to hand it over. Knowing his mother-in-law, she wouldn’t have it in her to wait until morning.  

David’s phone rang, and after a short conversation, he sighed. “That was Snow,” he explained. “Apparently, the kids are being a little more trouble than they thought, and Ashley’s in need of some help.”

“Would you expect any less?” Killian chuckled.

“Not from that bunch,” David laughed. “Snow and Emma are trying to help wrangle them, but it’s four against three... five if you count Alexandra’s meddling. Are you okay here?”

“I’m perfectly capable of dressing myself,” he stated. “And I can even do my own hair. I promise to be _presentable._ ” He smirked when David groaned. “Go on. I’ll be fine.”

David turned to leave, then stopped. “Oh!” He reached into his pocket and pulled a small box out of his coat pocket. “Emma wanted me to give this to you before the wedding. She said that it’s kind of breaking the ‘no new stuff’ rule, but she couldn’t resist I guess.”  

“Thanks, mate.”

He waited until David was gone before he opened the box. When he saw what was inside, he grinned. A shiny compass, much like the smaller one he’d gotten for her. It was almost too much of a coincidence, but he was certain there was no way she knew. He pulled the compass out and looked it over, realizing it was definitely a custom piece. A likeness of the _Jolly Roger_ had been engraved on the front cover, and when he flipped it open, he found a message:

_I Will Always Find You_

It was something he’d heard a thousand times over the span of his relationship with Emma. Snow and Charming were quite adamant that it was a family motto, and it was true. No matter the situation, they always had a way of finding their way back to one another.  

She _wanted_ to come back to him.

* * *

As far as wedding days went, Emma would classify this one as one of the most beautiful disasters she’d ever experienced. Wrangling the kids pre-wedding while she was trying to get dressed turned out to be too big of a job. They had come home exceptionally hyper, and keeping them still so Snow could put the final touches on their outfits was proving to be difficult. Even after David arrived, the task proved to be nearly impossible.

In the end, they made it to the _Jolly_ … relatively in one piece. Leia, Hope, and Ivy all had flower crowns that were slightly askew, and Charlie insisted on dragging his giant kraken with them.  

She could hear the giggles of the few guests they’d invited as her son made his way down the makeshift aisle. Ivy fussed when Snow carried her away, and didn’t seem to be appeased by her sisters who followed close behind while they attempted to make her smile.  

Her only hope was that her daughter would calm when she saw her father.  

“They’ll be fine,” David assured her.  

That was when she heard Charlie running. By the time it was her turn to walk down the aisle, she almost laughed at the sight in front of her.  

Charlie was in Killian’s arms, only momentarily hushed -but not completely distracted- by the music that was playing. Ivy was still fussing, but not as much. Leia looked to be completely engrossed in everything that was going on, and Hope…

Hope was still in the aisle, twirling.

And maybe she should have been annoyed that on her wedding day, everyone was busy being amused by the kids. Her mother was trying to get Ivy to stop fussing, Neal was giggling at Charlie, who was giving Hope’s twirling dress sparkles, and Henry… bless him, was busy trying to get them to at least calm down for just a moment.  

But Killian’s eyes were fixed on her, and that was really all she needed. She’d worn the necklace he’d given her. A small compass with a red jewel in the shape of a heart in the center. The wide smile on his face indicated that he noticed.  

 _God, she loved him._  

Loved _them._  

All the chaos and long days and sleepless nights. They were all a part of home. Her family was the best thing that had ever happened to her. When she first discovered that Henry had been right, that she _was_ the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, she wasn’t sure what that really entailed. Apparently, she’d come around to the idea and had found happiness with them, as well as happiness with her handsome pirate.

So much, that they added four beautiful children to their lives.

Somehow, through everything, she’d found that happiness again, and while she wished she could remember, having a second chance was still a good thing. She hated the idea that she’d almost missed out on it due to her bad habit of running. Now, she couldn’t see herself anywhere but here-

“Mama!” Ivy whined.  

She stopped for a moment in order to collect her youngest, then sidestepped her dancing Hope. A quiet chuckle escaped her when she noticed Leia rolling her eyes. They were all so different and perfect in their own way. As David finished walking her down the aisle she wondered.

 _Was there room for more?_ She pushed the thought aside for the time being. It was something they could discuss later.

“It seems our children wish to be the center of attention,” Killian murmured with a soft chuckle.  

She wouldn’t have it any other way.  

The small ceremony wasn’t exactly how she pictured it would be, but it was nothing short of perfect. It was much different from the lavish celebration she’d seen in pictures from their first wedding. She could understand why her mother might think Emma needed a celebration fit for a princess. Being a second wedding though, Emma was glad there was no unnecessary input or insistence on going overboard with everything.

It was just her and Killian, in their own little bubble.

Archie couldn’t get through the ceremony fast enough. It had been far too long since she’d kissed her husband, and right now, that was all she wanted to do.  

When Archie finally - _finally-_ got there, Emma didn’t hesitate. Much to the annoyance of the now squished children between them, she grabbed hold of Killian’s coat, tugging him closer. That same spark she’d felt yesterday morning was back, and it grew until she felt a comforting warmth surrounding her.  

Then, there was a burst of magic that nearly knocked her over. Killian stepped back, looking a little dumbfounded.  

_Was that…_

Everything flooded back to her in a rush, and while she couldn’t explain it, she wasn’t about to complain. For the first time in months, she didn’t have to wish for her memories. They were _here._

“Swan?” Killian asked. “Are you all- mph!”  

She silenced him with another kiss, not caring that they had an audience. It wasn’t until Neal made a gagging sound that she figured she might want to wait until after everyone had cleared out before she explained herself.

But she had a feeling he already knew.

Everyone else likely knew, too. Surprisingly, no one said a word, and she wondered if they were simply waiting for her to say something. Her mother looked like she might burst at the seams, but miraculously, didn’t ask questions.

It wasn’t until they were alone in the Captain’s Quarters that Killian even brought it up.

“Judging by the way you pounced on me, I can only assume that our little show this morning jogged a few of your memories?” he asked.

“I did _not_ pounce,” she protested, laughing when he raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe a little. And yeah… it jogged my memories. I don’t know _how_ , but do we really want to question our good fortune?”

He shrugged. “I suppose you’re right about that. Besides, the how doesn’t matter.”

“I told you I would always find you,” she said, tapping the compass he’d set on the desk.  

“Never doubted you would, luv,” he agreed. “However-”

“Don’t worry,” she held her hands up to stop him from continuing. “I know this doesn’t mean I’m all fixed. Really… I think it was just the memories. I might still have to deal with the headaches and stuff, but Killian… I don’t care. That’ll come with time, right now, I have everything I’ve been missing and I just want to enjoy it.”

“Bloody hell, I’ve missed you, Swan.” He pulled her close and kissed her. Gently at first, but it didn’t take long for things to get heated.  

She stepped back for just a moment. Long enough to take his hand and lead him towards the bed. “I’ve missed you, too,” she said softly. Tomorrow, she could clue in everyone else. She could hug her kids, and _truly_ know them. But tonight, she just wanted Killian. “Why don’t we make the most of this little honeymoon?” she suggested. “It’s not like we really got one last time.”

“As you wish.”


End file.
